Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 09-27-2012, 08:14 AM   #1
Crofty89
I came here to rock
 
Crofty89's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Behind you!
This is a party political broadcast from the so far ignored R'lyeh party

Ladies, Gentlemen, non-binary gender-defined folk and monkeys of UG. I have a dream! A dream of a thousand screaming faces burning in the infinite labyrinth of eternal ice! A dream of a day when a man can proudly walk down the street wearing the flayed skin of his enemies! A dream where all humans are equal, and all shall recieve equal damnation!

I understand that you are holding some form of 'election' for President of UG. As the mortal herald of my master, I am here to express his most unholy fury at being left out of the nomination process, and a promise that, should you elect Him, you will all pay for that in the pain of a thousand knives piercing your eyes! He has prepared a list of policies for your perusal, which reads as follows:

1) Public flaying by civillians will be legalised and encouraged. Anyone who opposes public flaying will be flayed.
2) A million new jobs will be created as part of a government initiative to raise and restore the sunken city of R'lyeh. This will provide an excellent boost to the economy, as well as provide new territory to house a growing population.
3) New laws will be passed to protect those with facial disfigurement, such as green tentacles over the mouth area, from hate crime.
4) Sacrifice of infants will be legalised and encouraged. Rivers will run red with blood. Any who oppose sacrifice of infants will have their youngest relative sacrificed.
5) The police force will recieve new reinforcements at very little cost to the taxpayer. These reinforcements will all be golems and thus will not require money to be wasted on their wages.
6) The police force will have the authority to throw anyone into the Infinite Labyrinth of Eternal Ice, at their discretion. No proof of criminal activty will be necessary for this.
7) The only activity deemed 'criminal' will be to oppose our Divine Master.



I hope that this will convince you that all other candidates are not worthy of your support.

Vote Cthulhu!

__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by CV334
Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
Crofty89 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 08:31 AM   #2
Mathedes
Dissonant Unison
 
Mathedes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PP, Wisconsin
I'm scared of tentacle porn being the new epidemic.
__________________
Bach in Black! (A performance)

We're all alright!
Mathedes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 10:32 AM   #3
strat0blaster
growing out of the snake
 
strat0blaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Seattle
Boring. Vote lost. Go back to your population 200 mountain town and serve ice cream you yokel.
__________________
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -

Life goes by?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
show
strat0blaster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 10:36 AM   #4
ali.guitarkid7
Lonely Pup
 
ali.guitarkid7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Lacrimosa
I vote we bury this thread under the ocean.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by sickman411
We're all the best except for Ali.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deadsmileyface
yeah russia is pretty shit
ali.guitarkid7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 10:54 AM   #5
strat0blaster
growing out of the snake
 
strat0blaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Seattle
Quote:
Originally Posted by ali.guitarkid7
I vote we bury this thread under the ocean.

Yay.
__________________
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -

Life goes by?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
show
strat0blaster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 10:59 AM   #6
crazysam23_Atax
Burning away
 
crazysam23_Atax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: The Frozen North! (read: Northern Wisconsin)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ali.guitarkid7
I vote we bury this thread under the ocean.

I second that vote.

Also, let's throw a bunch of debris on the city of R'lyeh. Cthulhu ain't nothing.
__________________
Tunes?

Bandcamp

Now working on my upcoming EP "Discarnate". See the expected track list on my bandcamp.



Terry Prachett is funnier than you! Discworld
crazysam23_Atax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 11:22 AM   #7
Telecaster7
Call me Leon
 
Telecaster7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Perth, Australia
Let's irreparably pollute the oceans and kill that son-bitch.
Telecaster7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 11:50 AM   #8
whywefight
thisiswhy
 
whywefight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: I don't care where just far
Lol didn't read. How about dem replacement refs?
whywefight is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:22 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.