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Old 11-01-2012, 07:34 PM   #1
Somekid94
Dingus
 
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: PA
Just another love song

I think its crappy, but I wrote it for my girlfriend, and apparently she loved it. I wanted some other input.

Every time I close my eyes,
I see you there.
Every time I close my eyes,
I hear your sighs.
Every time I close my eyes
I feel you beside me, holding me

Through all the heart break,
Through all the heart break,
I've been broken down,
But I still can see your face.

And
Through the breakdown,
Through the breakdown,
You're still there holding me tight
Telling me it's alright.

I slip and,
Fall down,
You're still there
To help me up

Through all the bullshit and the breakdowns,
You're still there and it means I must be made for you.
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Old 11-01-2012, 08:23 PM   #2
GazzaCee
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If it's good enough to get you laid, then who cares?

Nah, it's pretty good. Seems a bit short, and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of structure.

The words themselves are pretty good, they convey the emotion well. I like the variation of "Through all the heart break" and "Through the breakdown" - it keeps it fresh.

I like this.
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That's what.

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Old 11-01-2012, 10:12 PM   #3
Somekid94
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Thank you!

There really wasn't any idea as far as structure or rhyme scheme went, I just felt like if it portrayed my emotions well and fit into the guitar chords I came up with it would have to do.
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