Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 11-26-2012, 01:53 PM   #1
The Hurt Within
Preserving the name...
 
The Hurt Within's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Stoking your fire...
Grand Mother Nature

Hi. It's been a while. I might be fleeting, I might be nesting, who knows...


Grand Mother Nature

If ever an air of disappointment was
more apparent, it was when I visited
my grandmother, the resentment at
lost conversations and unvented symptoms
of loneliness stuck to lips like thirst,
not even weak cups of tea could shift.
Her parched tongue would fire off quick -
lipped quips to dampen the tone before
my thoughts could drift onto matters
less trivial, more personal.

"The trees were green last time you came".
At 91, I can't see that seasons seem temporal,
but the leaves invading her patio bring
veiled blame, and the weathering to our
foundations is too severe that synthesis
is beyond me and grandmothers' nature,
for stubbornness is hereditary, and it's clear
she's not yet dropping anchor into the soil
to secure her last few years on these barren
plains, "There's work to be done", she spat,
while handing me a broom, my arid mouth
refrains from asking for a bag or two, so
back into the womb these lost conversations
go, I sweep in vain, with the hope of
clearing a path, one her and I can take
through this wasteland of resentment;
I guess I think she'll always be there,
to stand and make tea, while knowing
what I meant when I said, "time can age, but
we will never ever change."

Her scolding stare leaves me to spot a
single lonely leaf laying in the corner,
maybe the final conversation we'll ever have,
and momentarily I forget how harsh a mistress
Grand Mother Nature can be..
__________________
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
The Hurt Within is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 02:57 PM   #2
#1 synth
Weeow!
 
#1 synth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
holy shit a ghost
__________________
Fan of Spoken Word and Pornography?
Then LIKE my Facebook Page!
https://www.facebook.com/DylanDDebelis
#1 synth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 03:13 PM   #3
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
seventh_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Steve ! I hope I get to this by the end of the week. Hope all's good and stuff
seventh_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 07:03 PM   #4
ali.guitarkid7
A techno beat
 
ali.guitarkid7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Lacrimosa soos a mal naaier
Oh wow, it's the man with the rules and advice. Pleasure to read you, sir.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by sickman411
We're all the best except for Ali.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deadsmileyface
yeah russia is pretty shit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronicuh
This is extremely serious.
ali.guitarkid7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 07:21 PM   #5
#1 synth
Weeow!
 
#1 synth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
__________________
Fan of Spoken Word and Pornography?
Then LIKE my Facebook Page!
https://www.facebook.com/DylanDDebelis
#1 synth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 08:03 PM   #6
The Hurt Within
Preserving the name...
 
The Hurt Within's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Stoking your fire...
Oh dear lord I'm crying with laughter again.

Still is the best thing ever....
__________________
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
The Hurt Within is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2012, 09:39 PM   #7
Something_Vague
Blanched in White Oars
 
Something_Vague's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Columbus, Ohio
wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. i will read this tomorrow.

ps: can we get, corey, landon, blake, mikey, menry, mike, until, and everyone else in this thread plz?
__________________


and brother you're a hunter and you're right at home

APEYARD HOLLER

Last edited by Something_Vague : 11-26-2012 at 09:40 PM.
Something_Vague is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2012, 02:55 PM   #8
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
 
jiminizzle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Coming Down, Cleveland Avenue
if corey came back i might shit another brick.

can't wait to read this. gotta get the autumn contest polls finished though. it's getting too cold for that shit.

Until then, hello Steve, good to see you, and hope you're life is wunderbar.
__________________
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me

Last edited by jiminizzle : 11-27-2012 at 02:59 PM.
jiminizzle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2012, 10:33 PM   #9
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
seventh_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
This was pretty, but I have the feeling this could work better in prose. Your line breaks seem to be calculated structure wise, instead of setting a flow; also, it doesn't sound very poetic. It sounds more like a narration. Reading it twice made the wonderful imagery and detail more vivid, and the whole mood of the piece more settled. It was a great read and it's awesome that you came back.
seventh_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2012, 05:04 AM   #10
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
 
culex-knight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
Holy shit I didn't need a thesaurus to get through this. Stay awhile.
__________________
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching
culex-knight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2012, 08:02 AM   #11
The Hurt Within
Preserving the name...
 
The Hurt Within's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Stoking your fire...
Hehe thanks all. Yeah this is more prosey than most, I might toy with the structure a bit, since there's a hell of a lot of internal rhyme going on here, I could make that more apparent. I've also been toying with the idea of changing the anchor line to use roots as the anchor instead, it would probably fit with the theme a bit better, opinions?

Thanks again all.

peACE
__________________
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
The Hurt Within is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2012, 01:23 PM   #12
JimiJamesThe2nd
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
This was excellent. I'll say more after class, if I can think of more to say.
JimiJamesThe2nd is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:50 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.