Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 12-12-2012, 11:13 AM   #1
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
seventh_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
As If It Wasnít Enough That I Never Saw Snow

This winter, trees
donít wear leaves of tiny lights
and the nights miss the brightness of avenues.
We look up to the skies
and stars donít shoot themselves
up like a cascade of comets.
The only spirit we have left is
awakened by the memories of former years
when we replaced price tags and the future
for smiles. We stare blankly
at the Christmas tree on my bedroom
and draw a fireplace where we wish
to burn everything that reminds us
that the present is naked
and the only star we pray to follow
doesnít leave the house, hanging
on top of trees that donít breathe.
seventh_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-13-2012, 04:49 AM   #2
smartalecG94
UG's Resident MoonMoon
 
smartalecG94's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Chasing a stick
This kind of captures exactly what last Christmas felt like for me. Everything you write seems to strike a chord in me somewhere, and I think that's why your work resonates with me so much and so often. Keep it up, Andre.

P.S. It would be massively appreciated if you could crit My Way Out. It's my personal favorite of my writings, and I've been aching to see what others think
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by captainsnazz
That's some nice hair you've got there.


I'm watching you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BottleOfSmoke
If I was a rich man in 17th century Britain, I'd totally adopt Alec and make him my heir.
smartalecG94 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-13-2012, 01:22 PM   #3
#1 synth
Weeow!
 
#1 synth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
would love to see a little better attention to syllable count and "when we replaced price tags and the future for smiles" fell really flat for me but overall really solid piece. my kind of poetry. the lonely kind.
#1 synth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 11:33 AM   #4
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
seventh_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Thank you both guys. I'll get to yours in a bit !
seventh_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:14 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.