krm27

Hey, interesting thread to me as I'm a guitarist with Asperger's also. Diagnosed a couple years ago. I also play pretty much alone, but have an urge to start playing with others because I feel that without that, my playing does stay one dimensional, I think there is something out there to learn and improve if I can play with others.

I would start by letting go of the limiting belief that you cannot enjoy socializing with others. If you believe that to be true, it will be. Once there were two men who each had to shoulder a large burden and carry it up a mountin. But the burden was very heavy and the mountain was very steep. One man thought he could do it, though it would not be easy. The other man thought it was impossible for him, though he went through the motions of trying. The first man succeeded, and the second man failed. The point is, they were the same man. It was belief that dictated success or failure, not any objective truth about whether they were or were not strong enough.

In my own experience, I realized my social anxiety comes on not simply when I'm around others, but when I am around others AND DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED OF ME. For this reason, I could be relaxed at family gatherings with close family for whom I felt no need to "perform." Similarly, I had a few long-term friends in high school and college where I eventually got comfortable enough around to just "hang" without any worries about whether I'd say or do something wrong.

I think you need to expect when you first meet new people, try playing music with others, you are going to be very nervous. Maybe get a xanax prescription or something. But if you stick with it, that will reduce in time. If you actually joined a band and you guys met and practiced regularly, evetually you will reach the point of comfort with them, they will no longer be strangers, you will not feel you need to put on an act, etc. You just need to "man up" and do it.

And you don't have to just jump into the fire. There are ways to ease into this. You can look for people to play with in online forums, even jam with people over the internet, so you find people you feel comfortable with and get comfortable (to some degree) with them before you ever set foot outside your room or meet them in person. Baby steps, is what I'm talking about.

Whether you do it in baby steps or take bigger steps out of your comfort zone, I do feel it is within your power to do this if you believe in yourself. There are plenty of books out there, too, for aspies on how to overcome this shyness / social awkwardness, or at least fake it. I'd hazard a guess you have not read any. If not, you are really ASSUMING something is impossible without doing a whole hell of a lot to try overcoming your obstacle.

Just some thoughts, YMMV.

~Ken