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Old 03-08-2013, 04:53 PM   #1
jiminizzle
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WotW - Two Mornings (for Fred)


Two Mornings


Our lungs rose up in steam clouds,
Utah breath, they say
the outcrops are so inaccessible
only an angel could land on them,
and a vulture circles in the western sky
high above the horizon,
but maybe they're not so different
from each other, or from how I look
at you, say, my name is, say,
remember me? say, it's been so long—


I wander through construction sites,
ruins of M., drifting off into distance,
and everything else is lost outside
of warning signs, the fences
to which they’re tied,
footsteps echoing across plywood,
bridges tracked with mud—
and where these things meet, under
a sky that reminds me of you, talking
about cloud forms
and rock formations at dawn,
I begin to move on.

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Last edited by jiminizzle : 03-10-2013 at 04:40 AM.
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Old 03-08-2013, 07:03 PM   #2
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one of the best i've ever read from you. wanted one more image in the tail end of the first stanza but great piece my man
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Old 03-08-2013, 08:06 PM   #3
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Wow, is the title referring to me? I agree with Dylan.
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:04 PM   #4
jiminizzle
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yeah you said short poems land you tail so I wrote a short(ish) poem hoping to score with you, babe
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:32 PM   #5
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sex sells.
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:55 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jiminizzle
yeah you said short poems land you tail so I wrote a short(ish) poem hoping to score with you, babe

Pfft, this isn't short enough.
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Old 03-09-2013, 04:23 PM   #7
jiminizzle
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i guess size does matter

(ok i'm done)
thanks for checking it out guys. I have some minor tweaks written somewhere I'll edit in soon.
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:37 AM   #8
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Excellente.
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Old 03-13-2013, 06:00 PM   #9
seventh_angel
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Lately your poems have this aching beauty that makes them very unique; I feel you've been improving your imagery. This was very very good Jimmy. The only thing I didn't like was the complete lack of full stops. This is filled with commas and turns everything into a very big sentence, and this is so much more than that. Loved reading this.
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Old 03-19-2013, 02:04 AM   #10
jiminizzle
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that means a lot, man. I feel like my experiment with deliberately writing lyric poems has given me some of my best stuff ever over this winter. Definitely different tonally but it feels like a good direction at the moment. I'll play with the stops. Line breaks + punctuation have never been my strong suit :/

thanks so much guys :] :]
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Last edited by jiminizzle : 03-19-2013 at 03:16 AM.
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:16 AM   #11
jiminizzle
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that means a lot, man. I feel like my experiment with deliberately writing lyric poems has given me some of my best stuff over this winter. Definitely different tonally but it feels like a good direction at the moment. I'll play with the stops. Line breaks + punctuation have never been my strong suit :/

thanks so much guys :] :]
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Old 03-19-2013, 05:59 AM   #12
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That's very sweet lyrics. I am trying to write a good songs but I am not succeeded. any suggestion.
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Old 03-19-2013, 08:40 AM   #13
seventh_angel
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Keep doing what you feel like you should do with your writings Jimmy !
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Old 03-26-2013, 11:20 PM   #14
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good stuff man
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:02 AM   #15
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While there is life there is hope.
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:04 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ben bobby oh
good stuff man

While there is life there is hope.
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