01-20-2013, 10:01 AM
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#1 |
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th.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
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Rest
There are no more sentiments beneath my sleeves,
they died with me in isolation. All that remains is the detritus of unfinished hymns; no obituary to speak off. Meaningless thoughts, trivial mercies, and forgotten friends can’t follow me here: rest.
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Mulbery |
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01-23-2013, 05:11 PM
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#2 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2011
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This was really good, I thought.
I've got a habit of being partial to anything shorter, though. The more you can say with less. |
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01-23-2013, 05:17 PM
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#3 |
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mon titre d'utilisateur
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
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Vedy gud. But I don't think I feel your line breaks.
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マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー じーんせいはっわんつー！ぱんち・・・ "Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching |
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01-23-2013, 05:17 PM
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#4 |
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Weeow!
Join Date: Mar 2006
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agreed about the line breaks. agreed about the goodness.
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01-24-2013, 01:29 PM
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#5 |
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th.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
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Thanks for reading guys. I think this may have said what I have been trying to say for the past 6 months.
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Mulbery |
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01-24-2013, 06:39 PM
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#6 |
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blindly firing
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: south dakota, united states
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i liked this, and don't see everybody's quips with the line breaks. looks fine to me.
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01-28-2013, 12:53 AM
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#7 |
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So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join Date: Aug 2007
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I agree with the line breaks, but I also read this and it felt like the culmination of your last writings. This was so good.
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My Pieces Tandem There's Nothing As Silent As A Cry Forn Help Carpe Diem One Step New one: Before Your Eyes |
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01-28-2013, 02:36 AM
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#8 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2013
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I loved the different sort of beauty you gave to being tired. wonderful.
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