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Old 11-23-2012, 05:30 PM   #1
mr.retard
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untitled

i wrote this song when i was 18 or 19 and never asked a girl out because i was always afraid. it's just two verses with the same bass line over and over (i write my songs on bass).

there she is standing all alone
this is his chance to talk to her
he doesn't even know what to say
but he goes over anyways
nervous as can be he starts the conversation
with a little bit of small talk
half way through he decides to wait
and ask her out on a different day

she goes to the party
knowing for a fact that he'll be there
she decides to stand by herself
knowing that he will see her then
shortly after he approaches her
and a conversation begins
rapidly her hopes start to rise
but the conversation ends
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:47 PM   #2
Arthur Curry
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initiating conversation is half the battle!
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Old 11-27-2012, 06:57 PM   #3
mr.retard
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arthur Curry
initiating conversation is half the battle!



i thought about that a year after i wrote it.

as of right now it is so true for me
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:32 PM   #4
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one day we all learn that everything dies tomorrow so we should probably ask her out today.

glad i could help.

*pats self on back*
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:53 PM   #5
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^ Memento Mori, I suppose? We could start tattooing it on new born children.


As for the piece, this probably worked so well for me because there are zero descriptions. No metaphors, similies, no poetic devices of any sorts, and whether that was on purpose or not doesn't matter, it worked for me - mostly because you described the music as only bass thus far. I don't know why, but the more minimalist the music, the more I prefer simple lyrics. Honestly it's not the greatest piece on its own, and you should still strive higher than this, but for now I feel that it just might work.
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:17 PM   #6
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i'm all about tattooing messages of mortality on newborn children. helps 'em stay humble.
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:31 PM   #7
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Yeah, and it could even be sponsored by the skin cancer foundation.


"Memento Mori, but always wear sunscreen"
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Old 12-26-2012, 11:08 PM   #8
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yeah, this was great. more people should read.







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Old 01-04-2013, 07:31 PM   #9
mr.retard
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sorry to bump this and i didn't respond sooner (i'm kind of without internet) but i was wondering if it's clear that the it's the same situation just the first verse from the guys perspective and and the second from the girls perspective.
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