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Old 10-21-2012, 10:59 PM   #1
celitus
Baroque and roll
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Once Upon a Time

Just finished up some lyrics for a new song, any feedback would be great, basicly about betryal and loss of innocence


--------------------------
Eden's Touch
The Silent echo
longing within
The silence still is holding me
In a sleep eternally

All I can see
Shattered Mirror of reality
the pieces looking back at me
Fractured Broken Harmony

My Life
Wants more
Theres a brighter light
on the darkest shore

Lost days
unmourned by me
Fleeting Easily
As we learn to see

who needs who
and why what for
I had to know
I couldnt live my life
Cause once upon a time
the door was open
I know
that theres a chance that
well never go back
to the days of old
cause once upon a time
had been so long ago

The only words that mattered
The broken childhood laugher
The sounds of life that falling
out of grace

The fragile twisted mask I wear
it hides me from the neverwhere
Still waiting for the one to come
and take the mystery away

who needs who
and why what for
I had to know
I couldnt live my life
Cause once upon a time
the door was open
I know
that theres a chance that
well never go back
to the days of old
cause once upon a time
had been so long ago

<I gave my time and you did take it
dead man's noose around my neck
you drag me down and you cant save it
childhood hope it did not make it

turn my heart into a weapon
take your silver let it happen
after all that we've been through
my everything I gave to you>

<<once upon a time we make it
every single night im waiting
for yesterdays, and everysingle
moment of my life replays>>
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:35 AM   #2
BjarnedeGraaf
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really digging the deep and meaningful lyrics. great job, the only thing is the once upon a time sentence. it repeats a bit too much for my taste
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Old 10-22-2012, 05:41 AM   #3
Eccer
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Ahem



I can sense where your inspiration came from
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:00 AM   #4
smartalecG94
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Was the edens touch that obvious?
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:40 PM   #5
celitus
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Thanks for the response.

I am actually a big Kamelot fan, so the lyrics reminding you of them is a compliment, although beyond song titles, I dont really get what similarities there are between mine and that song
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Old 10-25-2012, 02:43 AM   #6
Eccer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celitus
Thanks for the response.

I am actually a big Kamelot fan, so the lyrics reminding you of them is a compliment, although beyond song titles, I dont really get what similarities there are between mine and that song


Just the title actually, and that your lyrics are reminiscent of Kamelot
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:01 AM   #7
celitus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eccer
Just the title actually, and that your lyrics are reminiscent of Kamelot


Well thats always good to hear! thanks haha
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Old 11-02-2012, 06:40 AM   #8
arthur_s
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Quite long song. It's a big story. Now would like to hear from you also music background for that song
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Old 11-02-2012, 10:03 PM   #9
DLittle
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These lyrics sort of remind me of some E.A. Poe poems (which is a compliment). Keep up the good work!
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Old 11-05-2012, 11:01 PM   #10
celitus
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A version of it with demo vocals can be found here (Very rough mix on the vocals still) http://soundcloud.com/gatexiii/once...ocals-1/s-Mqxu0
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