Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 01-11-2013, 11:56 PM   #21
sashki
Look mum, no brakes!
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: at home
I just don't understand why it would be of any benefit to the child knowing that they're adopted. Even if you convey it in an inoffensive way, it's still going to make them feel like an outsider. If I ever adopted a child (unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) I would treat them as one of my own, without drawing attention to the fact that they weren't our biological child.

Having read the responses, I'm kind of on the fence. I think it's best for them not to know, so they never feel alienated. However, they're gonna find out somehow, so it might be better to break it to them earlier to alleviate the shock, and so they learn to live with it.

I unno. There's a difference between lying and withholding information.
__________________
Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - pm gpderek09 to join

Last edited by sashki : 01-11-2013 at 11:57 PM.
sashki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2013, 11:56 PM   #22
Skynyrd890
Unregistered User
 
Skynyrd890's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
I would think that if you're ever going to tell them, it should be from the start.

If a child knows they have been taken in by a family as their own, they'll grow up feeling like they belong, are loved, and may even feel lucky to have been given a better chance than what they would have had. I really doubt that they would take it negatively, if you don't put it negatively, or like it was a big deal that you're not their biological parent. I think if you tell them when they're 18 or something, you're basically saying "Hey, we've lied to you for 18 years! SURPRISEEEE!!!"
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadnought
Bitch idiot children
Skynyrd890 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2013, 11:59 PM   #23
Doug1145
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Tell them as soon as possible.

In my opinion, it's better to tell them earlier than later.

I couldn't imagine being in my 20's and being told my parents aren't biologically related to me.

I would feel lied to honestly.
Doug1145 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2013, 11:59 PM   #24
rockingamer2
Larmarky Remark
 
rockingamer2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Rainy Northwest
Quote:
Originally Posted by sashki
I just don't understand why it would be of any benefit to the child knowing that they're adopted. Even if you convey it in an inoffensive way, it's still going to make them feel like an outsider. If I ever adopted a child (unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) I would treat them as one of my own, without drawing attention to the fact that they weren't our biological child.

Having read the responses, I'm kind of on the fence. I think it's best for them not to know, so they never feel alienated. However, they're gonna find out somehow, so it might be better to break it to them earlier to alleviate the shock, and so they learn to live with it.

I unno. There's a difference between lying and withholding information.

You're letting your child believe a lie.
__________________
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^

"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity."

MUSIC THEORY LINK

SteamID: CarrionComfort
rockingamer2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2013, 11:59 PM   #25
Gibson_SG_uzr55
DJ SNAAAAKKEEE
 
Gibson_SG_uzr55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Grand Valley State University, Michigan
Quote:
Originally Posted by AeroRocker
Yeah, but can a kid understand that?

I feel like a first or second grader could understand.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote:
Originally Posted by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers
Gibson_SG_uzr55 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:04 AM   #26
palm mute
Reserved User
 
palm mute's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: East Hastings
For those who think wait, imagine your parents tomorrow telling you they aren't your biological parents and that you were adopted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AeroRocker
Yeah, but can a kid understand that?

That part wasn't for kids, it was tied into the point before it about when they get older. The part for kids is where you make sure they understand that you loving them is not dependent on them sharing bits of your DNA. Only probably not worded that way
__________________
In my heart I'm with you

every night

Last edited by palm mute : 01-12-2013 at 12:05 AM.
palm mute is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:04 AM   #27
IMABBALLPLAYER
doesnt really play bball
 
IMABBALLPLAYER's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The United States of Amurikuh!
When you're on your deathbed. In fact I'm going to say that to one of my children when I'm right about to die. And they won't be adopted.
__________________
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
IMABBALLPLAYER is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:06 AM   #28
Gibson_SG_uzr55
DJ SNAAAAKKEEE
 
Gibson_SG_uzr55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Grand Valley State University, Michigan
Quote:
Originally Posted by sashki
I just don't understand why it would be of any benefit to the child knowing that they're adopted. Even if you convey it in an inoffensive way, it's still going to make them feel like an outsider. If I ever adopted a child (unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) I would treat them as one of my own, without drawing attention to the fact that they weren't our biological child.

Having read the responses, I'm kind of on the fence. I think it's best for them not to know, so they never feel alienated. However, they're gonna find out somehow, so it might be better to break it to them earlier to alleviate the shock, and so they learn to live with it.

I unno. There's a difference between lying and withholding information.

I feel like a kid has the right to know the truth about their parents.

