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Old 01-31-2013, 03:45 AM   #1
the bartender
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Location: the Netherlands
Mont Blanc

stainless steel
under my feet
and icy ropes
to save us
from the depths

we lift our heels
we put them down
and anything
could happen
in between

for all the thousand
steps I take
until the one
that I will make
no more


it was
never so near


now donít you
hold back, no
itís not the time
to close
the cage

love comes
from and for the loved
so suck it in
and spit it out

and every tear
that gets to shine
Is a victory
over our
own fears


it was
never so near


Wrote this after a failed attempt to climb Mont Blanc. I'll C4C.
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Last edited by the bartender : 02-01-2013 at 08:08 AM.
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Old 01-31-2013, 04:37 PM   #2
blake1221
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I liked this. It's a little ADD, never really finding its specific point, but especially with third and last stanza (not "never so near") you hit your stride with some good material.

Solid effort.
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Old 02-01-2013, 08:07 AM   #3
the bartender
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Thanks! Is there anything you dislike or think could be improved?
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:47 PM   #4
jaybearch
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Join Date: Jan 2013
I really enjoyed this just because even though the pain is over not making it to the top, this is easily translated into any endeavor in life. in fact, the only stanza I didn't like was the first, it seemed too specific compared to the rest of the piece. it focuses the poem well, but I feel like it could be more universal with a different description. That's just my own reading, though, I really enjoyed this otherwise.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:59 PM   #5
the bartender
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Thank you very much! I agree that the first stanza is a lot 'clearer' than the rest, but I think like it that way. I don't want the piece to become too ambiguous.
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