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Old 05-14-2010, 11:22 PM   #1
huevos
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cloom_slithe (Esoteric Soundscape/Post-something) .GP4&5 .midi C4C

Something I've had in store for quite a while. It's about time I got some feedback on it. It's not completed, but nor is it a work in progress. There's just nothing that I really wanna do with it.

Some of the transitions are very rough, with no melodic cushioning to rely on. And although it's a difficult listen, it has it's moments. There isn't too many big pay-offs, as this is more a patience piece.
I've warned you, so beware.

C4C as always.



(Note: I do tire of half assed crits. I will not even look at your piece if your crit is less than 12 characters long.)
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Old 05-15-2010, 01:38 AM   #2
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I wasnt particularly fond of this from a songwriting perspective. Maybe it was the completely unhinged instrumentals, maybe its just the mood I'm in. However, it did creep me the **** out. it was unsettling. it reminded me of a toned down Penderecki composition in (kind of) post hardcore form. Take that for what you will, I honestly am not sure if its a compliment or not but...for what it is, I'd say well done.
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Old 05-15-2010, 06:11 AM   #3
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I'll be honest - I didn't really like it. The first section was too strange for my liking. I liked the harder part (second section) a bit better, but really it was all a bit of a cacophony. The final section was very harsh and, if I'm honest, quite unpleasant.

Without trying to be mean, I could not imagine people paying money to own a copy of this, or to hear it played live. I don't exactly know what you were trying to achieve with this one, but it was just a bit too harsh for me...
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Old 05-15-2010, 06:45 PM   #4
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Thomasoman, that's what I was going for actually. Not Penderecki specifically, but just a mesh of styles colliding together, being as unpleasant and unsettling as possible. I wouldn't even call this a song. I did label it a soundscape for that reason.

seemeel, I was never intending to record it, or get it in a live setting. It was more an exercise in clashing concepts. I can't say I'm too proud of it, but I'm not hating it either.

Also, I wrote this about a year and half ago, before I started to focus on making actual songs.
I never knew where to go with it, so I just left it alone. It's quite a relic to me.
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:07 PM   #5
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haha, dude, how is one supposed to crit that?
Always the same with those pieces, it hits you like a wall of sound that may or may not sound awesome.

I'm not sure about this piece

I actually lol'ed at bars 66-68. seriously.

anyway, there is so much to crit, I don't know what to say. If you have any riffs I should take a look at then I'll do it tomorrow, but there's no way I can actually help you and give constructive criticism on that.

I'd be glad if you could take a look at that one here in advance http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1313501
you know me, I'm sure to pay you back
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:12 PM   #6
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Maybe it's because it's past midnight here, and I am utterly sleepy, extremely lovesick and depressed, without much awareness of reality, but I'm loving every second of this. I don't know, despite the disharmony going on at almost all times, the awkward chord progressions, the almost atonality of the fuller parts, I'm really connecting with this song, and the way all the different layers combine to make something so... outlandish, yet understandable. And I don't find it unpleasant or unsettling, just... I dunno, it makes me feel. What? I don't know. o_O

The only thing that might be amiss is some nice atmospheric string ensemble, really faint in the background.

Maybe I'm tripping my arse off, who knows - but I think this piece gave me a moment of illumination. Thank you, kind sir.

(although my opinion will probably change in the morning )
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:13 PM   #7
thorbor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by |_JR_|
Maybe it's because it's past midnight here, and I am utterly sleepy, extremely lovesick and depressed, without much awareness of reality, but I'm loving every second of this.
oh god, again I had to lol

hey, where can I buy bars 66 onwards as a ringtone?
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:20 PM   #8
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As I listen:

I'm liking this; it has a nice feel to it.

Some of the notes in the instrument that adds in at 17 feel off; it sounded good at first, but there was some dissonance in there that I didn't like. Especially in 19 and 20.

Not really liking this next section either. (the part starting at 21; it's hard to crit when there aren't any divided sections)

Starting at 30, it sounds good again; I just love that melody.

Not really liking the next section either, especially not the dissonance in the guitar work. I really couldn't find anything redeemable about the whole part from 38 to 84; I seriously didn't like anything from that entire part.... it just felt like random noise.

Starting at 85 is an improvement, but I still can't say I really liked it; this also just sounds like random noise, and it just gets more chaotic as it goes.

