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Old 02-09-2013, 01:45 PM   #1
joho1701
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Tension with band mate - advice appreciated

A friend and I formed a band in the last couple of years. She's on bass and vocals and I'm guitar, vocals and songwriting.
In the past year we brought in a friend who plays guitar and also writes songs. Mostly he plays leads on my songs, but I have encouraged the idea that we should work on his original material as well.
All of the gear in the studio is mine. I also pay the rent on the studio.
My friend the bassist is new to music, in fact I taught her how to play.
The rent is supposed to be split 3 ways. At first our newest member would bring his own guitar and pay his third of the rent.
We even recorded a DIY EP. After a few months this guy stopped bringing his guitar and began using my second guitar, an axe that I had to trade a few pieces of gear for as well as use cash and credit. I sweated to get that guitar. Also I have a high cc debt for all the investments I have made to create my band. Over the past few months this new band member has not been paying his share of the rent.
Despite my repeated attempts to ask for his share he still does not pay and does not bring his own guitar. We also have been giving him a lot of creative space by practicing his songs. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy playing on other people's songs, but I have now become so resentful of his refusal to contribute financially and to be responsible for his own gear. I have been thinking for some time about cutting him loose from the band. The biggest problem is that my original partner the bass player enjoys playing with him. I don't have anything personal against the guy but his actions have made me resentful and hostile about having him around. My partner wants me to have a talk with him but it is my belief he knows full well what's going on. I know that despite his contributions he is bringing my band energy and my enthusiasm down.
A fan even mentioned she felt his energy was pulling away from original focus of the band. Now even though my partner understands this situation she is new to music and bands and is just enamoured with playing someone else along with me. If I keep him in I get hurt, if I let him go she gets hurt. Thoughts and advice would be most welcomed.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:14 PM   #2
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I think if you keep letting this guy get away with all of this, he'll continue doing it. Just tell him everything you've put in that post.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:21 PM   #3
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Throw him out. It's your band - the man who pays the piper calls the tune - in this case you. Keeping in will only make you miserable. Lead guitarists are 10 a penny anyway.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:32 PM   #4
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1 - tell him to bring his guitar, then put your 2nd guitar somewhere that isn't your studio (take it home or something, then leave it there). I assume you guys are going to be practicing/jamming for a good while (6h+) so tell him to go back and get his.

2 - if he bitches some more, fire him. It is key that you discuss this with your friend/partner, and that you communicate clearly.

3 - I recommend you get a drummer, unless you're the drummer.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:44 PM   #5
joho1701
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You bring up another issue that he doesn't stay long enough at practices, and we only have the studio 2 nights a week! As for a drummer, we have had trouble nailing one do there's one from another band I hire for shows and recordings. As for my partner, she knows my feelings, and knows these thing are problems, but like I said she is torn between him and the needs of the band.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:50 PM   #6
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I sense an undercurrent of jealousy regarding the attention your friend gives to the new guy.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:52 PM   #7
AcousticMetal99
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I say get him to do his share and contribute properly, or simply say that he will have no access until he pays the outstanding debt, and brings his own guitar. If he won't, get rid of him, make sure you have it in writing about whose material is whose, and kick him out. Then find someone else, and make sure they know the rules in the first place. Or, start looking for someone else right now and then go on as suggested above.
Also, good luck with the band, and dealing with this guy.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:58 PM   #8
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hes probly banging the bassist
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:12 PM   #9
kindadumb
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Something of that sort, or perhaps the bassist wishes he would.

You're pretty much a lame duck at this point, because anything you do to alienate the new guy will also alienate the bassist. You either have to be willing to give your bandmates what they want without question or complaint, or be ready to accept that you'll have to build a new band from scratch the second you stand up to the new guy.

Good luck...I honestly think you're screwed, though. =\
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:18 PM   #10
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There is nothing intimate or jealous going on. She new to music and banding.
I taught her to play. She should experience playing with others,
but I need her to have my back regarding the venture.
We have an EP out, Kickstarter budget for studio album and
an interested party who wants to manage us. This is all based on
my material and vision. I have accomplished this alone, without bandmates help.
But the band is essentially me and her, that's the core .
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:20 PM   #11
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It's your band, and your money, so it's up to you whether you want to throw him out. Have a talk with him anyways. He might realize he's been adding tension to the band and cut back, or he might give you attitude. If he chooses the latter, then talk to your bassist some more about the situation. Communication is key when it comes to solving band issues like this. If you guys can't talk it out, there's a deeper issue than egos running a little wild, which is common in most bands.

