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Old 10-09-2012, 03:24 AM   #1
JimiJamesThe2nd
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Aeterna Solatium Domum

Bubbling echo
of warmth spread out
as well as over
human geographical oddities.
Asymmetrical visage -
Old family pictures
laid out
like waves crashing
cleanly against
inconsistent red carpeting,
laid out
like dunes of sand
running from Lawrence of Arabia
on old concrete.
Cavernous openings
of coffin-makers
spilling language.
I love you, too.
Iíll see you soon.

Iím beginning to understand
who the players are and
what the game is.
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Old 10-13-2012, 03:20 AM   #2
Markisawesome
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Whoa, this is a pretty heavy write. I like this. The flow is cool, like a freaky, technical, proggy piece. Good job.
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Old 10-13-2012, 06:07 AM   #3
culex-knight
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You should continue to post here.

I also really like this, but I'm always on the fence about ending amazing poems with little quips. This one no exception.
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Old 10-13-2012, 03:12 PM   #4
Markisawesome
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I'm imagining the little quip be put into like a whisper at the end, with like just a mic feedback or something, and then cut out.
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Old 10-15-2012, 12:26 PM   #5
treborillusion
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Location: The London Borough of Croydon, GB
Deep.

This song was deep, loving the subject matter and the language used, with not over using metaphores but keeping some excellent flowing descriptions up; that was cool.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:39 PM   #6
seventh_angel
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It's the first time I've read something from you I think, and you sound like a good writer to keep an eye on.
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