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Old 11-15-2012, 11:47 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Michigan
Smile My first thing that makes sense to me

We've been rid
of innocence, for days
I don't understand

Just shut your eyes
And let it fly
Up in the air
some more

Nothing again
A crash land, in another way
It's almost everywhere
Inside my head

I listen to it,
But it's all that I've got
There's something more in me
But you have forgot

I don't know. I wrote it for a lot of reasons right now. It's my first semi complete work in terms of words...everything else has been stanzas. I just wanted to post it online before the buzz is gone.

Let me know what you think.

Green_Ghoul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2012, 03:42 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2012
So wondful post for us,look forward you writing again.great, agree with your idea!
lillianyang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 02:28 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Michigan
Thanks, I appreciate it. Does anyone have any criticism/things I can work on?? I know it's not that great, but it's a start, I guess.
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Old 11-20-2012, 06:58 PM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2012
I Like it.
With the entire stanza thing, its good to stick with what you know and try to expand and experiment. just remember, you dont have to show it to anyone if you dont want to, so it doesnt have to be brilliant. ^^ hope that helps, it sure as hell helped me

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