There's also a trust factor. If you can reveal such information to a kid at a young age, it makes sense that they would be able to trust you. Likewise, if they find out later or you never tell them directly and they find out otherwise, that could develop a rift.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote:
Originally Posted by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers
Gibson_SG_uzr55 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:12 AM   #29
sashki
Look mum, no brakes!
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: at home
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gibson_SG_uzr55
I feel like a kid has the right to know the truth about their parents.

There's also a trust factor. If you can reveal such information to a kid at a young age, it makes sense that they would be able to trust you. Likewise, if they find out later or you never tell them directly and they find out otherwise, that could develop a rift.

That is true, but I still feel like a kid would have a harder time dealing with it than an adult would. An adult, especially one who lives on their own, can survive the rift, since they're more independent, and potentially have other people they can trust (eg. friends, partners). A kid would have no-one else to turn to. When it turns out that the people you put the most trust in aren't your real parents, that can be a huge blow. Suddenly, you're living in a house with strangers who take care of you for reasons you don't understand. Who would comfort the kid in that situation?
__________________
Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - pm gpderek09 to join
sashki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:12 AM   #30
lolmnt
Earth of the Butt
 
lolmnt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: florida
On your deathbed.
__________________
*-)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
lolmnt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:14 AM   #31
palm mute
Reserved User
 
palm mute's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: East Hastings
What age kid are people talking about here? You don't wait until they are school age, you let them know as soon as they can talk basically.
__________________
In my heart I'm with you

every night
palm mute is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:23 AM   #32
TunerAddict
Real Ass Nigga
 
TunerAddict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bing, bitch
Like usual, Sashki is wrong.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrcsgtpeppers
If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
TunerAddict is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:24 AM   #33
captaincrunk
See, I Got News for You.
 
captaincrunk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Indiana
in the womb
__________________
#15 in the 2012 top 100
#23 in the 2010 top 100

NEW UG ALBUM! GET UG ELECTRONIC ALBUM: DISC THREE TODAY!

Quote:
Originally Posted by element4433
I respect crunk.
captaincrunk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:26 AM   #34
due 07
haaan
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Burgery
raise them in knowledge of it

seriously. it's time we stop stigmatizing adoption ffs.
due 07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:26 AM   #35
Thrashtastic15
CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY
 
Thrashtastic15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: over the line in 04
birth. ill make them work harder to earn my love and adoration compared to my non adopted kids
__________________
████ Barkov Huberdeau Ekblad ████

Florida Panthers 2014-2015
19 - 9 - 3

fuckin willis im gonna run that cunt
Thrashtastic15 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:26 AM   #36
zdh
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
What possible benefit could come from telling someone they're adopted? Unless it becomes medically relevant to reveal that information, keep it to yourself.
zdh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:28 AM   #37
due 07
haaan
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by sashki
"Hey son kid, you're adopted. Your real parents are irresponsible and never loved you. To us, you're a complete stranger who leeches off our time and money. Don't you ever forget that."

and we also have to quit using terms like "real parents" to refer to biological parents. yr real parents are the people who raised you, biological or adoptive.
due 07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:29 AM   #38
lolmnt
Earth of the Butt
 
lolmnt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: florida
Quote:
Originally Posted by zdh
What possible benefit could come from telling someone they're adopted? Unless it becomes medically relevant to reveal that information, keep it to yourself.
Avoiding psychological damage when they ultimately find out?
__________________
*-)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
lolmnt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:29 AM   #39
due 07
haaan
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by zdh
What possible benefit could come from telling someone they're adopted? Unless it becomes medically relevant to reveal that information, keep it to yourself.

if i was adopted i'd quite like to know.

keeping it hidden is a way to treat it as a negative, destructive thing, when in reality adoption is one of the most beautiful and wonderful things anyone can do. it should be celebrated, not shamed.
due 07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 12:31 AM   #40
Nelshizzle
Im toast with a jelly jam
 
Nelshizzle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
I think at a young age. When they start learning the concept of actual parenthood, and how a family is what is meant to be perceived. Maybe 5-6 years of age? I would rather them be familiar with the concept when they are younger, then to find out later on in their teenage years where they might feel a sense of abandonment.

If they decide to find their biological parents, I would rather it be after they're 18 so they are a little more mentally prepared for the journey they embark upon.
__________________
Too many thoughts

Not enough action

Too much action

Not enough thoughts
Nelshizzle is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:34 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.