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Old 02-03-2013, 05:32 PM   #1
smartguyreviews
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I can't believe that worked: Socially awkward edition!

I love stories like these, and swapping them. I have a bit of a roundabout way of telling them, but I'd love to hear any of your guy's


I'm a college student, and I have a new roommate this semester. We get along pretty well. But last night he comes back to the dorm at like 3 am with a girl and I basically have to get out. I'd be cool with this, but there was no warning - people I'd call to see if I can stay with them were asleep. But being the relaxed person I am, I grab my key and wallet and leave. I basically hanging around our floor lobby til 5 am (most people had left by 4, but my room was audibly still occupied.), and decide in my very tired and mildly drunk state that dammit, I'm sleeping in my own bed. Would this be potentially awkward? Yes. Was it a risk I was willing to take? Absolutely.

With the nimble stealth of a church mouse I unlocked and entered my room. I found one of it's co-inhabitants asleep with his catch of the night, and I made sure to keep it that way. I then enacted my plan. Quickly and silently changing into sleepingwear, I made my way into my bed, lie on my stomach, and covered myself entirely. I had reasoned that they would awake before myself, but not notice me under the bulky blanket. They would leave the room and I could easily get up and say I had arrived when they weren't in. Genius. I placed two jackets on my covered mass to further sell this.

Upon awakening, two things occurred to me:
1. They were still asleep
2. This was unequivocally one of the worst ideas I've ever had

I spent the next hour or so trying to think of how to escape this hole I had managed to gracefully dig myself into. Ideas including having a friend call my roommate under the guise of a wrong number to wake them up, but that like many others would rely on them not noticing the obvious human being in the bed adjacent to them, the one they would have to pass to leave the strategic battleground that I had come to perceive the room as. Around 2, I decided to enact the best chance I had.

I rolled out of bed and lowered myself onto the ground mission-impossible style. I grabbed the pants and jacket I was wearing the previous night and proceeded to suit up while lying on the ground, applying the hood to hide my bedhead. I then grabbed my key from my desk and held it in my hand. With immaculate silence, I opened the door slightly, then closed it, allowing the mechanism to click shut upon contact, sealing me in the room with whatever fate I had made for myself.

I turned around with a look that said "Oh shit, hope I didn't wake them" knowing fully well I had awoken them. The goal was for them to have their slumber disturbed by the "return"of the sexiled roommate I became the previous night. I saw my roommate's eyes open, knowing the next words out of his mouth could define the remainder of our semester in a living space.

"sup dude"

"nothing much, just gonna grab a quick shower"

"cool"

he went back to sleep, and I felt pure accomplishment mixed with relief. The fact that this progression of events ended in the way it did makes me feel nothing but pride.

I feel as if I am the Napoleon of being sexiled.




tl;dr

my roommate kicked me out to **** a chick, I snuck back in drunk thinking they'd never notice me and managed to not get noticed. Anyone got any personal stories like these?
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Old 02-03-2013, 05:34 PM   #2
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I one time kicked this chick out and ****ed my roommate.
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Old 02-03-2013, 05:38 PM   #3
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that was an entertaining story.
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Old 02-03-2013, 05:50 PM   #4
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Once upon a time I fingered a cousin why she was sleeping. It was kinda sexy, ya know.
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Old 02-03-2013, 05:53 PM   #5
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9/10 story would read again
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:00 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angusfan16
I one time kicked this chick out and ****ed my roommate.



appreciate anyone who's put up with my overly wordy storytelling ways. Anyone got any more? I can think of at least two other occasions in this vein worth sharing but this isn't a blog, after all
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:01 PM   #7
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One time I kicked this chick and my roommate out and I ****ed the room
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:02 PM   #8
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Good story. And I feel like what you did was fair, especially if they were asleep. I've heard a lot of stories of people being in the room while their roommates are doing it, so at least you got to avoid the awkwardness of that. I feel like your roommate should only expect like half an hour, and hour at most. Kicking you out of the room for the night isn't fair unless you have prior warning.

I would tell a story, but the closest thing I have is having to go pee out in the bushes by our pool because my room mate was in the shower. Not very interesting.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:08 PM   #10
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that time I lost my virginity by convincing her that I was well trained in the ways of the sex

she realised afterwards that I'd lied and that it was actually my first time

but

doesnt matter

had sex
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:12 PM   #11
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good story, but if my roommate expected me to leave my own room so he could **** in my own bed i would invite him to **** himself
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:13 PM   #12
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I banged my girlfriend at her friend's new year's party. The inviter's boyfriend was passed out in the room and we eventually moved into the bathroom. When we finished, we walked out and most people at the party noticed. We were explicitly told not to have sex and we just said we didn't.
It would have been awkward if I wasn't drunk.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:18 PM   #13
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that was amazing
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:22 PM   #14
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that was an entertaining story.

it was
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:34 PM   #15
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Wow. Talk about being a doormat. Who gets kicked out of their room so that his roommate can bang a chick? And without warning?

Grow some balls TS.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:38 PM   #16
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Nice story bro.

I still don't get this roommate thing though. You actually share a room with someone, like at a hostel? That sounds really really shit. Don't you have regular halls over there?
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:40 PM   #17
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At my birthday party last year I was pretty smashed and I started making out with my pong partner. We moved to the recliner in the living room and I got to second base in front of everyone there and after playing one more game of pong, we went back to her dorm. She sat me on her bed and told me she'd be right back. I thought, "Cool I'm gonna get some action, I better sober up a bit" and went to get a drink and use the bathroom. After repeating this a few more times and maybe passing out on her bed, I realize that an hour has passed. I get up and head off to the bathroom one more time and I step in a puddle and hear water running. I'm fairly certain she passed out in the shower but I got her RA and waited a little while before leaving.

I felt horrible. I thought she died and I took responsibility for getting her home. After distracting myself with hanging out with my family who came down to visit, I texted her around 7:30. To my dismay, her number read something along the lines of "(*:" but I could have sworn I got her number. I checked the contact again and the number was in the email field. I texted her, and, lo and behold, I got a reply. I guess she blacked out and doesn't remember any of it, including who I was. Everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

Oh and since I had her number, it synced to my snapchat which was awkward when I sent out a mass snapchat on new years of a picture of me with an empty winecooler box on my head as a mask.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:42 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by metaldud536
Wow. Talk about being a doormat. Who gets kicked out of their room so that his roommate can bang a chick? And without warning?

Grow some balls TS.

No offense to TS, but that's what I was thinking. In fact, one time my roommate and her girl were getting it on, and I just flat out walked in for the book I wanted. Luckily, they weren't fucking, but my roommate was a dick. So, I had zero qualms about interrupting him.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:51 PM   #19
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Roommates, literally? D'as shit.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:53 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazysam23_Atax
my roommate and her girl


Typo? Or is your roommate a shape shifter?

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Roommates, literally? D'as shit.


Yeah, thats how it is in 'merican dorms. I'm in a room like that this year. Next year I'm moving into an apartment style one though.
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