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Old 09-29-2013, 01:31 AM   #1
mardisaaron
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New Blood Grinder Tune C4C GP5

This is my band's newest song I've been working on. It's been going great except for I can't figure out how to go further without cycling through the same riffs and making it drab... so any help is appreciated or just comments in general.
Also I don't usually write drums so I just put something in there to give it some substance behind the guitar and bass.
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File Type: gp5 New Blood Grinder Song.gp5 (27.3 KB, 133 views)
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:03 AM   #2
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There is no snare.

O.o
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Old 09-29-2013, 06:23 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by EpiExplorer
There is no snare.

O.o


Times are tough.

The track: not great. "open string chug, note, open string chug, note".
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Old 09-29-2013, 09:33 AM   #4
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I've got to be honest, it's a pretty bad song. The intro is, frankly, terrible, in this day and age where professional bands often play to metronomes live, using long rests to show off how tight the band is only really works when the band is playing across several time signatures and varying rhythms. I'd recommend varying rhythms, or playing with a metronome live so you could put some pizzicato strings in the rests, or something, otherwise it will be incredibly boring. If you absolutely must keep it, I'd recommend shortening it down to two bars, so that it's not boring, or developing the drums, or varying the harmony. The chorus is alright, nothing special, but it'd do the job, the only issue is that it's a heavy riff, but due to the fact that the song has no contrast, no tension and release, it just feels flat and dull, not only that, it's identical to everything else in the song, just open string chugs with notes in the last two beats. Give the song some variety by switching between triplets and straight notes, chug on some other notes, change rhythms, maybe give the bass something interesting to do, so it breaks out a little.

The breakdown was not needed because the entire song is a breakdown, to put it bluntly. My main complaint about the song is that I wouldn't know which part was which without your markers, there needs to be more dynamics, more variations of rhythms and notes. The main reason why Metalcore is such a popular genre is because there's always a contrast, people go mad when the chorus comes in, as the clean vocals will provide a contrast to the dark, screamed vocals, and while I realise that you're writing Brutal Death, which is nowhere near Metalcore, the same rules of basic songwriting apply. I want to be taken by surprise by a blast beat, or hear a section of the song which just takes me by surprise, I want that breakdown to pin me to my seat, and because there's no tension for the breakdown to release, I'm just not bothered about it. The slam needs to come after a faster paced section, as the name goes, it's a slam, and to me, it just feels like the song is slowly winding down, rather than blasting me with a sudden dirge, as a fan of Funeral Doom, I was pretty disappointed by that.

I'd recommend going back, placing the snares in, to see what difference it makes, and really analysing the song, what sections go on for too long, how you can develop ideas, use different rhythms and notes, instead of going back to that open C all the time, and I will say, you may find that you'll want to move onto a different song, which is fine. If it was my song, I would probably put it to rest, and use a riff or two elsewhere if I really liked it, if things are sounded recycled and it's not even a minute long, perhaps the song wasn't meant to be. However, prove me wrong, take on peoples' advice and make a great piece of music, I'd be interested to hear what people more experienced in this genre can do with it.
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Old 09-29-2013, 10:57 AM   #5
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Since everyone else seems to hate this song, I'm going to try to play the devil's advocate.

I'm not really sure how you'd go about "grinding blood", but it sounds br00tz! Oh hey, there's a section labeled "SLAM", I'm in love already.

First off, yeah, there's no snare. If you're that tight for money, you can just rent one for this tab (virtual snare hits are cheap!), but in any case, this needs snare so we can tell what the time feel is. The snare hit is what drives the beat in rock. There's not really an easy way to tell how fast the song is going otherwise.

...yeah, I guess I don't really have anything good to say about this.

I can see you're trying to mix it up by changing every fourth bar slightly, but that's not enough. When damn near every measure is two beats of open-string chug, followed by two beats of two or three different types of short spurts of riffing, you're not writing music. Deathcore bands have a lot more variety in their breakdown rhythms, which is how people can stand listening to nothing but breakdowns for a whole album and not get bored (that and structural variation).

If you're dead set on keeping this, what you have is one riff worth of ideas, at most, and only if you add a lot more variation. But you don't have to use every idea you come up with. "Murdering your darlings" is an important skill to learn if you write anything.

