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Old 01-05-2013, 11:16 PM   #1
Relfiroth
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Join Date: Jan 2013
A Lost Embrace - Doom metal

This is my first post here
I'm mainly a pianist with a love for doom metal, and I've been creating songs for a while. Here a post my last song, mainly inspired by bands like My Dying Bride, Candlemass and Desire.
And ofc, I want to do C4C!
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File Type: gp5 doom_alostembrace.gp5 (19.5 KB, 59 views)
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Old 01-06-2013, 04:35 PM   #2
Rossielle
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Join Date: Aug 2010
well,it is not bad. but i think you could use more the strings to create a moddy ambience, and to make the sound more powerful. the choir it is good,and the guitar it is not bad. also the piano chords. maybe some work with the drums and with the strings could help you.

p.s. thanks for your comment. if you want we coul collaborate .
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:38 PM   #3
MobiuZ
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Netherlands
hey man welcome to the forum !

intro
nice chords , could work well with a nice piano sound , though with that said the long whole notes on the guitar make it way to slow and would be alot better with a nice melody instead of whole notes

Riff B
Actually love this part , though repeated to many times makes a slow song feel even slower
id say repeat it once

Riff A
nice addition to what was allready there , and would make a lot more sense again if not repeating it to much cuz it really starts dragging now seeing as you use the same chords and everything.

Interlude
actually expected something faster here after such a long build up , this section would work alot better later in the song as a break imo

Riff B / Riff A
feels very out of place at this point , since your building up again without actually having a sort of climax after the first build up.

Outro
Works good as outro , sounds nice

all in all i think you gotta work on your structure here , for a first song this is actually very good , it really is.

but i think the important thing here is that you miss a chorus of some sorts , would work great after Riff A the first time , and id say follow the trail once you got that

7/10

Can you crit Roma Victor for me its in my sig !
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