|02-22-2013, 12:00 AM||#1|
Join Date: Dec 2010
How is this
I wrote this at work today. I guess it would be best if rapped.
This is one of the first things ive written.
It's about conformity, mostly at my school.
You're a cancer*
Grown and fed through the media
You try to talk to me but I have nothing to say to ya
It's an annoyance*
You're not really a queer
Youre just being oddly flamboyant
Changing yourself for the sake of fitting in*
Conformity, to me thats the deadliest sin
These fads are always changing
Right now it's metrosexual
And you just carry on like your stupidity is perpetual
And you'll never get out until you find out what life is all about
Diversity, what sets you apart from others
Its What makes you stand out be stout and it uplifts your mothers
I'm not done yet, I just want to see if it's any good
|02-22-2013, 04:16 PM||#2|
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
Rap requires a near-perfect rhythm. The last four lines are okay, if a bit shaky, in that respect. The rest needs major work. "Conformity...always changing" - these two lines, based on my interpretation, are supposed to run together, yet their is too big a shift between syllables to find a rhythm. Keep track of your syllables; they don't need to be identical, close proximity will suffice.
Withering With Entropy
Gobbets of Me