03-08-2013, 04:53 PM
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#1 |
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Lets rent bikes from 1942
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In the deepest ocean, the bottom of the sea
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WotW - Two Mornings (for Fred)
Two Mornings Our lungs rose up in steam clouds, Utah breath, they say the outcrops are so inaccessible only an angel could land on them, and a vulture circles in the western sky high above the horizon, but maybe they're not so different from each other, or from how I look at you, say, my name is, say, remember me? say, it's been so long— I wander through construction sites, ruins of M., drifting off into distance, and everything else is lost outside of warning signs, the fences to which they’re tied, footsteps echoing across plywood, bridges tracked with mud— and where these things meet, under a sky that reminds me of you, talking about cloud forms and rock formations at dawn, I begin to move on.
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Anatomy Anatomy Whale Blue Review Park that car
Drop that phone Sleep on the floor Dream about me Last edited by jiminizzle : 03-10-2013 at 04:40 AM. |
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03-08-2013, 07:03 PM
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#2 |
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Weeow!
Join Date: Mar 2006
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one of the best i've ever read from you. wanted one more image in the tail end of the first stanza but great piece my man
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03-08-2013, 08:06 PM
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#3 |
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th.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
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Wow, is the title referring to me? I agree with Dylan.
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Mulbery |
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03-09-2013, 02:04 PM
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#4 |
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Lets rent bikes from 1942
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In the deepest ocean, the bottom of the sea
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yeah you said short poems land you tail so I wrote a short(ish) poem hoping to score with you, babe
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Anatomy Anatomy Whale Blue Review Park that car
Drop that phone Sleep on the floor Dream about me |
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03-09-2013, 02:32 PM
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#5 |
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Weeow!
Join Date: Mar 2006
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sex sells.
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03-09-2013, 02:55 PM
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#6 | |
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th.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
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Quote:
Pfft, this isn't short enough.
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Mulbery |
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03-09-2013, 04:23 PM
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#7 |
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Lets rent bikes from 1942
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In the deepest ocean, the bottom of the sea
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i guess size does matter
 (ok i'm done) thanks for checking it out guys. I have some minor tweaks written somewhere I'll edit in soon.
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Anatomy Anatomy Whale Blue Review Park that car
Drop that phone Sleep on the floor Dream about me |
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03-10-2013, 01:37 AM
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#8 |
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mon titre d'utilisateur
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
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Excellente.
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マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー じーんせいはっわんつー！ぱんち・・・ "Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching |
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03-13-2013, 06:00 PM
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#9 |
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So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Lately your poems have this aching beauty that makes them very unique; I feel you've been improving your imagery. This was very very good Jimmy. The only thing I didn't like was the complete lack of full stops. This is filled with commas and turns everything into a very big sentence, and this is so much more than that. Loved reading this.
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My Pieces Eh-bits Tandem There's Nothing As Silent As A Cry Forn Help Carpe Diem New one: One Step |
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03-19-2013, 02:04 AM
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#10 |
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Lets rent bikes from 1942
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In the deepest ocean, the bottom of the sea
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that means a lot, man. I feel like my experiment with deliberately writing lyric poems has given me some of my best stuff ever over this winter. Definitely different tonally but it feels like a good direction at the moment. I'll play with the stops. Line breaks + punctuation have never been my strong suit :/
thanks so much guys :] :]
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Anatomy Anatomy Whale Blue Review Park that car
Drop that phone Sleep on the floor Dream about me Last edited by jiminizzle : 03-19-2013 at 03:16 AM. |
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03-19-2013, 03:16 AM
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#11 |
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Lets rent bikes from 1942
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In the deepest ocean, the bottom of the sea
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that means a lot, man. I feel like my experiment with deliberately writing lyric poems has given me some of my best stuff over this winter. Definitely different tonally but it feels like a good direction at the moment. I'll play with the stops. Line breaks + punctuation have never been my strong suit :/
thanks so much guys :] :]
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Anatomy Anatomy Whale Blue Review Park that car
Drop that phone Sleep on the floor Dream about me |
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03-19-2013, 05:59 AM
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#12 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: delhi
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That's very sweet lyrics. I am trying to write a good songs but I am not succeeded. any suggestion.
event management companies in kolkata
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event organizers in kolkata |
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03-19-2013, 08:40 AM
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#13 |
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So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Keep doing what you feel like you should do with your writings Jimmy !
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My Pieces Eh-bits Tandem There's Nothing As Silent As A Cry Forn Help Carpe Diem New one: One Step |
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03-26-2013, 11:20 PM
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#14 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: your mom's house
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good stuff man
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>>>http://artists.ultimate-guitar.com/p_yolk/<<< ___________________  ___________________ http://groups.ultimate-guitar.com/rrrandomnessw/ __________________  __________________
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04-03-2013, 12:02 AM
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#15 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Last edited by janeelissa : 04-03-2013 at 12:04 AM. |
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04-03-2013, 12:04 AM
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#16 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quote:
While there is life there is hope.
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While there is life there is hope. Guild Wars 2 Gold Diablo 3 Gold Cheap GW2 Gold |
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