Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Musician Talk > Bandleading
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 01-05-2013, 12:47 AM   #21
AWACS
I want all of the things
 
AWACS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: The frozen wasteland that is, central canada.
Skill > gender

Tell EVERYONE in the band not to sleep with other band-mates and things should be peachy. If two of them do end up in a relationship, they should put the band first.

The Mermaid Theory ( http://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...ermaid%20theory ) also applies.
__________________
Caution:
This post may contain my opinion and/or inaccurate information.

Current Rig:
2006 PRS CE-24
Mesa Boogie Mark V
Voltage S212
Strymon Timeline
Dunlop CryBaby
CMATMods Signa Drive
TC Electronic Corona
AWACS is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2013, 09:01 AM   #22
Haydenr25
Registered User
 
Haydenr25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
The bassist in my band is a very attractive female to myself and the guitarist/singer. By laying down rules of not sleeping with her you're just making it more likely to happen. Treat her as a musician, a bandmate, a human being. Problems only arise if you make them. If you were to bring up that you nobody should be sleeping with each other within the band, you're making a point of it happening.
Haydenr25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2013, 08:45 PM   #23
voodooenglish
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
First thing i say when i start a band or get a new member where one of the members is female is my golden rule and my only rule in band.

The rule is to not form a sexual relationship of any matter whether it be emotionally or physically.

It can only cause problems. of course some people in the band might fancy her or she might fancy someone in the band to which that point if i realise i tell them to move on or get out if they want a relationship.

so its up to them do they value the music and the band or do they want to have a relationship with the woman and if they choose the woman over the music then their clearly not cut out to be in a serious band

Thats how i handle the situation and its worked very well so far because any respectable musician would choose the music.
voodooenglish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2013, 02:14 AM   #24
D..W..
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
It just boils down to knowing your band. Do you know the guys? It should be fine, especially if you do, but the big thing is respect and maturity (for the GF too. Having a chick in a band is like having business partner that's a woman, although a little bit more personal. If it's what you really want, she needs to respect it. Or you can bend over backwards and change all your plans for her when she gets jealous, BUT that's up to you and I'm sure you'll work it out in time, however it goes down). Guys will be guys, but for the most part it's not wrong to assume some basic decency. If they sleep with her there's not much you can do, that could happen pretty much with any band. But the main problem would just be respect. If they act like they want to bang her all the time, that's not going to go well. And if they're new members like she is, you don't have to keep jamming with whichever particular person.
D..W.. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2013, 03:11 PM   #25
Xmaniac
Registered User
 
Xmaniac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
hey man im in a band with two of them (one is a guitarist the other is the drummer) and i have to say we just get along just fine (no sex and stuff like that) we got together just beacause we wanted to make music that"s all
Xmaniac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2013, 01:57 PM   #26
OSORLeads
Registered User
 
OSORLeads's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Seems to work well for All That Remains...
__________________
"Betrayal is a bitch, but so is Karma, and your time is coming."
OSORLeads is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2013, 08:15 PM   #27
axemanchris
Awwww.... NOW what?!
 
axemanchris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Let's look at it this way:

People are in bands either for social reasons (hang out with some buddies and crank out some tunes and grow together as friends... the same way some guys do the Monday Night Football thing), or for professional/musical reasons (get out, make some money, enjoy playing an instrument with people you enjoy playing with, hopefully).

If the band is a social club, then having a woman in the band *might* be a problem. Imagine three guys and a woman getting together for Monday Night Football nights. Lots of socializing, a bit of alcohol, some closely-developed camaraderie, a bit of indiscretion, and who knows what might happen - even if she isn't all that hot.

If the band is there to get work done, then it *shouldn't* be a problem. Imagine three guys and a woman working together in the same accounts department on the same floor of a company, sharing an open office space. Yeah, sure, some people get involved with people they work with, but most don't. Most people can keep it professional. Would your gf be jealous if you worked at that accounts department, and the company hired the woman? She wouldn't really be, "Why are you going to work? Is that woman going to be there? There better not be anything going on between you two!" Would she?

