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Old 10-05-2012, 04:05 PM   #1
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Epistemology Of A Man's Armpit

Epistemology Of A Man's Armpit

"Well, who knows who, and who knows the who?
Who just learns in a manner of seconds?
Yes, the it
Why you ask?
Why don't you question your armpit? That's where all the shit speaks.. you know
Where mans toxic trails can be seen, so they say
So! Back to where we started

Sometimes it haunts me
This alphabetical rhyme
Kids singing in a choir
Happily without care
When suddenly, this macabre scene unfolds before my eyes
Children.. aligned on a conveyor belt
They are all blind
Wearing nothing but silk robes
And their arms.... reeks of the dead..
The stench is unbearable
And worst of all, They are given these absurd tools
Machines feeding them to the brink of death
Still, happily ever after they sing
As the conveyor belt descents. Where darkness utmost lingers..
On and on they chant, in an endless terrifying choir
The language is unknown to me, but somehow it makes perfect sense
As if I've heard it a thousand times before
I find myself weeping, but I don't know why and how
Feels like decades..
But then it hits me
And I wonder
If man will ever change
This suicidal path must end..
I grab my vest
Shaking myself
With all my might
I have to wake up!
My armpit radiates, pouring sweat all over
.... And I finally realise
When I hear this loud... chime
Louder...louder by the minute
It beckons to me, calling
Soothing tranquility, wrapping itself
Like a fine coil
The world starts to flicker

Finally I am able...to remove this shroud
How could we have known? Who we are, and who is?
Our mother tongue, is not what it seems to be
It is.. where ultimate order dwells
A global unseen doctrine
So you tell me
Am I insane?"

Last edited by Eccer : 04-14-2013 at 03:37 PM.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:21 PM   #2
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This is a very anxious piece. Literally, I think its about anxiety itself and if it is, then you've done a fair job at depicting it. A couple of qualms I have with this is the swearing at the beginning. I'm not against profanity in poetry but I feel it has to be central to the piece. Not just arbitrarily throw it in there. Also, if you were to remove the "alphabet" part I think the lines would still make sense, regardless of them being broken up by corresponding letters. I could be wrong though. Overall though man, I like this. It gets better the more you read it.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:25 AM   #3
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I removed the first "alphabet" phrase.
And yes, the swear was just thrown in there. As this text was very spontaneous.
The original idea was to create an acrostic, with the alphabet forming the poetry. But I found it to complicated..some other time perhaps

Last edited by Eccer : 10-07-2012 at 09:03 AM.
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Old 10-07-2012, 06:21 PM   #4
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My first thought whilst reading this was Brave New World.
Originally Posted by element4433
One time I watched a dog lick his own dick for twenty minutes.

Originally Posted by Seref
My genitals dangle limply in disgust and annoyance.
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Old 10-08-2012, 07:11 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by METAL_MAN135
My first thought whilst reading this was Brave New World.

Interesting, never read that actually.
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