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Old 05-04-2013, 11:02 PM   #1
Cyclones41
this too shall pass
 
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Des Moines
Indiana

I'll return critiques, as always.

i.
I never liked the color green, tea, or recycling. That is, until you told me those were all of your favorite things. A day passed after you had disclosed your loves and I called back just to say, "Actually, green's not too bad." I wasn't changing myself for you; in fact, you were the first person I was able to be myself around, so it was easy for me to begin to love what you loved.

ii.
I remember the day I met you--we made eye contact and my gut knew that I would be close to you; it knew I was going to love you. I'm not one for wasting time, so I asked you to join me for coffee. You hated coffee, but came anyway. I told myself that that had to be a good sign.

iii.
You were the first person I committed myself to--you didn't know it, but it was you. I did it unintentionally. Playing into all of your jokes, going on walks, getting to know your friends, sharing my songs and my poetry, all of it, it cornered myself between inexplicable loneliness and you. And I always--I always chose you.

iv.
One day, I told you that I needed you. I wrote it down because we all know I can't float words out of my mouth with the same eloquence or proficiency found when my ink is on a page. You confronted me that night with the same smile and same eyes as every other night and assured me you loved me. I felt a satisfaction I'd never felt before, but it wasn't freeing. I still thought that had to be a good sign.

v.
And then I watched you drive north through the snow. It was odd, a May snowfall. I hated it, but couldn't blame the sky because I was crying, too. You see, I had finally realized that when you said you loved me, what you meant was that you loved people.

vi.
You made me promise I'd visit, but darling, I'm never stepping foot in Indiana.
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Last edited by Cyclones41 : 05-06-2013 at 11:06 PM.
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Old 05-05-2013, 10:12 AM   #2
doubtfulsalmon
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Quote:
You see, I had finally realized that when you said you loved me, what you meant was that you loved people.

i really feel you dude.

this was incredible, nothing else to say.
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Old 05-05-2013, 06:21 PM   #3
zack_as
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Join Date: Apr 2013
that was really good. I liked it
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Old 05-06-2013, 10:21 PM   #4
mr.retard
wumbology
 
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Join Date: Jan 2012
This is very well written. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 05-07-2013, 01:34 PM   #5
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
 
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Ohai Brett!

I've had a problem with this actually. It feels personal and heartfelt, but at the same time it's too bland for its own good. It's like you keep your emotions really confined and you only let a bit of it out, and at the same time it's too straightforward, so it's not like you confined your emotions for a more metaphorical/artistic approach.

It's good to read you again
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