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Old 12-17-2012, 03:27 PM   #1
themarsvolta
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Illinois
Paralysis

crit4crit
PARALYSIS

In a maze of flowery proses
You stop and smell the roses until
Their scent covers up the scench
Of Atlas's funeral pyre.
And after his cremation
Will you keep the globe in rotation
Or go back to the time when
The Earth was flat and jump off the edge?

Can't be straight forward anymore
Have to backtrack everything we say
'Cause it's hard to understand the language
Of facial expressions with no face

Confused by your own cleverness
Trapped in your self made labyrinth
So long you become the minotaur
Half-man half-bull, the kind that you spew;
As you spit upon the graves
Rejoicing the old ways are dead
No more substance abuse because
There's no more substance left in you.

Can't be straight forward anymore
Have to backtrack everything we say
'Cause it's hard to understand the language
Of facial expressions with no face

And upon the barbed wire hedges
Which wall this maze from Hades,
Those brave fools that tried to escape
Their efforts hang like blood red berries,
To feed the notion "there's no way out"
And satisfy your crippling doubts.

Can't be straight forward anymore
Have to backtrack everything we say
'Cause it's hard to understand the language
Of facial expressions with no face
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Old 12-17-2012, 04:50 PM   #2
crazysam23_Atax
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Cal-eye-forn-ia
Very well done. I especially like the refrain.

Quote:
Originally Posted by themarsvolta
Can't be straight forward anymore
Have to backtrack everything we say
'Cause it's hard to understand the language
Of facial expressions with no face


The only thing is, I would try to rhyme, "out" with "doubts", like so:
Quote:
Originally Posted by themarsvolta
To feed the notion "there's no way out"
And satisfy your crippling doubts

Rhyming a non-plural word with a plural word doesn't really work. It would still work to say "And satisfy your crippling doubt" (doubt as a non-plural) though.

C4c? Here's mine:
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1578317
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