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Old 10-03-2012, 05:49 PM   #1
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Future Family Portrait

[I found a couple of poems from two years ago. Changed them a bit and now let's see how they work.]

A friend once told me
our photograph could've might as well
been framed in paper wings.
She couldnít be more right.
Once we tried to fly, but only
managed to jump disastrously.
I've been failing to hunt
for angels' radiance and majesty.
I'm tired of simply seeing
the aftermath of accidents;
the injuries on looks;
the straw shelters.
Now I look in the mirror
and see that we arenít angels,
but human beings with the luck
of having collided with chance,
and that our shelter isn't palpable,
but made out of looks and words that hug,
kiss and ensure that everything is fine.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:12 PM   #2
smartalecG94
UG's Resident MoonMoon
 
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Chasing a stick
all in all, it really just didnt click with me :/ something about it felt kind of scattered...ill do a full crit later when i have time
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Old 10-04-2012, 07:48 PM   #3
kdownes
one among the Fence
 
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Location: Star IV
This is my favourite bit:

I'm tired of simply seeing
the aftermath of accidents;
the injuries on looks;
the straw shelters.

Everything else was good, maybe not to the quality of what you've been writing more recently, but enjoyable nonetheless. Those lines, however, are really great.
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