|12-05-2012, 08:01 PM||#1|
Join Date: Dec 2012
Heres a little acoustic anti-war song I've been working on for a while. It is a slower, finger-picked song in the key of C minor and each line is sung over one measure of Cm and one measure of G, until the fifth line, which is sung over an augmented D then G then Cm.
Dark clouds roll, theres a murder of crows
When the fast bullets fly, they'll all find their holes
These crows will strip the damned of their souls
and leave behind just gloom and turmoil
The crow is black like oil
You march and plow through concrete and steel
You must learn to ignore any guilt you might feel
Have you learned not to trust a bird that can't sing?
The crow, he's attuned to the hell that you bring, oh
The crow knows
To talk out of turn makes you a disgrace
You must look high and low for the life you misplaced
If a bullet strikes the soldier's face
Then, oh no----------
The world's not a pretty place, oh no
Eyes like coal and jack-knife claws
Black like the guns, three times he caws
In the name of justice, you must break all the laws
But can you plead forgiveness from your God?
You poor, poor killing sod
With a cackle so grim, you chatter your teeth
Of life and love, you could say you're a thief
What would you choose: your money or peace?
Have your wealth or fill my world with grief?
We both know
This is the first song I've actually taken the time to compose and the first set of lyrics I've ever written. Everything is still very tentative and any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance
|12-05-2012, 09:31 PM||#2|
Join Date: Sep 2012
The last line in your first stanza seems a bit out of place. I understand it was for the sake of keeping your rhyme scheme, but you may wanna reconsider it.
Other than that, this is quite an awesome message, you've painted here and using the crow to symbolize/further your point is awesome~
Could you please give mine a look-over?