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Old 01-20-2013, 10:24 PM   #1
StrumThatFender
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Cyclothymia (progressive, GP5)

Haven't posted on here for a while. Actually, I didn't think I ever would again. But then I thought why not post this thing.

C4C as always, any responses appreciated.

Also, make sure that the acoustic is on 'ring throughout', because it kept messing up on my computer; thanks.

EDIT: Made Part D shorter, added MIDI.
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 Cyclothymia.gp5 (38.8 KB, 163 views)
File Type: mid Cyclothymia.mid (38.9 KB, 24 views)

Last edited by StrumThatFender : 01-21-2013 at 11:37 AM.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:19 AM   #2
Dregen
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this was all right, i like the progression and i know where it's going, but some of the chords on bar 10 don't sound like they resolve correctly to me. and the second eighth note sounds kind of weird, the chromatic movement down doesn't work for me.

i think the bass notes/pedal tones take the progression where it's going, but the melody generally hovers around a lot of the same notes. generally when i do stuff like that i try to make the chords more based off of the driving notes. i think doing that would give it a lot more movement too, because you can hear the difference between each change a little more, and since it's pretty much a constant stream of notes it would make it easier to hear and take in.

also, at that 9/8 bar i understand that you're trying to syncopate everything. and you do, but having that extra eighth note sounds kind of jarring to me. if you count it, on bar 12 your second eighth note on the high E string should be on the first beat, not the off beat (if you turn on the metronome too it sounds weird). try making that 9/8 bar a 4/4 bar. cut out the last two notes of that bar 12. then cut the power chord you start bar 13 with and put it on the last eighth note of bar 12. i did this and it smoothly syncopates. you'll also have to adjust the rest of the bars after that too though, since your cutting out notes and putting them in the previous bar, so they'll be an eighth note short.

to me bar 16 doesn't sound like it transitions well back to the tonic chord, maybe work on that a bit.

part B feels really strange to me, the phrases end weirdly. particularly at 41-44, but the rhythm before that was kind of hard for me to get too. and with starting chord at bar 40 i don't think the upper note plays off the pedal tones quite right, the arpeggio sounds kind of sour. i would change either the pedal tones or the upper note. i think for what you're intending the pedal tones might be better.

part C and D i really like, the transition to C was weird but worked for me. also, part E was pretty good. felt really free-time to me, and i thought the phrasing, chords, and notes were done pretty tastefully. and even though you have some weird things going on here too it works and resolves well. the thumpy bass adds a nice touch too. don't change anything there haha

part B again, same thing i said before. i think your just need to keep a constant phrasing and it would sound a lot better.

part C to D again, same things i said before. except the transition between them this time had some sour notes on the guitar.

part D to A. transition is good except for the abrupt tempo change at A, also jarring.

part A to outro worked nicely, the slow down was a nice way to end the song.

this overall has potential, it just needs a lot of tweaking. work on the transitions and overall flow, and maybe some of the phrasing and note choice in certain parts. i think if you smoothed that stuff out it would sound pretty good. and i'm sorry if i kind of worded things in a way that made me sound like an asshole, i didn't mean it that way. i'm just really tired right now and spent probably like an hour typing this crit lol. hopefully there's not too many typos.

Last edited by Dregen : 01-23-2013 at 04:31 AM.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:03 AM   #3
StrumThatFender
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Thank you very much for taking time to do this. Yes I agree with the transitions, they were rushed and I knew they weren't the best after I'd completed it. The 9/8 bar sounds okay to me, but I'll give it another check to see what you mean.

Part B was one of my favourite sections funnily enough. I see where your coming from though, and I would agree.

I usually get comments saying they think it's weird, so not really any surprises there. I use GP for more experimental stuff and piano for the more classically based comps.

So just some tweaking is needed. Thanks, very in-depth crit.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:46 PM   #4
Rossielle
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well done. the Part A is my favourite, and the main melody is pretty nice. also i like the strings, they give a beautiful ambience to the song, and the piano effect too. some parts seems very dissonant but I the give more feelings. good work!

p.s. it is post-rock-ish?)))
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Old 01-24-2013, 10:06 AM   #5
StrumThatFender
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rossielle
well done. the Part A is my favourite, and the main melody is pretty nice. also i like the strings, they give a beautiful ambience to the song, and the piano effect too. some parts seems very dissonant but I the give more feelings. good work!

p.s. it is post-rock-ish?)))


Thank you, glad you liked it.

I'm not sure what genre I'd call to be honest. It has influences from a few, I'd say.
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