Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 08-13-2013, 05:12 AM   #1
BeatlesFan789
Registered User
 
BeatlesFan789's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Wait (Psychedelic Rock)

These are my first psychedelic rock lyrics. I've tried forming lyrics before, but I put some time into it and came up with this at about 3 AM when I couldn't sleep. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

To Roam - Lyrics (About 3 minutes, 45 seconds.)

Verse 1;
Wait just one more moment, please.
Before you go, there's something you must see.
And if you'd like from time to time,
that is-
if you would listen to my plea.
You can revisit anytime, anywhere.
Just close your eyes and count; "1, 2, 3, 4..."

Chorus;
Welcome to this land, look and see-
does what you see satisfy your needs?
Now go-
this is all I'd like to know.

Breathe in the air, it's fine and clean-
The sun is shining through the trees.
Now go-
This land is yours... to roam!

*GUITAR SOLO*

Verse 2;

In a world of words and rhyme,
How does one simply find the time?
Is it buried... in your mind?
Well-
It is your brain, not mine.
I'm just here keeping time- "1, 2, 3, 4..."

Chorus;

A wheel of color rolling free,
amidst the chaos and catastrophe.
I know-
You're seeing things that didn't show.

Water seeps through a purple creek,
Grass is growing beneath your feet.
I know-
Life is beautiful when let flow!

*DRUM/GUITAR SOLO*

Outro Verse;

While upon the seas of green,
along with other things you've seen.

You've learned something new.
Your mind is flowing through.

Chorus;

To roam the mind, is to be free-
inspiration leaks through the seams.
Let's go-
To a place we've never been before!

You're thinking strong.
See how far you've gone!
Let's go-
Into our minds, to roam!

*GUITAR SOLO TO OUTRO*

There it is! Please give me your thoughts and advice.

Last edited by BeatlesFan789 : 08-14-2013 at 04:14 AM. Reason: Song title/minor lyric change.
BeatlesFan789 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2013, 11:01 PM   #2
5wFisher
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
i think you need stronger images in the verses. the choruses are strong though. i dig the "wheel of color" motif. i like the verse and chorus structure. it may be that it would be stronger if you put instruments to this and post a link. and i like psychedelic rock a lot so if you complete this song please post to the board.
5wFisher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2013, 11:40 PM   #3
BeatlesFan789
Registered User
 
BeatlesFan789's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Thanks for the advice! To be honest, I made the verses not as vivid as the choruses because the verses are there to serve the purpose of telling you how to get to this "world." I will try to make them stronger, though.
BeatlesFan789 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:11 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.