01-27-2013, 08:13 PM
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#1 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2012
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Like a dog to it's master
And this time I feel
There's no end to this stream Pouring deeper into me Burning my insides Corroding the remains Cleaning me out. But this is what I deserve Agony until I can't stand anymore 'Til I drop to the floor Cough up a lung or two Then laugh about it all About how you poured acid down my throat How it was all a joke Not meant to hurt Nothing serious And fearfully I agree I think I enjoy this Gone past putting up with it Learnt to love it To love torture. Hit me. Cut me. Burn me. Just don't... Leave me. Please. Last edited by Saparasa : 01-28-2013 at 07:17 PM. |
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01-31-2013, 03:33 AM
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#2 |
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Biology student
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: the Netherlands
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This is actually a good piece, but I don't think the current format really does it any justice. I think it would read and look better if the middle part would be divided into two or three seperate stanzas. Try reading it out loud for yourself and see where you'd take breaks. That should probably be the end of a stanza.
Keep it up!
__________________
You who build these altars now
To sacrifice these children You must not do it anymore
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