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Old 11-12-2012, 03:19 AM   #1
Lyrax
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Location: Göteborg, Sweden.
Poem.

The feelings forever stay.
They are dead memories.
I thought about leaving it all behind.
To forget it, erase it.
Maybe I won't, maybe I may.
The feelings forever stay.
Maybe I will be only be a memory,
I'll go to sleep, so they finally will stop stabbing, you see,
The dead memories are haunting me.

You will probably hear a whisper, from the tree, of
a twinned noose of agony.
We will be sharing our own dead memory, after these years I hope you still will love me.
Count the days, light the candle, count the days they I have been away.
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Old 11-12-2012, 06:40 PM   #2
剣 斧 血
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I like this piece. Though I'd suggest maybe changing the second line to just 'Dead memories'.
Also on the last line 'count the days they I have been away.', I'm assuming that's a typo and should be 'that'?

Nice one though.
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Old 11-13-2012, 05:23 AM   #3
Lyrax
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 剣 斧 血
I like this piece. Though I'd suggest maybe changing the second line to just 'Dead memories'.
Also on the last line 'count the days they I have been away.', I'm assuming that's a typo and should be 'that'?

Nice one though.

Thanks!
That "they" is of course a typo.
It sounds a little bit better, but I feel like it takes away the meaning a little bit.
Thank you none the less.
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Old 11-17-2012, 03:54 AM   #4
lillianyang
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Such a good writing, or by I saw for the first time.Good point. Thank you for sharing
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Old 11-17-2012, 06:05 PM   #5
Lyrax
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lillianyang
Such a good writing, or by I saw for the first time.Good point. Thank you for sharing

Thank you
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