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Old 10-24-2012, 02:49 PM   #1
vintage x metal
Brown-Thighed Girl
 
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Join Date: Sep 2006
as the harvest moon rises

.



the tittering sun that once carried my songs
aged and withered in whispers, all scarlet and blond,
locked in parchment inscribed in the branches of veins
(much like those on your palms)
braiding autumn leaf manes.

it's much quieter here
(far from feeding my lungs)
where my afterthoughts deal such a delicate stroke -
& instead of the slash, I stand biting my tongue
sighing only the portraits of what I had spoke.

they told me they loved me the moment I smiled
but were deaf to the screams leaking all through my teeth
til I burst like a blister of unfulfilled tides
flooding over the walls I could no longer feed.

should I burn all the trees just to unleash the clouds?
they're so carefully crafted by streams of my blood
but the only drops left are in crackles of brown,
just the bark of my dreams that once grew in the sun.
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Old 10-24-2012, 06:21 PM   #2
kdownes
one among the Fence
 
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Location: Star IV
Your writing is beautiful in both form and simplicity. You have a strong style that never feels forced or confining. I have no idea how you do it, but each of your pieces I've read since I've been back has touched me.
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:05 PM   #3
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
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That second stanza
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:54 PM   #4
brokencoastline
(objects) ocean.
 
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This feels quieter than I remember your writing being. It still reads like you but it feels more consistent I guess, like all the different images and phrases don't jump out at me but rather sit back and force me to dig through them more. I sort of miss that more insistent edge but this is really good. I hope that makes sense.
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images.
screens.

behind these two hills here I fall asleep.
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:33 PM   #5
Ganoosh
big gay celadon crocodile
 
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Location: Fat and Easy, Georgia, America
Sounds of modern adulthood. This poem, I think, is a very good thing.
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:27 PM   #6
Adub
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good imagery. the last line ties everything together.

C4C - thanks!

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...73#post30530173
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Old 11-07-2012, 12:32 PM   #7
vintage x metal
Brown-Thighed Girl
 
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thanks guys. I agree that its quieter - I haven't been very bitter lately. I've been wanting to find that ferocity somewhere. for now, though, trying to hone on finesse
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