CT
__________________
Could I get some more talent in the monitors, please?

I know it sounds crazy, but try to learn to inhale your voice. www.thebelcantotechnique.com

Quote:
Originally Posted by firehawk
Chris is the king of relating music things to other objects in real life.
axemanchris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2013, 11:25 PM   #28
food1010
Bassist
 
food1010's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by AWACS
Tell EVERYONE in the band not to sleep with other band-mates and things should be peachy.
This shouldn't be something that needs to be said. If this is something that would be an issue before you lay down that rule, then it's probably still going to be an issue after you lay down that rule.

My suggestion is to only make it an issue if it starts to become an issue (i.e. if bandmates are getting distracted, or if there's tension).

It's been said already, but just treat the band as a professional entity and you won't have any issues.

Wow, I just used the word "issue" way too many times.
__________________
Only play what you hear. If you don’t hear anything, don’t play anything.
-Chick Corea

Last edited by food1010 : 02-18-2013 at 11:28 PM.
food1010 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2013, 12:05 AM   #29
Mister A.J.
Ker-Blang-a-Woggle
 
Mister A.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: I can't remember
Way I see it, the band comes first. Sure, Sammy the Bassist and Sally the Singer can hook up, I'm all for that. However, when it becomes an interference to the band dynamic as a whole (IE: Making out during recording sessions), then they better fix their shit, or they're out.

As a side note; do NOT bring your girlfriend to a writing/recording session, and completely ignore everything going on. A singer I had the displeasure of working with did this, and it bugged the shit out of me. So much so in fact, I left before I could be bothered with kicking him out.
__________________
Join the 7 String Legion!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.


Official Approval
show
Mister A.J. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2013, 05:46 PM   #30
koslack
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Amazing how much misogyny there is in this thread. As if the girl doesn't have enough agency to decide who she's going to sleep with. Obviously it's going to be somebody, right? Lord knows women don't know enough to be professional or anything.
That was sarcasm.

Treat her like any other band member, and she'll be like any other band member. Would you not take a gay player because you'd be worried he was going to **** one of your other band members?
If you answer was "yes," you have problems. If your answer was "gay people scare me," you have even bigger problems. And if you can't imagine a girl not ****ing either you or one of your bandmates, then I suggest intense therapy.

This goes for every person here, not just the guy who posted this thread.
Welcome to the 21st century.
koslack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2013, 06:32 PM   #31
yanina figueroa
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Be real with yourself dude. music is very intimate and youre playing with fire. Im a female musician that is always running into this problem. Yes be professional but be real. Whats more important some hot girl in your band or your girl? why did u hire this girl bass player to begin with?
yanina figueroa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 02:46 AM   #32
JustRooster
Organ Donor
 
JustRooster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
Can she play/sing? That's all that matters. Just don't screw her and things will be fine.

Bands in my area with a female member almost always seem to have more fans, too.
__________________

BUCKY
JustRooster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 03:47 AM   #33
kilbie
Super Noob
 
kilbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Australia
What makes you think the girl bass player will find any of you to be attractive? Chances are she just wants to play music, not find a new boyfriend.

The dynamic of the band will probably be a little different with a girl in your band, but that might be a good thing musically. Rather than using rehearsal time to hang out with your band buddies, you might all behave more professionally and take the music more seriously, unless the she's a girl that acts like one of the boys, in which case things will be no different. Also, most girls tend to be less egotistical and more willing to negotiate than male band members, so you might find that there are fewer stupid arguments over which song to play.
kilbie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 09:25 PM   #34
andersstruve
UG 's Degenerate Army
 
andersstruve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sterling, VA
The smashing Pumpkins had three different female bassists, and well I won't go into what happened in the split, but Billy described D'Arcy as the "moral conscience" of the group. It seems they had the effect of providing a sense of maturity and reality that so many young men (especially in bands) forget.
__________________
Fender Highway One Stratocaster
Fender Princeton 650
A Toaster

If you wish to maintain even an ounce of sanity; stay away from the pit. Seriously. There's bronies there.

wow you must be really special
andersstruve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 09:47 PM   #35
manualex
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Quote:
Originally Posted by andersstruve
The smashing Pumpkins had three different female bassists, and well I won't go into what happened in the split, but Billy described D'Arcy as the "moral conscience" of the group. It seems they had the effect of providing a sense of maturity and reality that so many young men (especially in bands) forget.


