guitarazn44

Hey guys! I'm seeking some advice, any way shape or form, on both my songwriting and my recording style. I've been playing guitar for 4 years, and started recording original songs just last year. This is my latest recorded track.

https://soundcloud.com/artus-cunanan/mrs-shark-complete

Any criticism works, I appreciate all of it.

DisarmGoliath

Moved to correct forum.

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AngryGoldfish

This isn't the correct forum! Pfffft, these mods know nothing.



*moved to MT*

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Brigadier of the 7-String Legion ▪ 2nd Best Mod ▪ Wtlt ▪ Best Large Board 2012
Gas ▪ Rig ▪ Words

DisarmGoliath

Meh, I was tired and just skim read 'Songwriting' in the title and saw a link in the post

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AngryGoldfish

It happens.

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Brigadier of the 7-String Legion ▪ 2nd Best Mod ▪ Wtlt ▪ Best Large Board 2012
Gas ▪ Rig ▪ Words

Hail

this isn't the right forum either

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HotspurJr

So, the interesting thing is you have a pretty strong hook - the soaring melody on "these feelings fade ..." It makes me sit up a little higher, pay attention. It's a great little hook.

But the rest of the song isn't up to it.

The intro is really hard to evaluate because of how poorly it's recorded/mixed. You're more talking than singing there, and there's not much melody, and so it's not very interesting.

Then in the verses, I don't really hear anything in lines 2-4 that really connect with or set up the hook. The first verse is the best, in that sense, but that melody still feels vague. This song is about you belting out that first melodic line ... so I'd really zero in on how the rest of the verse melody connects to it.

The instrumental break isn't that interesting. A good producer might be able to do something with that section, but right now it and your bridge are weak.

It's strange that the first line of the chorus "I'm lost in doubt" comes closest to "those feelings fade" but that makes the verse sort of hard to separate from the chorus, and makes your whole structure a little muddy.

I think you need to really did down and focus on your melodies here. You have a good hook, which is half the battle. The rest of the battle is setting it up properly.

Hum your melody, without your guitar, and that might help you see how it's all sort of vague. Work on your melody without strumming so much, so you don't distract yourself.

Hail

do i hear autotune in there on and off? there's something very jarring about some of the vocal lines, but it could just be the backing guitar sticking out too much

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