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Old 11-09-2012, 05:57 AM   #1
Chaingarden
RE: Su...de "Ret-Siger!"
 
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Chain Lincoln

"Chain Lincoln"

------

Lay the hilt down
Time and again
It's better to cede
Than drown

I ain't a martyr-man

Walking till
My soles are worn
Lucifer ain't bad
As the rep he's earned
Born and born again
Not so radical
To eradicate
Eradicate again

To bleed them is to lead them
To seed them is to feed them
Again and again

When the dust is kicked up
It keeps me in thirst
For the bones I've earned
To thrust me to birth

Slave to the sun
Love is a burn
Stripping my back
Stripping me black
Stepping in row
Transcending the gods
Who lay dead and in bind
From the nations of Ra

To bleed them is to lead them
To seed them is to feed them
Again and again

Tears become dry
Before they can say
Goodbye to the ducts
Repent and repay
Creeping like fog
Smoking as slag
Scorching the earth
Is the right of the land


Bleed them again
Lead them again
Seed them again
Feed them forever
Again
And again
And again.
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:10 AM   #2
rednightmare
UG's Barmaid.
 
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Preston, Northwest England
Gotta say these are pretty wonderful. Minimal but profound, lots of simple imagery.
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Old 11-10-2012, 05:38 AM   #3
Chaingarden
RE: Su...de "Ret-Siger!"
 
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Thank you. Is there anything you would like me to crit in return?
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Old 11-10-2012, 09:40 AM   #4
girlgerms007
mostly harmless
 
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Join Date: Nov 2011
I don't like the "to thrust me to birth" line: it sounds awkward. But the "tears become dry" stanza is very nice.
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