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Old 12-22-2012, 04:58 AM   #1
Kozlic
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Fighting depression...

Hi Pit.

I know, I know I'm dumb for posting on here but meh...it's the only place I can ask pretty much maybe some of you have experience since there's a depressed side in every songwriter.

So Yeah this is not about me. I'm depressed a little as well but I'm seeing a psychologist so it's fine.

It's about my girlfriend.
She was the definition of a ''good girl'' since 2 years ago. Then she turned really weird for no apparent reason. She just didn't wanna feel anything so she smoked about 18 joints a day and drank till she passed out all the time...keep in mind she's only 16 atm.

So last night she finally told me (and I'm the only one she's ever told) what it is all about. Where does this pain come from. Her parents separated 2 years ago when she was 13-14 (which is probably one of the worst times in our lives where out whole world is changing) but they still live together as a family and sleep in the same bed. Weird, eh?

She found out through her grandmother (she accidentally told her) and then their parents confessed. But the thing is, she never talked about it to anyone and she's been really ****ed up since then. Her parents are really nice and caring but I think they're just afraid to see it. And her younger brother (he's 12), doesn't know about it and even her best friend doesn't know and basically nobody knows outside their family and most of them think that she doesn't know.

Since I practically have the perfect parents, it's kinda hard for me to help her. I do understand her cause it really hurt when my parents were fighting a lot but I just can't imagine how she must feel.
So I'm asking you the Pit....how can I help her? Is there anything I can do? does somebody out there have any experience with these things, what did you do to feel better...

tl;dr:

My girlfriend's parents separated 2 years ago, still live together and nobody knows about it (not even her brother) except her and her mother's parents (which told my GF accidentally). She's in a lot of pain because of it, doesn't want anybody to know, I'm the first one she told. She's really depressed and suicidal but does a good job hiding it.

What can I do to help? Do you have any experience? What helped you?

Thanks guys. Any kind of help means a lot.
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Last edited by Kozlic : 12-22-2012 at 05:00 AM.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:03 AM   #2
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Medical professional. In the Pit, you'll just get idiotic answers regarding rape and memes.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:04 AM   #3
tortilla
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She needs to see a
Psychiatrist. She
will probably have to
be put on an anti-
depressant. If she has
made a suicide attempt,
she will be admitted to
a psychiatric hospital.
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Last edited by tortilla : 12-22-2012 at 05:07 AM.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:05 AM   #4
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You're in a tough spot, but first off, you're a good person for trying what you're trying to do. It's a tough situation that you can't really help directly, but you can be as supportive as possible with her. Depending on what kind of person she is (you'd probably know) you'd have to approach this as delicately as necessary, but the first thing you should probably do is make sure she knows that you're there for her, and may want to voice your concern about drug/alcohol use. Just don't be pushy or anything like that. It's probably best that she talk to a therapist or someone like that to really help her situation out though.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:07 AM   #5
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~kiss the bottle~
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:11 AM   #6
Kozlic
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The thing is...she stopped doing all that because I told her that I'd leave her if she did that cause I don't wanna be with somebody that doesn't know where they are or what they're doing.
That was before I knew anything...I thought she's just being a teenager and puberty hit her a bit too hard.
She cried for 3.5 hours yesterday. She never cries when anyone's around.
I'm pretty much the only one she trusts beside her BF (but she didn't tell her so idk they're all a bit weird).
And you know...with bad memories come bad friends.
Thanks for not making jokes guys. I will try and get her to see a therapist but it's kinda hard to do so without her parents knowing since she's underage.
And I haven't met their parents yet so yeah...but I'm planning on talking to them but on the other hand...she'd hate me for it. I think she has to tell them...she said that maybe she'll tell her mom idk...
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:21 AM   #7
due 07
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kozlic
She cried for 3.5 hours yesterday. She never cries when anyone's around.
I'm pretty much the only one she trusts beside her BF (but she didn't tell her so idk they're all a bit weird).

i thought you were her bf?!
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:22 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by due 07
i thought you were her bf?!

Maybe he means best friend.


What we have here is... a failure to communicate.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:23 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tortilla
She needs to see a
Psychiatrist. She
will probably have to
be put on an anti-
depressant. If she has
made a suicide attempt,
she will be admitted to
a psychiatric hospital.

this is
concise and
accurate
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:23 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by due 07
i thought you were her bf?!


idk...my bff jill?
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:26 AM   #11
Kozlic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eGraham
Maybe he means best friend.


What we have here is... a failure to communicate.


yeah sorry my bad.
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You Sir, have the best signature like ever!
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:28 AM   #12
due 07
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Originally Posted by blake1221



also is that the cutest album art ever y/n
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:37 AM   #13
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yyyyyyy
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:49 AM   #14
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She is better off seeking professional help from a psychiatrist. It's the best thing to do for her. Most likely, they will put her on Prozac, an anti-depressant tablet. Just stick by her and make her as happy as possible for the time being while you sort one out, if you choose to.

Good luck dude!
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:59 AM   #15
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Anti-depressants are so shitty. But maybe they would work for her. Worth a try.
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:01 AM   #16
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Hey there, man.