And don't be lazy. Copying the rhythm guitar part and changing the patch doesn't make it a bassline. You're not even tuning it down an octave.
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Old 09-29-2013, 02:11 PM   #6
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Incredibly tame and as brutal as a flower pot. I won't even go into more detail because fuck it.
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Old 09-29-2013, 02:47 PM   #7
From Your Grave
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fixed
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File Type: gp5 New Blood Grinder Song fixed.gp5 (70.5 KB, 46 views)
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:16 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 21Fretter
Times are tough.


I loled hard
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:22 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by From Your Grave
fixed

This version is best version
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:07 AM   #10
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Well, first off I'd like to thank you all for your feedback. Although, it's all very discouraging. I'm interested to see what you all think of our finished songs, and would like to get some feedback so I will post them in the forum in the near future.

I suppose this song needs a lot of work. Please keep in mind as I stated earlier, I do not write drums. I am still practicing writing drums, I just added what I could muster so the song would have some substance in Guitar Pro.

I actually didn't write the main riff. Our drummer was the one who actually came up with the main melody, and I messed around with it and this is what I came up with. I guess I'll try adding in some different rhythms, and change it up a bit.

And I found the fixed version quite funny actually haha. If anyone feels like taking an actual crack at, by all means go for it. I'd be intereseted in hearing the different ideas you all have.

Again, thank you for your feedback.
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Old 09-30-2013, 03:45 AM   #11
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I'll try to fit something to your song but later, now I'll go to sleep.
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Old 09-30-2013, 05:12 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by From Your Grave
fixed


: DDDDD

Last edited by tac_sundome : 09-30-2013 at 05:14 AM.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:23 PM   #13
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Also, what was the problem with the rhythm guitar?
Let's pretend the main riff that the entire song is based around, and it's awesome...would the second guitar parts be ok then?

There really wasn't a whole lot I could do to the main riff on a second guitar.

The more I read your guy's replies, I'm led to believe that the song sucks because my drum stem sucks. I don't write drum parts. I'm aware it's not very good. But if the guitar and bass was left as is, and the drum parts were in here the way my drummer actually plays, and tension was held and released and there were actual drum transitions, I feel like you guys wouldn't have hated it so much.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:23 PM   #14
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Tell me your influences and I might be able to help you a bit too
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Old 09-30-2013, 01:06 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ometh
Tell me your influences and I might be able to help you a bit too


Influences for this song, or as a band in general?
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Old 09-30-2013, 01:21 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by mardisaaron
Influences for this song, or as a band in general?

Both.
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Old 09-30-2013, 01:26 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mardisaaron
Also, what was the problem with the rhythm guitar?
Let's pretend the main riff that the entire song is based around, and it's awesome...would the second guitar parts be ok then?

There really wasn't a whole lot I could do to the main riff on a second guitar.

The more I read your guy's replies, I'm led to believe that the song sucks because my drum stem sucks. I don't write drum parts. I'm aware it's not very good. But if the guitar and bass was left as is, and the drum parts were in here the way my drummer actually plays, and tension was held and released and there were actual drum transitions, I feel like you guys wouldn't have hated it so much.

I'm not sure there's much you can do with this at all. The core of the problem is that there's one riff, and it's bad. Hiring Kevin Talley for drums wouldn't change that. You've got to learn to murder your darlings.
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Old 09-30-2013, 01:26 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Ometh
Both.



Well, I'd say The Black Dahlia Murder is large influence in both. Other than that anything that is strongly melodic deathmetal.
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Old 09-30-2013, 01:36 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mardisaaron
Well, I'd say The Black Dahlia Murder is large influence in both. Other than that anything that is strongly melodic deathmetal.

Just saying: this does not sound anything like TBDM. At all. I'll explain why in detail once this class is over.
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Old 09-30-2013, 01:36 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by mardisaaron
Well, I'd say The Black Dahlia Murder is large influence in both. Other than that anything that is strongly melodic deathmetal.

You're doing it wrong then. This sounds more similar to Slam Death/Deathcore than anything else, and a bad band at that. You need to be more upbeat and use more melodies. Black Dahlia are heavily influenced by Gothenburg Melodeath, specially At The Gates' Slaughter Of The Soul, so expect to use alot of harmonic minor riffs and pedal riffs.
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