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#1 |
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Blanched in White Oars
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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The Serpent & The Snow
I.) The Books.
The winter of a lonely Columbus, I walk with careful dignity knowing words unravel and the spine of my books will snap under certain pressure. My baleous bones bleached calcium and wrought in milk, my knuckles white with laughter as the skulls of intent are nowhere, fleeting as if snow picked up by the wind. II.) The Painter She sleeps, without a peep of insecurity, waking though her body wades through ancient seas, their gorgeous depth glowing gold Ochre and reaching towards the surface with swallowing passion. Her limbs go numb into drownt light and she is digested into the great Mouth an ugly, writhing Serpent, aqueous and talented. III.) Us, Slowly Colloquial our gestures are lolling in togetherness we bother eachother, like heat on the back of an anxious neck, pining in ululatious velvet, hot from skin. And through forward movements, our fears will melt and we will move frictionless in mutual water, bone dry & warm.
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#2 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2013
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very nice posts,i lreally like this forum very much.
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#3 |
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So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join Date: Aug 2007
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This is amazingly well written. A really good piece Matthew! I just believe the punctuation on part two could use some revision, and the beginning of part III sounds a bit better like this to me:
Colloquial, our gestures are lolling in togetherness. We bother eachother like heat on the back of an anxious neck, or if you phrased it like this: Colloquial, our gestures are lolling. In togetherness, we bother eachother like heat on the back of an anxious neck, but it doesn't sound that well. I can't suggest anything concrete on part two; it just sounds a bit off in some parts. Nonetheless, this was really really good!
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My Pieces Eh-bits Tandem There's Nothing As Silent As A Cry Forn Help Carpe Diem New one: One Step |
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