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Old 11-28-2012, 11:57 PM   #1
TNA
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Should I leave the band

I'm the drummer in a band. The other guys in the band are very good friends of mine. But I feel like I should leave for a few reasons. The first is that our singer is not good. I've always known that he wasn't great, but I've had some people tell me he is even hard to listen to. It is also becoming very difficult to manage everyone's schedules. We used to have a set day for practices, but the singer got a new job, the guitar player has school, and it seems like I am the only one with any sort of flexibility. Because of this we have been practicing maybe twice a month recently, and it is very difficult to book shows when nobody is sure if they can make it. I also feel like the band is not progressing much. We've been together as a band for a year now, we've written about 10 songs, played a few shows, and done some home recordings. I want us to go a bit further, I don't want to keep playing small crappy venues, I was trying to get us on the radio last month but we missed out because the other guys were too lazy. Currently we don't have a bass player because he moved a while ago. Yet I am the only person making any effort to find a new bass player. I also own the place we practice at, I own the PA, I own the bass rig, I do all the recordings, merch, bookings, contact everyone for practices.

So from the standpoint of it being a successful band, it's going nowhere and I want out. However, these guys are my friends, and music has always been a big social thing for me. Pretty much the only time I get to see these guys are at practices. So I'm afraid that if I break up the band, I also will lose the friendships. I've joined other bands before while still being in this one and it worked out alright. But we got some pretty harsh comments after our last show, and I'd rather not be in a band that causes me stress and people dislike.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:23 AM   #2
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Mate, if you want to be successful you shouldn't have gone with that singer in the first place.

But yes, your instincts are right, leave the band. You seem like the sort of guy who would be a good asset to another band, one that has their crap together.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:49 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlanHB
Mate, if you want to be successful you shouldn't have gone with that singer in the first place.

But yes, your instincts are right, leave the band. You seem like the sort of guy who would be a good asset to another band, one that has their crap together.

Thanks, the reason we went with him in the first place is that I'm sure you are aware, singers are very hard to find. Basically this guy was cool, not on drugs, had good stage presence, and showed up to practice. Basically everything you would want in a singer, except for the voice.
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Old 11-29-2012, 02:32 AM   #4
91RG350
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Apologies in advance for being a bit harsh....

- You practice twice a month
- You dont have a bass player
- Your singer, while commendable for sticking at it, cannot sing

Sorry, but that is not a band
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:17 AM   #5
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How does he have stage presence, if he has no voice?... imo those 2 things would go hand in hand...
If you leave the band, there will not be a band...(you are a drummer)

something similar happened to me a while ago, we had no singer, and when we got one, nobody wanted to book a show because we 'were not prepared', even though we practiced for a whole year... i got gigs at small venues and stuff, but we wouldn't show up because everybody would chicken out...
we got a new singer and the guy's regular job is in PR...so, imagine that, we got gigs 2-3 times a month and we practice every weekend...
AND STILL...everybody are such pussies and meanwhile, i do gigs with another 2 bands...

But mate, don't give up, go scouting and get new musicians, it's not that hard to find somebody who shares the same interests as you...and that doesn't mean you have to leave your friends...
Not every friend has to be a bandmate...but just the opposite, otherwise it will not work...

Oh, and this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by 91RG350
Apologies in advance for being a bit harsh....

- You practice twice a month
- You dont have a bass player
- Your singer, while commendable for sticking at it, cannot sing

Sorry, but that is not a band
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Old 11-29-2012, 04:04 AM   #6
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There doesn't have to be a lot of drama about this. People are legitimately too busy, and aren't prioritizing the band. It's essentially withering on the vine, and all that's left to do is acknowledge it.

"Hey, guys, I just wanted to check in about how I'm feeling. I've always enjoyed playing with you guys, but lately this has just gotten frustrating as other priorities have gotten in the way of us taking it to the next level. I am not blaming anyone, but I feel like it's time to stop pretending that we're a band that's really interested in trying to take it to the next level. To that end, while I'm more than happy to jam out with you guys - I look forward to it, in fact - I've decided to stop trying to be the guy who tries to make this happen. I'm going to start putting my energy into other musical projects.

This project has been a total blast - thanks for taking the journey with me. And now, onward and upward!"

I'd have conversation in person if I could, but you can do it invidually with band members if that's easier. There are a couple of little white lies in there, and that's fine - for the sake of the friendship, letting the (entirely legitimate) scheduling and priority issues be your public reason is just fine.