If I were in your position, I wouldn't tolerate his behaviour. It sounds like it's dragging you down, your band down, and even your fans down. And what good is a band without its fans? Best of luck, dude.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:33 PM   #12
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make him pay or kick him out let your other bandmate knowthat bands are a bussines
if they arent helping out with teh product or auseing losses they gotta go
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:17 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by supersac
make him pay or kick him out let your other bandmate knowthat bands are a bussines
if they arent helping out with teh product or auseing losses they gotta go

While I definitely agree with this sentiment, it might harm the band to treat it so callously. They are a business, indeed, but they're people too. It's too easy to oust a band member dramatically, but when you look at a bandmate as an employee, they become an asset to the business as well, and you can't just push your employees around. Like any responsible business owner should do, I stand by my original suggestion of giving him a good talking to, while trying not to single him out or make him feel any pressure to leave himself, and then take action if the situation doesn't improve. You have to make your feelings very clear, but not in an insulting way. Maybe something like "Look, we've been noticing..." to open it off? Make it clear he's not getting kicked out, but that he's gotta start pulling his weight if he wants to continue to use the services you're offering. The fact that you've done so for free for so long tells me you're a very generous person (more than I would be in your situation), so make it clear that you're not going to continue being as generous in the future, because you can't afford it and it's draining the resources of the band/business.

Now, is he also a decent, reasonable guy? I've had bandmates I thought would be able to handle that kind of thing, who ended up getting pissy and quitting without hearing me out. I'm glad to be in a band that will listen to any and all suggestions (though we have a leader, and I'm not him, every member is allowed a say on decisions), and I'm sure you'll be able to sort this out even if you do lose a member.

By the way, I'd love to check out your EP. I have no idea what kind of music you play, but I'd like to check it out anyways.
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:34 PM   #14
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Here's the thing:

Before you kick someone out, talk with them.

Tell him, "You have to either pay your share or you're out of the band." Tell him, "That guitar won't be here next practice, sorry, you're going to have to bring yours." Then don't bring it.

And if he refuses to pull his weight, fire him.

But that's the thing: you have to tell him what the law is, give him a chance to get into compliance, and then when he doesn't, THEN you fire him.
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Old 02-09-2013, 05:13 PM   #15
joho1701
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Travislausch & hotspur jr: yes I will giving him the courtesy of
speaking to him, But more for my original partner then for him.
as I am convinced even if he does give me the money he owes me
in a few months the pattern will start over again.

Travis our EP, which is acoustic based indie folk is available on CDbaby: The Fylls Living Rooms Little Album recorded live in living rooms of friends and fans in New York City. Our grungier side side is best seen on YouTube The Fylls. Check out "Peel,"
"Giving Out" and "Museum Pieces".
Thanks so very much for asking

Here are reviews of the EP:

****************PkiiE2

http://www.reviewyou.com/the-fylls-...s-little-album/

http://kudosandflowers.blogspot.com...s-rule.html?m=1

http://leicesterbangs.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/review-fylls-living-rooms-little-album.html?m=1!
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:56 PM   #16
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What's the arrangement with the studio? Is it at your house or is it a rehearsal room you regularly hire? If it's a rehearsal room that you're hiring everyone needs to pay their fair share. It's just not acceptable for 1 person to pay for that when it should be split 3 ways. My band evenly splits the cost of rehearsal rooms, which are hired specifically for band practice. It seems absolutely ridiculous and grossly unfair to do otherwise. If the others don't want to pay their fair share because it is too expensive, find a cheaper rehearsal room that suits everyones budget or practice at someones house.
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Old 02-11-2013, 02:47 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joho1701
...but I need her to have my back regarding the venture.

Unfortunately...thats outside of your control.

You may have to prepare yourself mentally for starting again without the guitarist or the bassist. Whoever said lead guitarists are 10 a penny is right.

Youve got all the gear...so new people will be easy enough to find

What Hotspur said about giving him a chance to conform before firing him is absolutely right. This guy is taking the piss...you are right..he knows exactly what he is doing...
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Old 02-11-2013, 01:17 PM   #18
joho1701
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Thanks for all the suggestions! They have really motivating
My partner and I to confront the situation. We are meeting with
The guitar player outside the studio on Wednesday with this
agenda:

1.First he pays back rent.
2. He uses his own guitar starting now.
3.We rehearse 6-10. ( He keeps quitting after about 2 hrs).
If tired we take a break and refuel.
4. He pays monthly WITHOUT having to be asked on the 25th of every month (our studio landlord usually posts a sign) when rent is due.
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