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Old 10-06-2012, 01:15 PM   #1
rushmore's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007

swing low(
lest you hit &
break my nose/
no petals rose or
morning glow,
sky quiet with the
moon at our toes(
jump the el-e-va-tor,
man the emasculator\
pride i need not
keep, mountains tall
as steams steep,
white with pearl &
forlorn citrus(burn my
tongue, steal my
sleep!! leave the
coward in me)for the
wolves(for the hungry
avocados)the resentful
white-eyed lune(none of them
blue as you, maiden
melancholia, awful swine/
it comes in time)what?
something, im sure,
comes with time)
meteors, wrinkles, waning
winds/setting seas,
arithmetics, an ability to conjure
a feeling that could fill a continent
sized greeting card)

)birds will exist far past
the breadth of human existence(
the universe will see to
it/as will marmalade &
despondency(its imminent,
sylvia( so swing low, lest you
hit and break my nose(swing low!
sylvia!(ours is an innocence so
indestructible! avocado shaped
hearts with soft, slimy
middles(everything is too much to
know, so well remember very
little(sylvia(the toe jam the
buttoned noses those few things in the
Blog of my writing
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Old 10-06-2012, 02:29 PM   #2
Dregen's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
do you read e. e. cummings a lot?
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:03 PM   #3
Evil Pudding Emperor
EpiExplorer's Avatar
Join Date: May 2008
Location: (ʃƪ‿)
Ermergerd, Avercardurrr.
( ^.^) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ)

Originally Posted by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
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Old 10-07-2012, 10:12 PM   #4
Bad Santa
Jammydude44's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
"steal my
sleep!! leave the
coward in me"

Stood out as not quite belonging, I feel it came off a little tacky/wedged in.

Feeling/greeting wonderfully intertwined.

Really enjoyed the desperation of the second stanza. I really love the ending, but do think that the "(sylvia" disrupts the read and the flow. My opinion is the end would work better with the name removed, or perhaps alter the punctuation/spacing so it's not able to be tripped up on. I think it bugs me because the temptation is to read it as "littles", even though that makes no sense, it just feels the run on disrupts me as I head towards the finale. Lovely ending though.

Enjoyed it.
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Old 10-07-2012, 11:11 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Originally Posted by Dregen
do you read e. e. cummings a lot?

I was going to ask the same question, but with James Joyce instead.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
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Old 10-08-2012, 12:10 AM   #6
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Have read a couple Cummings poems, have yet to read James Joyce.

Blog of my writing
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:28 AM   #7
mon titre d'utilisateur
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Location: In the bucket at the end of time.

"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching
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