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Old 07-16-2013, 12:17 AM   #1
sarabarryy
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Looking for feedback and modifications on this song

What do you guys think?



Verse 1
Canít tell whats right or wrong
This disease has taken over
Closer and closer
Up and down like a rollercoaster

Iím the video game
My thoughts are the controller
And the game is almost over

Chorus
All alone I need some help
The world spins around but it left me on a shelf,
What should I do with myself
And I can't take, any more of this feeling
So I'm leaving


Happy to pass me by
Without hello or a goodbye
Do you even know what Iím feeling?
Its cold, I'm left in the snow, now I'm freezing

Chorus
All alone I need some help
The world spins around but it left me on a shelf,
What should I do with myself
And I can't take, any more of this feeling
So I'm leaving

Bridge
I wish I could stay still for a moment
Watch how it all turns around
To see how the world deceives me
How the people leave me
As it all pushes me out of the way

All alone I need your help
The worldís left me on a shelf
What do I do with myself
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Old 07-29-2013, 11:38 AM   #2
UFC on VHS
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Join Date: Sep 2011
The only feedback I can give by looking at this is to tell you that you have a nice poem.

Post a video of you playing it. We need to hear the melody, we need to hear your chorus, this is just a wall of words a poem. We need to hear it brought to life by you.

Not trying to be rude but you asked for advice and feedback on your song, which is cool but all I see is lyrics.
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Last edited by UFC on VHS : 07-29-2013 at 11:41 AM.
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