|11-14-2012, 12:57 AM||#1|
Join Date: Mar 2006
i told my freshman english teacher my grandma died
to get out of two weeks of high school
and play guild wars 2,
iím one of those kids who rides skateboards
with my older brothers and we donít use bandaids,
i wrote penises in your math textbook when you used the pencil sharpener
and filled your car with packing peanuts after taping a trout under your dash,
i took a vintage van around the country and chronicled the trip with instagram,
i tell you that i knew animal collective before they were big
and smoked up once with the bassist for the shins,
i took your first girlfriendís first kiss and virginity and you have never forgiven me
because i held her in the sunset in the treehouse and snapped her thong so hard it left a birthmark,
i get free crates of pabst from a guy i know,
i get sold fresh bud from a dispensary in Astoria,
i go tubing on sundays with friends iíve known since i was five
and i host an annual bonfire every summer at a cabin on mt. hood
at your funeral
i cried the hardest
because the slug in your brain was meant for mine
and the shine in your heart should have devoured the world when you died
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Last edited by #1 synth : 11-14-2012 at 12:59 AM.
|11-14-2012, 09:45 AM||#2|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Asymmetric Tensored Hilbert Space
If you had only written the second stanza... this would be 20x better. The first part was so: a) back and forth between prank ideas and b) over the top, that I just couldn't find any connection to it.
That second stanza though. That's something special.
|11-14-2012, 04:25 PM||#4|
Join Date: Sep 2006
GOODBYE BLUE MONDAY
e-married to alaskan_ninja
|11-17-2012, 12:18 PM||#7|
this too shall pass
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Des Moines
Dylan, I'm with Zanas. I didn't like the first stanza. It read like a rushed ots. But the second stanza was so brilliant and powerful.