11-09-2012, 05:57 AM
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#1 |
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RE: Su...de "Ret-Siger!"
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Chain Lincoln
"Chain Lincoln"
------ Lay the hilt down Time and again It's better to cede Than drown I ain't a martyr-man Walking till My soles are worn Lucifer ain't bad As the rep he's earned Born and born again Not so radical To eradicate Eradicate again To bleed them is to lead them To seed them is to feed them Again and again When the dust is kicked up It keeps me in thirst For the bones I've earned To thrust me to birth Slave to the sun Love is a burn Stripping my back Stripping me black Stepping in row Transcending the gods Who lay dead and in bind From the nations of Ra To bleed them is to lead them To seed them is to feed them Again and again Tears become dry Before they can say Goodbye to the ducts Repent and repay Creeping like fog Smoking as slag Scorching the earth Is the right of the land Bleed them again Lead them again Seed them again Feed them forever Again And again And again. |
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11-09-2012, 10:10 AM
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#2 |
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UG's Barmaid.
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Preston, Northwest England
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Gotta say these are pretty wonderful. Minimal but profound, lots of simple imagery.
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When altitude dropping, my ears started popping. One more red nightmare... |
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11-10-2012, 05:38 AM
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#3 |
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RE: Su...de "Ret-Siger!"
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Thank you. Is there anything you would like me to crit in return?
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11-10-2012, 09:40 AM
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#4 |
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mostly harmless
Join Date: Nov 2011
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I don't like the "to thrust me to birth" line: it sounds awkward. But the "tears become dry" stanza is very nice.
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not going viral Hot E-Cousin of rjaylaf Non Evil E-Twin of stealstrings E-NEMESIS of deathdrummer |
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