10-06-2012, 01:15 PM
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#1 |
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bblblubluewhale
Join Date: Jan 2007
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avocadohh
sylvia/
swing low( softly, lest you hit & break my nose/ no petals rose or morning glow, sky quiet with the moon at our toes( jump the el-e-va-tor, man the emasculator\ pride i need not keep, mountains tall as steams steep, white with pearl & forlorn citrus(burn my tongue, steal my sleep!! leave the coward in me)for the wolves(for the hungry avocados)the resentful white-eyed lune(none of them blue as you, maiden melancholia, awful swine/ it comes in time)what? something, i’m sure, comes with time) meteors, wrinkles, waning winds/setting seas, arithmetics, an ability to conjure a feeling that could fill a continent sized greeting card) )birds will exist far past the breadth of human existence( the universe will see to it/as will marmalade & despondency(it’s imminent, sylvia( so swing low, lest you hit and break my nose(swing low! sylvia!(ours is an innocence so indestructible! avocado shaped hearts with soft, slimy middles(everything is too much to know, so we’ll remember very little(sylvia(the toe jam the buttoned noses those few things in the middle( |
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10-06-2012, 02:29 PM
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#2 |
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blindly firing
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: south dakota, united states
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do you read e. e. cummings a lot?
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10-06-2012, 03:03 PM
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#3 | ||
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Pulling straws at random
Join Date: May 2008
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Ermergerd, Avercardurrr.
__________________
Quote:
Quote:
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10-07-2012, 10:12 PM
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#4 |
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Bad Santa
Join Date: May 2006
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"steal my
sleep!! leave the coward in me" Stood out as not quite belonging, I feel it came off a little tacky/wedged in. Feeling/greeting wonderfully intertwined. Really enjoyed the desperation of the second stanza. I really love the ending, but do think that the "(sylvia" disrupts the read and the flow. My opinion is the end would work better with the name removed, or perhaps alter the punctuation/spacing so it's not able to be tripped up on. I think it bugs me because the temptation is to read it as "littles", even though that makes no sense, it just feels the run on disrupts me as I head towards the finale. Lovely ending though. Enjoyed it. |
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10-07-2012, 11:11 PM
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#5 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2011
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Quote:
I was going to ask the same question, but with James Joyce instead.
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You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I. |
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10-08-2012, 12:10 AM
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#6 |
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bblblubluewhale
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Have read a couple Cummings poems, have yet to read James Joyce.
Thanks. |
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10-12-2012, 12:28 AM
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#7 |
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mon titre d'utilisateur
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
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Amazing.
__________________
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー じーんせいはっわんつー！ぱんち・・・ "Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching |
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