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Old 11-02-2012, 02:44 AM   #21
AeolianWolf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hail
http://oi52.tinypic.com/25hzmzc.jpg

it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it


but it's extremely true. (those kinds of) nice guys finish last.

that said, i'm not 100% convinced of the relevance to the current topic(s) at hand...
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Old 11-02-2012, 02:46 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by AeolianWolf
but it's extremely true. (those kinds of) nice guys finish last.

that said, i'm not 100% convinced of the relevance to the current topic(s) at hand...


yeah it's absolutely useless but it helped me a surprising amount when i was a freshman with shyness. well, i was trying to get laid, but shyness goes along with it
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Old 11-02-2012, 02:48 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Hail
yeah it's absolutely useless but it helped me a surprising amount when i was a freshman with shyness. well, i was trying to get laid, but shyness goes along with it


actually, i found that it rings quite true and bookmarked it.
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Old 11-02-2012, 02:52 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hail
show

it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it
lrn 2 img+spoiler tags

also, ftfy a little bit.


Or rather;
show
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Old 11-02-2012, 07:02 AM   #25
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Not much good advice there if you ask me. Entire books have been written about overcoming shyness, becoming a more outgoing person.

There are plenty of good helpful suggestions that could be made. "Get over it" just isn't one of them, no matter how many bands he is in.


Hmm my other thought was "suck it up......and get over it".

Perhaps you would like some fairy words, like breaking your comfort zone and gaining tools to learn to cope with situations where you feel uncomfortable, but the best way to deal with these things is to simply put yourself in the situation and learn that way.

Aeolian: Thanks for the props in respect to my experience gigging, I do gig quite a bit.
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Old 11-02-2012, 07:20 AM   #26
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Facebook? I think that's the simplest way, you're not gonna walk around the schools hallways asking people if they wanna play in a band anyway so it's either Facebook or patience. Bulletin board is an option too, but amongst your age group it seems kinda futile.

On Facebook too though the advice you seem to need is AlanHB's "suck it up.....and get over it". So just send a message to the schools group or whatever there is and see if you get an answer.

Good luck with it anyway. Don't wait for it too much though! You're shyness will go away in time, but for now you just have to go through the "shame" and uncertainty of the start
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Old 11-02-2012, 08:43 AM   #27
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You need to love lots of puppies, where they lick your face and stuff and you feel good like that in the controlled, safe environment you could be paying for, TS.
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Old 11-02-2012, 09:51 AM   #28
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My last price of advice is something my stepfather told me, "just ask people the worst thing they can do is say no" in other words don't be so worried about how others might react or answer or think of " this kid" just go up and ask you've probably made a few acquaintences already
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Old 11-02-2012, 10:46 AM   #29
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Get to know someone that plays in a band as a friend and then ask what they would think about starting a band. Or if you know someone that plays that are less shy, you could start with them and get them to ask.
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Old 11-02-2012, 11:24 AM   #30
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TS, find out if your school has a Musician's club of sorts for musicians to network. You can also post a flyer looking for bandmates at your local record shop (specify if you're looking for people of a certain age group, unless you don't mind jamming with people who might be much older than you).

Start talking to people... Once you get through the hurdle of making a couple of friends (something beyond mere acquaintances), you'll meet other people much quicker through them and some are bound to play instruments (or know somebody who does as it was mentioned in this thread already).

You have an interest. If you find other people with the same interest in common, just talk about it. It won't be too hard to relate to them and make friends when you have an interest in common. Edit: it also helps cause it's easier to talk to anybody about something you are familiar with or passionate for.

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Old 11-02-2012, 11:29 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aki100
I'm also really shy... How should I overcome this?


I found that masturbating in public helped me overcome my shyness.

Srs.

...

Yeah alright I'm just kidding.

The thing about shyness is that it creates a feedback loop. You feel shy, so you back out of situations that will expose that shyness, then you feel shyer, and so on.

The only way out of a loop like that is to exit the loop.

You don't have to jump in both feet first, but if you find you're backing out of social situations you feel uncomfortable in but are perfectly reasonable to have to deal with (uncomfortable silences, making a bit of a tit of yourself, not knowing what to say) then the first step is to force yourself to (a) enter and (b) stick with those situations a little bit longer than you usually would and - importantly - try to relax and just go with it.

