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Old 06-20-2013, 05:08 PM   #1
louis.dearing
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Acoustic Love Song - Untitled as of now

Hey guys, I'm 14 and this is the first song I've ever written, and criticism would be greatly appreciated, and maybe ideas for a name too?

This song is about a girl I'd been crazy about for around 3 years, and I never actually got the 'balls' to talk to her, then when I finally did, it turned out she felt the same way. Oh happy days!


Am Dm
Winding down tonight without a smile on your face
C E
I guess sometimes you need to move on and just replace
but something deep inside woun't let you forget her beautiful smile
So you decide to stay up, and think about her for a while

Dm G
When there's darkness you'll stay up at night
Em F
and where theres fear, you'll turn and cry
And when in your heart there's nothing there,
You'll sit alone, and you'll be scared
But you love her, you really do, and you want her to understand you
So you to write her a song, you write her a song to say
'I love you'

Now you're lying in your bed, crazy thoughts spinning through your head,
You're thinking to your self, 'has chosen someone else instead?'
Insomnia, keeping you up at nights, but you reach for the wall, turn off the lights,
You think to yourself I need to stand up and fightt

Because where there's darkness you will find the light,
and where there's fear, you'll turn and fight,
and when in your heart there's nothing there,
You'll stand tall, and repair
Because you love her, you really do, and you need her to understand you,
So you write her a song, to break your way through,
You write her a song to say
'I love you'

And then she'll turn and she'll say straight to your face,
'Your lucky that your not too late'
You'll stare into her eyes and say
'Maybe we can try again?'
and she'll say 'yes, now we both know that'

When there was darkness you have found light,
and where there was fear, you put up a fight
and when in your heart there was nothing there,
you stood tall, and you repaired,
and you still love her, you really do, and now she understands you,
You wrote her a song to try and break through, and now you know
she loves you too.
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Old 06-20-2013, 06:06 PM   #2
TehDutchDude
I'm really Dutch.
 
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Dutchland
Cute song. First things first: the abbreviation for you are is you're. Your is a possessive pronoun. I'm Dutch - you should be correcting my English (or my Dutch, lol), not vice versa.

/grammar nazi

I like the rhythm in your song. There's a nice flow going on, which will probably make this song easy to listen to, which is good. Love songs need to be catchy to be succesful. I think she'll love it. I know it put a smile on my face.

There is one part that felt out of place though:
And then she'll turn and she'll say straight to your face,
'Your lucky that your not too late'
You'll stare into her eyes and say
'Maybe we can try again?'
and she'll say 'yes, now we both know that'

Suddenly, there is no rhyme, and the last word of this verse is 'that', which you should not use as a last word. If you plug that hole, I think you have a really nice song to warm her heart with!

Would you mind taking a look at my song? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1606395
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Last edited by TehDutchDude : 06-20-2013 at 06:09 PM.
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Old 06-21-2013, 02:45 AM   #3
louis.dearing
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Thanks man, much appreciated! I'll do some more work at home tonight and I'll leave some feedback for you to
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