AWACS

Skill > gender

Tell EVERYONE in the band not to sleep with other band-mates and things should be peachy. If two of them do end up in a relationship, they should put the band first.

The Mermaid Theory ( http://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...ermaid%20theory ) also applies.

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Caution:
This post contains my personal opinion and/or inaccurate information.

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Haydenr25

The bassist in my band is a very attractive female to myself and the guitarist/singer. By laying down rules of not sleeping with her you're just making it more likely to happen. Treat her as a musician, a bandmate, a human being. Problems only arise if you make them. If you were to bring up that you nobody should be sleeping with each other within the band, you're making a point of it happening.

voodooenglish

First thing i say when i start a band or get a new member where one of the members is female is my golden rule and my only rule in band.

The rule is to not form a sexual relationship of any matter whether it be emotionally or physically.

It can only cause problems. of course some people in the band might fancy her or she might fancy someone in the band to which that point if i realise i tell them to move on or get out if they want a relationship.

so its up to them do they value the music and the band or do they want to have a relationship with the woman and if they choose the woman over the music then their clearly not cut out to be in a serious band

Thats how i handle the situation and its worked very well so far because any respectable musician would choose the music.

D..W..

It just boils down to knowing your band. Do you know the guys? It should be fine, especially if you do, but the big thing is respect and maturity (for the GF too. Having a chick in a band is like having business partner that's a woman, although a little bit more personal. If it's what you really want, she needs to respect it. Or you can bend over backwards and change all your plans for her when she gets jealous, BUT that's up to you and I'm sure you'll work it out in time, however it goes down). Guys will be guys, but for the most part it's not wrong to assume some basic decency. If they sleep with her there's not much you can do, that could happen pretty much with any band. But the main problem would just be respect. If they act like they want to bang her all the time, that's not going to go well. And if they're new members like she is, you don't have to keep jamming with whichever particular person.

Xmaniac

hey man im in a band with two of them (one is a guitarist the other is the drummer) and i have to say we just get along just fine (no sex and stuff like that) we got together just beacause we wanted to make music that"s all

OSORLeads

Seems to work well for All That Remains...

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axemanchris

Let's look at it this way:

People are in bands either for social reasons (hang out with some buddies and crank out some tunes and grow together as friends... the same way some guys do the Monday Night Football thing), or for professional/musical reasons (get out, make some money, enjoy playing an instrument with people you enjoy playing with, hopefully).

If the band is a social club, then having a woman in the band *might* be a problem. Imagine three guys and a woman getting together for Monday Night Football nights. Lots of socializing, a bit of alcohol, some closely-developed camaraderie, a bit of indiscretion, and who knows what might happen - even if she isn't all that hot.

If the band is there to get work done, then it *shouldn't* be a problem. Imagine three guys and a woman working together in the same accounts department on the same floor of a company, sharing an open office space. Yeah, sure, some people get involved with people they work with, but most don't. Most people can keep it professional. Would your gf be jealous if you worked at that accounts department, and the company hired the woman? She wouldn't really be, "Why are you going to work? Is that woman going to be there? There better not be anything going on between you two!" Would she?

CT

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food1010

This shouldn't be something that needs to be said. If this is something that would be an issue before you lay down that rule, then it's probably still going to be an issue after you lay down that rule.

My suggestion is to only make it an issue if it starts to become an issue (i.e. if bandmates are getting distracted, or if there's tension).

It's been said already, but just treat the band as a professional entity and you won't have any issues.

Wow, I just used the word "issue" way too many times.

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Mister A.J.

Way I see it, the band comes first. Sure, Sammy the Bassist and Sally the Singer can hook up, I'm all for that. However, when it becomes an interference to the band dynamic as a whole (IE: Making out during recording sessions), then they better fix their shit, or they're out.

As a side note; do NOT bring your girlfriend to a writing/recording session, and completely ignore everything going on. A singer I had the displeasure of working with did this, and it bugged the shit out of me. So much so in fact, I left before I could be bothered with kicking him out.

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koslack

Amazing how much misogyny there is in this thread. As if the girl doesn't have enough agency to decide who she's going to sleep with. Obviously it's going to be somebody, right? Lord knows women don't know enough to be professional or anything.
That was sarcasm.

Treat her like any other band member, and she'll be like any other band member. Would you not take a gay player because you'd be worried he was going to **** one of your other band members?
If you answer was "yes," you have problems. If your answer was "gay people scare me," you have even bigger problems. And if you can't imagine a girl not ****ing either you or one of your bandmates, then I suggest intense therapy.

This goes for every person here, not just the guy who posted this thread.
Welcome to the 21st century.

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yanina figueroa

Be real with yourself dude. music is very intimate and youre playing with fire. Im a female musician that is always running into this problem. Yes be professional but be real. Whats more important some hot girl in your band or your girl? why did u hire this girl bass player to begin with?

JustRooster

Can she play/sing? That's all that matters. Just don't screw her and things will be fine.

Bands in my area with a female member almost always seem to have more fans, too.

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kilbie

What makes you think the girl bass player will find any of you to be attractive? Chances are she just wants to play music, not find a new boyfriend.

The dynamic of the band will probably be a little different with a girl in your band, but that might be a good thing musically. Rather than using rehearsal time to hang out with your band buddies, you might all behave more professionally and take the music more seriously, unless the she's a girl that acts like one of the boys, in which case things will be no different. Also, most girls tend to be less egotistical and more willing to negotiate than male band members, so you might find that there are fewer stupid arguments over which song to play.

andersstruve

The smashing Pumpkins had three different female bassists, and well I won't go into what happened in the split, but Billy described D'Arcy as the "moral conscience" of the group. It seems they had the effect of providing a sense of maturity and reality that so many young men (especially in bands) forget.

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manualex

And then she broke up with Iha and when Chamberlain came back clean she was the trainwreck of the band, and kicked out as well.

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kumamilesbear

I was in a band for about 3 years with a girl as our lead singer. Sure she was good looking (can't make a judgement call on 'attractive' or not, I'm gay and just don't care) but she was our singer because she had damn good pipes, not because of her looks. Nobody tried to sleep with her, and we were all really good friends, just making music and having fun. We added a rhythm guitarist who WAS hitting on her, which combined with school work caused her to leave the band, but until then everything was great.
Moral of the story: having a woman as a bandmate doesn't cause any problems by virtue of being a woman. If she's a shitty human being then you do have a problem, but that has no relation to her gender.

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Andalus

Why do people keep bumping this thread? Has it not been established that there is no problem with having a female bandmate?

Let it die.

crice6505

Yup.
Relationship advice.
Bands are professional.

If you are the kinda guy who would have serious troubles not sleeping with all of your attractive coworkers, then greater problems are at hand.

If you're girlfriend would be jealous about you performing with a woman, than you really need to reevaluate that whole situation.

If this bassist really is the shit, can you afford NOT to keep her?

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pushkar000

I was in a band with a female guitar player/vocalist who was a model(yeah, different level here).
The other 3 of us were all guys, and never for a second did anyone have the slightest issue, we didn't just rehearse together, we chilled out and became real tight friends, but it remained that way was because we were initially all in it for the music,and we continued to keep the band first.

Be professional, don't look at females like objects. If your female bassist is bangin' and your drummer is a sleazeball, worrying is fine, its natural that you may be worried about possible tensions. But all you gotta do is just remind everyone to keep their eyes on the prize. ITs not only the mens side too, the lady might not be interested.