My cousin grew up hating her parents. Ever since she was 7, they'd separated the house into two-with the upper phase and lower phase split between them. So, one week she'd be living with her mum, and the next week, with her dad, in the same damn house. No family dinners, no celebrations, no relief from the coldness of home.

As one would imagine, my cousin was a depressed girl and she started snorting coke with some of her buddies to get away, to cope, I presume. I won't go into the details of her depression or her dependency, but I will tell you this: today, she seems genuinely happy, content.

Now, seeing a therapist is important, let me make that clear. But she has to be certain that she trusts the psychiatrist. Considering her age and particular circumstances, you might as well ask around your circles of friends and family to find someone suitable. Remember, a random shrink can and will do more harm than good.

Next, always remember that its an internal struggle that she has to come to terms with. Smoking weed may be putting her in a comfortable place, but it really is, in my opinion, being used as a substitute for moments of calm that need to be earned, not induced.

So, whenever she seems willing and able, encourage her to set out on a trip, backpack, watch a beautiful sunset, pick up an instrument, have an adventure, talk to people she's never talked to before, write, sing, or do anything, anything that would involve her tuning in without dropping out. Every angst and sorrow has the potential to be wrought into a talent or a hobby, or as cliched as it sounds 'another reason to live happy'.

I guess this is the first part of my advice, if this thread is still open, I'll talk to my cuz and I'll give you more advice, if you want.

See you then. And remember, do not neglect your own sense of happiness and well being. Of course, you aren't some sort of life-raft floating purely to make her happier, but if you are strong, you may inspire.
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:09 AM   #17
Kozlic
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Thanks man. Thanks soooo much.
I've been through a lot myself, struggling because of my medical problems that will never go away and you know the ordinary stuff so I'm mostly trying to show her that I understand her and that she's not alone like she's been for the past 2 years when she needed someone the most...and then she got a boyfriend who ''loved her'' and then cheated on her after 2 months and they dated for another 2 months, him still cheating on her every chance he had. So he basically had 2 girlfriends...and that finally destroyed her...
So yeah I can't imagine how much she's been through.
And then she met me and after 2 months of flirting I decided it was best for me if I let her go and yeah then she started doing more drugs, drank more and slept with some random guy etc...then we started dating idk even why. Weird story.

Thank you for your help so much guys. I really appreciate it in these dark hours. You gave me hope and courage to try and help her. THank you again.
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You Sir, have the best signature like ever!
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:24 AM   #18
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:28 AM   #19
shattamakar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kozlic
Thanks man. Thanks soooo much.


No problem, bro. I'm adding you, PM me if you want. Manic depressive and I know that feel, so you're not alone.

Booty.
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:58 AM   #20
SlackerBabbath
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kozlic
Hi Pit.

I know, I know I'm dumb for posting on here but meh...it's the only place I can ask pretty much maybe some of you have experience since there's a depressed side in every songwriter.

So Yeah this is not about me. I'm depressed a little as well but I'm seeing a psychologist so it's fine.

It's about my girlfriend.
She was the definition of a ''good girl'' since 2 years ago. Then she turned really weird for no apparent reason. She just didn't wanna feel anything so she smoked about 18 joints a day and drank till she passed out all the time...keep in mind she's only 16 atm.

So last night she finally told me (and I'm the only one she's ever told) what it is all about. Where does this pain come from. Her parents separated 2 years ago when she was 13-14 (which is probably one of the worst times in our lives where out whole world is changing) but they still live together as a family and sleep in the same bed. Weird, eh?

She found out through her grandmother (she accidentally told her) and then their parents confessed. But the thing is, she never talked about it to anyone and she's been really ****ed up since then. Her parents are really nice and caring but I think they're just afraid to see it. And her younger brother (he's 12), doesn't know about it and even her best friend doesn't know and basically nobody knows outside their family and most of them think that she doesn't know.

Since I practically have the perfect parents, it's kinda hard for me to help her. I do understand her cause it really hurt when my parents were fighting a lot but I just can't imagine how she must feel.
So I'm asking you the Pit....how can I help her? Is there anything I can do? does somebody out there have any experience with these things, what did you do to feel better...

tl;dr:

My girlfriend's parents separated 2 years ago, still live together and nobody knows about it (not even her brother) except her and her mother's parents (which told my GF accidentally). She's in a lot of pain because of it, doesn't want anybody to know, I'm the first one she told. She's really depressed and suicidal but does a good job hiding it.

What can I do to help? Do you have any experience? What helped you?

Thanks guys. Any kind of help means a lot.


I think what you need to do is try and make her see that her parents lifestyle choice is really no reason for her to be depressed and suicidal. They made that choice, they obviously must be happy with that choice or they wouldn't still be living together. If they aren't depressed about it, why should anyone else be depressed about it? Your gf wouldn't be feeling depressed and suicidal if any other couple she knew decided to split up but still act as house-mates, so why should she feel that way about her parents doing this?

Try and make her see that the alternative to this obviously amicable agreement between her parents is an unamicable agreement, which would include a lot of confrontational behaviour that would really be upsetting for all involved.
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