Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 04-05-2013, 11:51 PM   #1
JustRooster
Organ Donor
 
JustRooster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
Converse

"Converse"

I think I can see the bottoms of my feet when I'm standing.
Like X-Ray Vision. Cool.

Anyway, I'm kind of like that guy
in the corner holding a red cup and
making fun of other people at the
party and how silly they look with
their red cups.

I've gotten too good at calling
people who are just
like me out on all their bullshit.

Thankfully the floor isn't made of mirrors.

It'd be pretty damn impractical, but almost
too perfect for the context of this poem.
__________________

BUCKY

Last edited by JustRooster : 11-19-2013 at 01:38 AM.
JustRooster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2013, 12:14 AM   #2
ZanasCross
C(k)=Epsilon(ijk)A(i)B(j)
 
ZanasCross's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Asymmetric Tensored Hilbert Space
I loved everything up until the large break. After that, I felt like you were "trying to hard" to resolve this into something more meaningful than a self-referential poem. If you don't have that, I think it's a much stronger ending. I enjoyed this quite a lot though.
ZanasCross is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2013, 01:01 AM   #3
JustRooster
Organ Donor
 
JustRooster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
I never know how to end them. Most people tell me they end up better when I don't! Haha. Thanks for the pointers.
__________________

BUCKY
JustRooster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2013, 08:18 PM   #4
Carmel
 
Carmel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Israel
__________________
This is not a pipe
Carmel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 12:34 AM   #5
#1 synth
Weeow!
 
#1 synth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
too perfect for the context of this poem.

this line was too easy. you can make it hit so much harder.

real nice sense of control and rhythm throughout
__________________
Fan of Spoken Word and Pornography?
Then LIKE my Facebook Page!
https://www.facebook.com/DylanDDebelis
#1 synth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2013, 03:23 PM   #6
HaveSomeGlue
Registered User
 
HaveSomeGlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
I don't know why I love this so much but I do. Especially the line about mirrors on the floor.
__________________
Hi there.
Music on Facebook.
Music on Soundcloud.
If you would be so kind as to listen to my EP here that would be lovely.
HaveSomeGlue is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:21 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.