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Old 02-18-2013, 02:31 AM   #1
The Baconator
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Post [GP5] Temnist (WIP, (not actually) cloudkicker-esque metal?) C4C?

Hi guys, this is my first time posting in here, though I've lurked for a pretty long while.

Anyways, this is something I've been working on for a while, it's very incomplete and I'd love feedback.I have a lot of ideas I'd like to write on it, but sadly my rhythmic ear isn't very good and I have to ask people to notate stuff for me lol. I'm also fairly terrible at writing drums, so it's kinda thrown together; I like it, but again I'd love feedback.


Right now I have it in 2 versions:

Short: (mostly) done I guess, I might add in some of the clean riffs I haven't transcribed yet, but I'm not sure).

Long: Very much a WIP, the gp5 for it still has a riff at the end that is going to go in the middle, and I'm thinking of redoing the intro entirely. I have a crapton more riffs to put in this still as well.

NOTE: I made the tabs in tuxguitar, so apologies if it sounds off in guitar pro, the slap bass is just meant to be a normal picked bass that's louder than the picked bass parts, and I liked the sound of it in tuxguitar.

Thanks for looking! I'll gladly look at your material and provide feedback if you want
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 temnistdemo short.gp5 (19.8 KB, 97 views)
File Type: gp5 temnist long experimental.gp5 (26.9 KB, 110 views)
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Last edited by The Baconator : 02-22-2013 at 10:09 AM.
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:06 AM   #2
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Cloudkicker-esque? No. not really. Don't even mention this dude anymore.
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:55 AM   #3
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It's dark, ambient, and instrumental. It begins with a clean intro (Not yet completed in the gp file), and then introduces a main rhythm guitar riff that's repeated multiple times and expanded into a motif. The main guitar riff is in 4/4 while the drums are in 3/4 for measures 7-14, and there's polyrhythm again at 23-25. There is a clean guitar break in the middle (Though it's not yet done or put in the gp file). There is a rhythmic "djenty" (as much as hate the word) breakdown at 35-37.

Have you listened to much Cloudkicker?

Mainly the style of the intro, and the bass parts at around 0:55

(Clean-ish)Intro, 2:44, also 3:27

Granted, it has a "lead" guitar, and obviously much much simpler rhythms than Cloudkicker, since I'm a fairly terrible composer, and I'm no Ben Sharp. If you were to call it a Cloudkicker style or imitation, you'd be wrong, and you'd look like you were comparing Metallica to Meshuggah in terms of musical complexity. But I'm not trying to copy them, and the style I was writing reminded me of Cloudkicker (Hence "Cloudkicker-esque?"). Not to mention the fact that it's nowhere near complete.

Regardless, I would much appreciate if you could provide feedback on the song, or tips to make it better. Thanks!
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Old 02-20-2013, 12:22 PM   #4
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Sounds like a constrained Blotted Science, but with random clean bits that are unrelated to the other sections. Doesn't sound like any Cloudkicker I've heard.
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Old 02-20-2013, 04:15 PM   #5
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^ It reminded of Cloudkicker before I added the arpeggios in the middle, lol. I can accept that it's not Clooudkicker, it's not supposed to be. I kind of regret putting that in the title... Anyways, can I get any opinions other than "it's not Cloudkicker"? As a sidenote, the "random unrelated Clean bit at the end" is going to go in the middle, I just haven't gotten around to moving it and adding drums to it yet. And I find the comparison to Blotted Science rather odd...
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Old 02-20-2013, 05:06 PM   #6
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Thats just what I'm hearing, loads of chromatics and arhythmical elements in a similar fashion to BS (rofl). But okay, better crit:

Nothing in the intro sounded good when gelled together. The chords + drums were good, the guitar + drums were good, but all 3 bits just wouldn't work, even for diehard prog fans into the wierdest shit.

Bars 23-31 worked, but should be like a second verse or have half timed drums for a main bridge. Sounds good for the genre, dissonance but with a small melodic undertone.

The transition at 40-42 should not be wasted, its a good one for this style of music.

Not much else to go on really.
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Eip pls
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:41 PM   #7
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Nothing like Cloudkicker in the slightest, stop trying to argue. Don't see why that would bother you though, why would you want to sound like a rip off of another artist?
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:08 PM   #8
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I dont know, I never listened to such music so I cant really give an honest crit.

To be it sounded just way too odd, like Primus going completely without melody and completely metal.
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:29 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frankibo
Nothing like Cloudkicker in the slightest, stop trying to argue. Don't see why that would bother you though, why would you want to sound like a rip off of another artist?

It doesn't bother me, and I wish people would stop bitching about it. As I said, it reminded ME of Cloudkicker while I was writing it, but ok. I really wish I didn't put it in the title, because now instead of feedback, I get "this doesn't sound like cloudkicker, stop trying".
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:31 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guitar0player
I dont know, I never listened to such music so I cant really give an honest crit.

To be it sounded just way too odd, like Primus going completely without melody and completely metal.

Really? I thought it sounded too simplistic, I'll take that as a complement, especially comparing it to Primus
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Old 02-22-2013, 03:40 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Baconator
It's dark, ambient, and instrumental. It begins with a clean intro (Not yet completed in the gp file), and then introduces a main rhythm guitar riff that's repeated multiple times and expanded into a motif. The main guitar riff is in 4/4 while the drums are in 3/4 for measures 7-14, and there's polyrhythm again at 23-25. There is a clean guitar break in the middle (Though it's not yet done or put in the gp file). There is a rhythmic "djenty" (as much as hate the word) breakdown at 35-37.

Have you listened to much Cloudkicker?

Mainly the style of the intro, and the bass parts at around 0:55

(Clean-ish)Intro, 2:44, also 3:27

Granted, it has a "lead" guitar, and obviously much much simpler rhythms than Cloudkicker, since I'm a fairly terrible composer, and I'm no Ben Sharp. If you were to call it a Cloudkicker style or imitation, you'd be wrong, and you'd look like you were comparing Metallica to Meshuggah in terms of musical complexity. But I'm not trying to copy them, and the style I was writing reminded me of Cloudkicker (Hence "Cloudkicker-esque?"). Not to mention the fact that it's nowhere near complete.

Regardless, I would much appreciate if you could provide feedback on the song, or tips to make it better. Thanks!



Oh you are referring to the pre-ambient cloudkicker... sorry
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