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Old 10-12-2012, 09:31 AM   #1
nathan1991
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Untitled, advice?

see with my eyes
killed all the flies
i apologize
i apologize

walk your own shoes
you cant take mine
go too far
cross the line
said what you said
your feelings defined
turn on your heel
to change your mind

its too late now
i've resigned
i'm benign
i'm confined

see through my eyes
i cant appetize
mind unorganized
sit and agonize

but
i apologize
i apologize
i apologize
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Old 10-12-2012, 11:17 AM   #2
steve987
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>Looking Back

>See It Through My Eyes

>I Apologize

>Walk Your Own Shoes

>Across The Line
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:57 PM   #3
Mr.Pink101
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Location: In your wallet
Rhyme > content?

Doesn't work.

"I've resigned
I'm benign
I'm confined"

has about as much imagery as a steaming pile. Try writing with a clear story in mind.
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:57 PM   #4
nathan1991
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Mr pink 101, what imagery and clear story is needed?
it isnt a set of lyrics that aims to tell a story, and give descriptive imagery.
i aimed to get how i was feeling at the time into some lyrics.
thanks for the advice, obviously very useful.
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