You don't have to make it about quitting the band. You're just stepping back from your organizational role, and given what's going on, that's going to be the end of the band ... no muss, minimal fuss.
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Old 11-29-2012, 07:14 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TNA
Thanks, the reason we went with him in the first place is that I'm sure you are aware, singers are very hard to find. Basically this guy was cool, not on drugs, had good stage presence, and showed up to practice. Basically everything you would want in a singer, except for the voice.


Well the voice is pretty important for a singer
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Old 11-29-2012, 02:32 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HotspurJr
There doesn't have to be a lot of drama about this. People are legitimately too busy, and aren't prioritizing the band. It's essentially withering on the vine, and all that's left to do is acknowledge it.

"Hey, guys, I just wanted to check in about how I'm feeling. I've always enjoyed playing with you guys, but lately this has just gotten frustrating as other priorities have gotten in the way of us taking it to the next level. I am not blaming anyone, but I feel like it's time to stop pretending that we're a band that's really interested in trying to take it to the next level. To that end, while I'm more than happy to jam out with you guys - I look forward to it, in fact - I've decided to stop trying to be the guy who tries to make this happen. I'm going to start putting my energy into other musical projects.

This project has been a total blast - thanks for taking the journey with me. And now, onward and upward!"

I'd have conversation in person if I could, but you can do it invidually with band members if that's easier. There are a couple of little white lies in there, and that's fine - for the sake of the friendship, letting the (entirely legitimate) scheduling and priority issues be your public reason is just fine.

You don't have to make it about quitting the band. You're just stepping back from your organizational role, and given what's going on, that's going to be the end of the band ... no muss, minimal fuss.



This sounds really good in theory and is most likely something I will say to them. However, knowing them I know how they will respond. "What are you talking about?" "The band is my main priority" "We are interested in taking the band to the next level." Somehow they always think there are no problems, and whenever I bring up a problem they act like they have no idea that there is a problem at all, and that it's just me with the problem.
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Old 11-29-2012, 09:25 PM   #9
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Just leave the bloody band, if they're half decent mates they'll understand.
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Old 11-29-2012, 09:38 PM   #10
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Find another more serious band.

Keep this one "for sh!ts and giggles."

Stop booking shows and trying to find a bass player and see if anyone picks up the ball. If not, you still get together and hang out with some guys you still call friends and make some noise together.

CT
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Old 11-30-2012, 02:39 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by axemanchris
Find another more serious band.

Keep this one "for sh!ts and giggles."

Stop booking shows and trying to find a bass player and see if anyone picks up the ball. If not, you still get together and hang out with some guys you still call friends and make some noise together.

CT
This. Stop beating a dead horse. Focus your energy on finding a committed band. It can be tough to find, but it sounds like you won't get there with this band.

So look for another band and jam with these guys casually. If any of them books a decent gig, then that's great, but don't count on it.
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Old 11-30-2012, 04:34 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TNA
This sounds really good in theory and is most likely something I will say to them. However, knowing them I know how they will respond. "What are you talking about?" "The band is my main priority" "We are interested in taking the band to the next level." Somehow they always think there are no problems, and whenever I bring up a problem they act like they have no idea that there is a problem at all, and that it's just me with the problem.


Well, my response would be twofold:

First, say "Making the band a priority means X, Y, and Z to me, and those things aren't happening." (Stuff like adequate rehearsal time, etc). "If you guys could really commit to that, that'd be something else but it doesn't seem like you will."

Then you say, "And I don't feeling like the cop, the guy who's job it is to make everything happen, so somebody else has to take over that role."

If you're right about their motivation levels, then the band will just die from neglect.

Worst case scenario here is that somebody else takes over the leadship, everybody gets motivated and starts working hard again, and you have more time (since you're not leading the band) to explore other musical options with other people.
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Old 12-01-2012, 08:41 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by HotspurJr
Well, my response would be twofold:

First, say "Making the band a priority means X, Y, and Z to me, and those things aren't happening." (Stuff like adequate rehearsal time, etc). "If you guys could really commit to that, that'd be something else but it doesn't seem like you will."

Then you say, "And I don't feeling like the cop, the guy who's job it is to make everything happen, so somebody else has to take over that role."

If you're right about their motivation levels, then the band will just die from neglect.

Worst case scenario here is that somebody else takes over the leadship, everybody gets motivated and starts working hard again, and you have more time (since you're not leading the band) to explore other musical options with other people.


Good point. I think the band's going to just die from neglect anyways. I just asked the guitarist when we were jamming next and he said he was too busy with school, so it would be next week sometime. And we haven't practiced this week at all either.
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