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Old 02-10-2013, 10:36 AM   #1
Totallynottommy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Bits 'n pieces

I like to write snippets of songs as they come to me. None of them are linked, but what do you guys think I could do with these?

Your lips have gone stale,
Your eyes tell a different tale,
Betrayed blue shows what's hidden from view,
The guilt is soaking through.

Let it spread through you
Like a vicious, aggressive cancer,
Why feel when you can ****?
What's life when you can't love?

It isn't so difficult
If you really see
I can save you
You will save me
It's a sharp sting
The wounds I bring
But time is no healer
Neither is a cold imitation
I am your medicine
Twice daily if you'd like
Never again if you'd wish

The ways forward open with eyes
Roads obstructed by silence
Let's take it to the end
Let's start it all again

And as I climbed the stairs I could feel something wrong
And I looked into a dark empty room
Save a chair and a masked figure
I turned to run but was grabbed
You're with the madman now
You know there's no way out

I hate you for what I did to you
A temptress of a poisoned thought
To succumb to a fear
We were manufactured heat
And you never found your feet
I'm sorry for what I did to you
But I'm infatuated by pain

Dark eyes hide what a word cannot
The freezing feeling of what's right ripped apart
And she sat alone in a strangers seat
Whilst love was ****ed away

I can only hope that one day
The dead buzz replaced by a click
Unveils a different point of view
The evils are no remedy
Just someone else's hurt
And a whisper of my name
Etched into broken lips

The rain's pouring and there's a storm brewing
I know you're scared
If you want someone to hide behind, hold
I'll be there
But I'm not there.

So, which are terrible, which are decent, which are pretty cliché, which could go together, which should I add to? General thoughts, cheers
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Old 02-12-2013, 10:44 PM   #2
lububble17
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Quote:
Your lips have gone stale,
Your eyes tell a different tale,
Betrayed blue shows what's hidden from view,
The guilt is soaking through.

^^this could be the first verse
Quote:
The ways forward open with eyes
Roads obstructed by silence
Let's take it to the end
Let's start it all again

^^second or alternate verse
Quote:
It isn't so difficult
If you really see
I can save you
You will save me
It's a sharp sting
The wounds I bring
But time is no healer
Neither is a cold imitation
I am your medicine
Twice daily if you'd like
Never again if you'd wish

^^chorus
your writing style is great keep it up!
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