01-10-2013, 08:03 PM
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#1 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2011
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Songwriting help please
Hey I'm trying to write a song which i have an instrumental for, but lyrically at the moment it's a bit crap and I can't finish it, I still need a bridge and 2 more lines for the extended chorus, any assistance could be great, especially on improving the current lyrics.
Yellow chinos clinging to his knees Flat cap resting upon his head V necks he's dyed all by himself Does what his friends say, he's easily led Listens to music but hates it all 'casue everyone likes it they must've sold out Dyes his hair thinks he looks cool People all think he's a pretentious fool Strutting around he's an indie kid Normal clothes God forbid Hip and unique he tells himself Yet looks the same as everybody else Mid december and sunglasses on Dark as night but won't take them off Say's it's indie but looks a twat Friends say what they think, yet he just scoughs Lives by his bible the nme If they don't like it, it must be shit Strutting around he's an indie kid Normal clothes God forbid 9 syllables 6 syllables Hip and unique he tells himself Yet looks the same as everybody else 8 syllables 10 syllables BRIDGE (no current structure) Strutting around he's an indie kid Normal clothes God forbid 9 syllables 6 syllables Hip and unique he tells himself Yet looks the same as everybody else 8 syllables 10 syllables |
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01-13-2013, 03:16 PM
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#2 |
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Banned
Join Date: Oct 2012
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[QUOTE=harrisonatsix]I'm not a songwriter so keep that in mind.
What I see a lot in this particular forum is redundancy. The use of the same words in the same verse at least twice or more. Sometimes in the same sentence. Or the same form of the same word twice or more. Try and avoid that whenever possible. I think the larger one's vocabulary the better the lyric writing. Also spell the words you use correctly (Spell check is your friend. ---> 'casue everyone likes it they must've sold out). There is no such word as "must've." Does that matter in a song? Probably not. Yellow chinos clinging to his knees Flat cap resting on his head Dyed v-necks created all by himself Follows his friends so easily led Music he listens yet despises it all Everyone likes it must follow the herd Hair colored blue the mirror says cool They all think he a pretentious young fool Not sure this fits your music but it flows off the lips a little easier to me. However, I'm not privy to your music at this point. Last edited by ConcertShooter : 01-13-2013 at 03:49 PM. |
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