Don't try to be someone you're not, but don't believe that people with the biggest gobs and the biggest apparent egos have everyone looking at them. Most people are so intent on themselves they wouldn't notice even if you took your kecks off and **REMAINDER OF POST REMOVED**
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oh shut up with that /mu/ bullshit. fidget house shouldn't even be a genre, why in the world would it deserve its own subgenres you twat
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Old 11-02-2012, 11:22 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hail
http://oi52.tinypic.com/25hzmzc.jpg

it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it

Without context the information in the link you posted is so frustratingly wrong.

"nice guy" and "real man" are not antonyms as the link suggests and I think it could be improved by explaining that.

A nice guy is someone that is a "good" person that helps people and genuinely cares for the well being of others.

A bad guy is someone that is a "bad" person that is selfish, narcissistic and doesn't care if he hurts people in getting what he wants.

What the link you provided describes is the type of guy that displays behaviour often misinterpreted as being nice but is really nothing more than a display of weak minded, supplicant insecurity.

The correct antonym of the "real man" in this instance should be the "fake man". A guy that wants people to like him so much he compromises his own self worth and pretends he's happy doing it is a pretty fake guy.

While the list is encouraging positive outlooks and self appreciation, which I support, it should be clear that this "nice guy" nonsense that everyone goes on about is not really being nice it's being a pussy.

I think it is important that a guy can be a nice guy as well as be a "real man" that can attract any woman he wants, and finish first. In order to do so it is important to realize the distinction between being nice and being weak minded.
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Old 11-03-2012, 03:05 AM   #33
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I used to be ******edly shy. I couldn't talk to anyone without mumbling and rambling nervously.

The reason I was shy was because I didn't have any confidence. I was afraid to talk to people because I was afraid of what their reaction would be.

I did "get over it", but only because I eventually learned that I didn't have anything to be afraid of. I socialized with people who wanted to talk to me, so that I was able to prove to myself that interacting would have a positive outcome.

In a similar vein, first time I ever did karaoke in a non rent-a-room setting, it was in a packed bar with a table full of cute coeds right in front of the stage. My legs were shaking so badly I could barely stand up.

That was six years ago, at least. Now, I don't blink twice getting up on stage to sing, because I know I can do it.

The way to get over your shyness is to set up situations where you'll achieve a positive outcome. Fear comes from uncertainty. Once that uncertainty is removed, the fear will likewise be removed.

Socialize with other musicians. Find/form a club. Practice your instrument. Have confidence in your playing. The rest will follow.
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Old 11-03-2012, 05:45 AM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20Tigers
Without context the information in the link you posted is so frustratingly wrong.

"nice guy" and "real man" are not antonyms as the link suggests and I think it could be improved by explaining that.

A nice guy is someone that is a "good" person that helps people and genuinely cares for the well being of others.

A bad guy is someone that is a "bad" person that is selfish, narcissistic and doesn't care if he hurts people in getting what he wants.

What the link you provided describes is the type of guy that displays behaviour often misinterpreted as being nice but is really nothing more than a display of weak minded, supplicant insecurity.

The correct antonym of the "real man" in this instance should be the "fake man". A guy that wants people to like him so much he compromises his own self worth and pretends he's happy doing it is a pretty fake guy.

While the list is encouraging positive outlooks and self appreciation, which I support, it should be clear that this "nice guy" nonsense that everyone goes on about is not really being nice it's being a pussy.

I think it is important that a guy can be a nice guy as well as be a "real man" that can attract any woman he wants, and finish first. In order to do so it is important to realize the distinction between being nice and being weak minded.


Amen to that. Real men don't feel the need to be someone other than themselves, they're not scared of standing up for what they believe in, but they're not so blind as to think that their opinion is the only thing that matters. Real men are at peace with themselves and aren't afraid to be the loser in an argument.
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oh shut up with that /mu/ bullshit. fidget house shouldn't even be a genre, why in the world would it deserve its own subgenres you twat
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Old 11-03-2012, 08:27 AM   #35
Hail
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20Tigers
Without context the information in the link you posted is so frustratingly wrong.

"nice guy" and "real man" are not antonyms as the link suggests and I think it could be improved by explaining that.

A nice guy is someone that is a "good" person that helps people and genuinely cares for the well being of others.