The part starting at 144 is cool, except I'm not really a fan of the guitar work in it. Still, the piano isn't bad, and I like the bassline.

The part starting at 172 is also pretty cool, but it has the same dissonance to it as it did when the piano played that part earlier, and it still throws me off.

The part at 176-179 is pretty cool.

Back to the part with the annoying dissonance....

Starting at 188 sounds great.

Again, this would sound great, if it weren't for a couple chords that throw it off.

C4C?

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1313038

Last edited by herby190 : 05-15-2010 at 07:22 PM.
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:23 PM   #9
RedDeath9
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Everybody is commenting on this piece, so I guess I may as well too.

The only thing I have to say is that bar 68 is ****ing genius. That cannot go unused. The entire build-up to it is necessary as well.

Good bye.
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Old 05-16-2010, 05:42 PM   #10
huevos
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedDeath9
Everybody is commenting on this piece, so I guess I may as well too.

The only thing I have to say is that bar 68 is ****ing genius. That cannot go unused. The entire build-up to it is necessary as well.

Good bye.


Quo vadis?

I really like your piece Futile in the submission thread. That's the type of atmosphere I wanna cultivate in my songs. If you post that in it's own thread, I'll gladly crit it. Something undeniably powerful about it.
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:09 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huevos
Quo vadis?


Nah haha, I was just making an abrupt exit, similar to my entry.

And yeah, I will probably put Futile in it's own thread sometime. Maybe after this week of the contest is done.

EDIT: I wasn't actually expecting a return crit for my post. I just wanted to comment.
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:54 PM   #12
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It's not about returning a crit, it's about commenting on a great song.
It'll be a good ego boost for you.
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:05 PM   #13
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I think the last thing I need is an ego boost.

But I understand. And I appreciate your thoughts.
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Old 06-26-2010, 11:15 PM   #14
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I love how this goes from Deku music from Zelda to complete brutality around bar 81.
This is definitely not a failure. When the Distortion Guitar comes in around bar 39, it really sets the whole mood for the riff, imo. That transition at Bar 103 is not jarring at all, but when all of the instruments came in at 114, it lost a special place in my heart. I really think you could've ended at 187 to spare some of the repitition.
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Old 12-12-2010, 06:22 AM   #15
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So, listening to this song again after a few months...

The intro is really catchy. Upbeat. I'm enjoying this...

Ah, bar 39. Here is the build-up to the epic.

I'm a little confused as to why you don't have drums during all of this... They'd make it sound a bit more... "complete," you know? Then again, if the drums were present in full force throughout the whole song, the impact at 68 wouldn't be as... awesome.

The apparent lack of coherent structure is usually fine with me, and I know I'm critting a heuvos piece here, so I have no qualms with the direction you take at bar 85

Bar 103 - Sounds like something epic is about to happen. But I wasn't a huge fan of 114. I liked it better the second time around, at 144. Now that I can hear it well, the celesta sounds really good I'm liking the bass around this part too.

I'm a big fan of everything after that.

As for what to do with this entire thing... Well... I just don't know.

Oh, and bar 176 - Is there a mistake in the acoustic guitar track there? It plays the high A note twice, whereas the celesta plays it once and then moves up to B.

Also, may I ask why your drums are always set as Acoustic Grand Piano?
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Old 12-12-2010, 10:41 PM   #16
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I might rework this song, given my current knowledge is much more advanced than when I wrote this song.
I'll be using the same template of instruments and ideas present in this song, but with a little more cohesive structuring. I gotta admit, this song is a bit messy.
It will retain the incoherent aspects, but with more of a modern classical style a la Arnold Schoenberg (I'll make an attempt at 12 tone technique, which could turn out horribly).

RedDeath9-I think it might have to do with my side of the formatting error. I usually just use "Save As GP4/5" instead of the "correct" way of format change (which idk how to do).
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:37 AM   #17
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This song needs more listens. I miss this era of the Tabs and Chords forum.
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:41 AM   #18
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:48 AM   #19
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Hey, condemning me for bumping this thread is like condemning someone for still talking about Mozart.
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Old 11-09-2012, 03:13 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedDeath9
This song needs more listens. I miss this era of the Tabs and Chords forum.


Absolutely. I haven't seen Huevos post here in ages actually.
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