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Old 10-29-2012, 10:53 PM   #1
Flevi
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Not who I used to be/blues or grunge?

Hello community, I am new here and I've been reading some of this beautifully writing so I thought I might give it a shot.

I'm not who I used to be,
But I know I'm not me
I'm not who I used to be
And I don't know where I'm going

I remember when I used to think
About what I wanted to be
When I'd grown up
It makes me so sick I could throw up

I'll just live on the streets
Carry my house on my back
My life in sheets
Oh I know I'm not me

Maybe I'd get famous
Or work pornography
But let's face it,
It's just a dream

What the hell do I want to be?
Why can't I figure out me?
I'm not who I used to be,*
But I know, oh I know I'm not me.
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Old 10-30-2012, 02:24 PM   #2
freighttrain
freighttrain
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: England
Its quite good. Comes across as more of a poem than a song, its hard to hear music behind it although adding a rhyming scheme may help with this. May also benefit from combining the short verses into 2 or 3 longer sections.

All in all a good effort but needs a little work. Keep it up
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