A bad guy is someone that is a "bad" person that is selfish, narcissistic and doesn't care if he hurts people in getting what he wants.

What the link you provided describes is the type of guy that displays behaviour often misinterpreted as being nice but is really nothing more than a display of weak minded, supplicant insecurity.

The correct antonym of the "real man" in this instance should be the "fake man". A guy that wants people to like him so much he compromises his own self worth and pretends he's happy doing it is a pretty fake guy.

While the list is encouraging positive outlooks and self appreciation, which I support, it should be clear that this "nice guy" nonsense that everyone goes on about is not really being nice it's being a pussy.

I think it is important that a guy can be a nice guy as well as be a "real man" that can attract any woman he wants, and finish first. In order to do so it is important to realize the distinction between being nice and being weak minded.

did you not read the middle when it said "nice" was synonymous with manipulation, just like "real" is synonymous with "confident and self-accepting"

did you also think when it said real man, it meant a man that really existed?

it was very clear i thought


btw can we please turn this into a microdebate about getting laid instead of the usual modes crap cause i can totally win this one

Last edited by Hail : 11-03-2012 at 08:29 AM.
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Old 11-03-2012, 08:33 AM   #36
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^^^ sure why not. And I agree, there is a strong argument that the stereotypical "nice guy" is actually a form of manipulation. Personally it's too much effort for me to go to those lengths, I'm more into a "partnership" than praising my partner like a god whilst also tracing her every move.
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Old 11-03-2012, 08:51 AM   #37
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^^ me thinks thats exactly the point: Nice guys just pretend to be nice and manipulate people to get sth, they show their true colors when they dont get the kitty, thats why they fail, thats why they are so annoying and their personality is just a weak made up construct, and thats why woman have that label ready to be pasted as soon as they reek it.

Imo it is clear for those with a little experience that the description of strong man didnt instantly mean being the alpha dick male every second of every interaction at any cost, like some kiddies that read too much pua stuff. Being a cool guy/strong man does not exclude being truly "nice" to yourself and others.

The coolest guys ive ever known actually embody all the real man characteristics while staying truly " nice guys. " (Man or women just throw their panties at them after 2 minutes of conversating)

Ts i doubt you are clinically ill, so getting over it is just a gradual process... a jump into cold water is pretty satysfing and quick too.. you pick.. you can just jump into the pool and freeze for a couple seconds or slowly walk into the cold water.. do whatever you want, its up to you, just dont stand there still doing nothing
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Old 11-03-2012, 09:21 AM   #38
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@Aki100 - This will take some courage but will be so worth it - do it:

Tomorrow when you go to school walk up to at least five girls from different circles (at least three of them have to be cute girls) and say,

"Hey you look like someone that's pretty clued up. I only have a couple minutes and was hoping you could help me find some musicians. See I'm new here and I play the guitar as well as the piano and I can sing a little but I mostly I focus on guitar. I would really like to jam with some other musicians maybe even get a band going or something but I'm new here and don't really know if anyone around here plays an instrument. It would be awesome if could help me. What kids around here are play an instrument or sing or something?"

The trick is to not wimp out. See the girl and within five seconds of seeing her walk straight up to her and say the above. Don't hesitate, don't hover or pscyh yourself up don't think about it - just do it. You have to do it instantly.

What you need to realize is that all those kids deal with the same issues you do. They are pretty much all like you. They are nice people and willing to help you if you just ask.

The above script will work pretty well because it does a few key things - it starts with something they will believe is true. By telling them you only have a couple minutes you will indicate that you are not going to take up a whole heap of their time trying to talk to them about nothing. You get straight to the point while also telling them a little about you and then you tell them how they can help you. Most people want to help.

Most likely outcome is that they will give you the name or a couple names of someone they know of that is musical. If she just gives you names, then say something like,
"See I knew you would be the sort of girl with her finger on the pulse. I'm only new here so a name is a great start but I don't know who that name belongs to, could you point them out - or what would be really awesome is if you could introduce me to them - I'm actually pretty shy sometimes?" That last part might blow her mind considering you just walked up to her but it gives her a reason to introduce you to some of the musician's she knows. People are more likely to do something if there is a reason attached. Even if that reason is pretty weak.

If she says they're not around ask her if she does see them could she make sure to point them out to you or even introduce you.