And then she broke up with Iha and when Chamberlain came back clean she was the trainwreck of the band, and kicked out as well.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingDime666
It's dubstep minor in E.


Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_muse
Every self respecting Muser regards the 2nd Law as their magnum opus.
manualex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2013, 07:59 PM   #36
kumamilesbear
UG's Ninjobo
 
kumamilesbear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
I was in a band for about 3 years with a girl as our lead singer. Sure she was good looking (can't make a judgement call on 'attractive' or not, I'm gay and just don't care) but she was our singer because she had damn good pipes, not because of her looks. Nobody tried to sleep with her, and we were all really good friends, just making music and having fun. We added a rhythm guitarist who WAS hitting on her, which combined with school work caused her to leave the band, but until then everything was great.
Moral of the story: having a woman as a bandmate doesn't cause any problems by virtue of being a woman. If she's a shitty human being then you do have a problem, but that has no relation to her gender.
__________________
Fender 72' Deluxe Tele
Schecter Damian Elite 7
Ibanez EDB 405
Peavey XXX 212

Macbook Pro 15" Retina
Logic Pro X 10.0.7
LePou Amp Sims
LeCab2
RedWirez Impulses

ninjobo of the bass militia
PM Nutter_101 to join
kumamilesbear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2013, 08:26 PM   #37
Andalus
Bànned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: England
Why do people keep bumping this thread? Has it not been established that there is no problem with having a female bandmate?

Let it die.
Andalus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2013, 12:01 AM   #38
crice6505
Cody
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: indiana
Quote:
Originally Posted by bangoodcharlote
I hate this thread.


Yup.
Relationship advice.
Bands are professional.

If you are the kinda guy who would have serious troubles not sleeping with all of your attractive coworkers, then greater problems are at hand.

If you're girlfriend would be jealous about you performing with a woman, than you really need to reevaluate that whole situation.

If this bassist really is the shit, can you afford NOT to keep her?
__________________
- Cody


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninja Vampirate
What a faggot, do a few lines of cocaine and have a shot of whiskey or 5 if you want to study right
crice6505 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2013, 08:42 AM   #39
pushkar000
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
I was in a band with a female guitar player/vocalist who was a model(yeah, different level here).
The other 3 of us were all guys, and never for a second did anyone have the slightest issue, we didn't just rehearse together, we chilled out and became real tight friends, but it remained that way was because we were initially all in it for the music,and we continued to keep the band first.

Be professional, don't look at females like objects. If your female bassist is bangin' and your drummer is a sleazeball, worrying is fine, its natural that you may be worried about possible tensions. But all you gotta do is just remind everyone to keep their eyes on the prize. ITs not only the mens side too, the lady might not be interested.

Last edited by pushkar000 : 04-11-2013 at 08:44 AM.
pushkar000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2013, 11:02 PM   #40
flexiblemile
Registered User
 
flexiblemile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
I think the problem with having a girl in the band is that it makes good business sense to doll her up and parade her in front of the camera. So sex is definitly going to be an issue. After that, if feelings start developping with other band members, there is very little that a strict set of rules can do to change how your cocks/pussy feels.

The best things to do, I think are:

-Doll up your girl member as much as possible
-Do a big effort not to be macho/asshole because of the presence of said girl in jams/practices etc.
-Make a big effort to not let Physical needs/drunkenness get the better of your long term commitments
-Deal with romantic issues in a mature fashion


I've been in a band that was ruined by sexual tension and I'm now in a quasi successful band with my wife. So it can go both ways (yes, like a bisexual)

Proof that sexual tension in a band can still lead to success: NO DOUBT

EDIT: Also post pics of guitarist/model plz!!!!
flexiblemile is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:28 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.