Another response you might get when you approach the girl asking for help is a flat out "no" that could simply mean the girl is shy and/or doesn't know who at the school is musically inclined.

It's possible but not likely that you will get a cold or rude reply. Most people are pretty nice. If they aren't that is not on you it's on them they are not well adjusted and you don't really want to get to know them anyway - no matter how cute they appear on the outside those chicks are ugly.

It is unlikely though - believe me. If you make it your mission to walk up to five girls tomorrow then you will not fail to find some musicians. Of course if your first attempt pays off and you meet some musicians then mission accomplished and you don't need to go up to the other four. But you might see a cute girl that you want to get to know and you should go up and tell her the same thing too.

Kids are sympathetic. They want to help (especially girls). If you do this it will not fail I promise. and chances are you will meet some girls too.

what not to do: Don't hover don't overthink it - walk straight up to a girl as soon as you see her and start talking. Don't give away your name unless she asks for it - you will introduce yourself as a musician and a new kid at the school but wait until she asks before you give her your name - also don't ask for hers - even if she asks for your name tell her your name but don't ask for hers. Let her give it to you. Even if the whole interaction goes well and you are going to meet her the next day at the morning break and she doesn't ask your name don't even worry about it if you really need to call her something notice something cool and interesting about her clothes or something and make a playful nickname from it. She will eventually give you her name.

The advice given in this thread is correct. You do need to "get over it". i know it's tough, really hard actually. But set your mind to it. Be determined and make it a mission that you have to accomplish. If you can take the stage then think of it as a performance if it helps. Do not accept failure. If you do chicken out on day one then set your mind and carry out the mission on day 2. Don't put it off though do it straight away on your next school day.

If you really want to get over the shyness thing then this will help you a great deal, but PM me and I'll give you some practical and useful tips to helping you get over this inhibition.

Peace
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Old 11-03-2012, 10:56 AM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hail
did you not read the middle when it said "nice" was synonymous with manipulation, just like "real" is synonymous with "confident and self-accepting"

did you also think when it said real man, it meant a man that really existed?

it was very clear i thought


btw can we please turn this into a microdebate about getting laid instead of the usual modes crap cause i can totally win this one
Yip I saw that. i just didn't think it was right to make "nice" synonymous with "manipulation and insecurity" - that's not nice. i just think it could have elaborated a bit more on that point. Guys that fall into that category may become defensive an say "what a load or crap" I'm proud to be a nice guy and don't want to give that up - screw this guy. So let them keep their "nice title" but make sure they are clear on the difference between being nice and being an insecure pliable little walk-over.

Oh and okay...Well I don't know about a debate. But what are your favourite openers, even better your favourite closers? Do you recommend any literature? Have you read Neil Strauss aka Style?
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Old 11-03-2012, 12:58 PM   #40
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I was painfully shy when I was younger, and was bullied a lot in school. The best advice I can give regarding that is to just relax. Be yourself. That's it. The mindset you should have is "I'm going to say what is on my mind, and if someone doesn't like it, tough shit."

Don't try too hard to impress people, and just say what you need to. Just think, either someone might legitimately disagree with you, and that's okay, because then you can perhaps learn from a different perpsective, or in the other case, if they are rude, they're probably just an idiot/asshole/bitch (pardon my Francais), and it doesn't matter what they think, no more than what an animal or a rock thinks, so it's not even worth getting upset about or starting an argument, unless they are invading your rights/getting in your way, in which, by all means, get angry, and let them know. Don't bottle it up.

But take heart, most people are not assholes; they are usually nice people who are shy like you, and afraid to stand up to jerks. Even people you'd never expect could actually see themselves as "introverts."

Also, don't put people on pedestals. Everyone is a human, just like you.

I guess this is just general advice to "get over it" (which is what you need to do). For this situation specifically, take Tiger 20's advice. Set some sort of short-term goal like the one he stated and just do it. I'm actually going to try to take his advice (not looking for musicians and high school is the ancient past for me, but generally speaking).

Getting involved in extracurriculur activities can help too. I forced myself to take two semesters of improv comedy, and it was nerve-wracking at times (especially during shows) but it was really fun and I made a lot of friends. I didn't take it this semester and I'm still kind of an introvert, but, hey, I try.

Last edited by MrDo0m : 11-03-2012 at 02:17 PM.
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