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Old 08-15-2013, 12:23 AM   #1
hippieboy444
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'that was then'

to have only stepped foot on these grounds once before was the only mistake. familiarity is a shrewd attorney, one of categorical and unflinching persistence, knocking at the base of my being with metal hands. i wonder about these vistas and the meaning behind their textures too much, looking for what may never be there, or was always there. would i blame god for not showing himself clearly, as in the shine on your eyes from the street lamps? as in the slow march of time i feel.

as in the unabashed tension in your nerves under my palm when i kiss your neck: the arch and curve of your muscles. an evolutionary fact may not satisfy my taste for ideals, or even the hunger in my heart for the obvious, but your smile as i gently touch your cheek tells me more of fact than i have ever learned in school, or ever learned. i feel the weight of you, the value and worth of everything you embody, possess, fight for, love, cast out and bring in, bring to bear, tell of in the symbolism of your body: it is overwhelming in the most religious of senses.

/

if i could trade my everlasting soul for the permanence of this moment, if i was faced with parting red seas or your hair, if i had to prove my faith with the blood of your body

i would sin.
i would reject the volition of my own belief outside the absolute of this.

i would rather write of the temporal; this beauty, the elegance of skin, the shakiness of palms; a telling, a scripture of the heaven that i am gazing into, that gazes into me with the kindred heat of a strange and tall love,

of your hand cradling my face.

the only question was if i could bring these scriptures to the people, would they listen.
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Old 08-16-2013, 03:13 AM   #2
Abomination94
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That is really cool man. You have quite a way with words, well done. The only part I didn't like was "...have ever learned in school, or ever learned". I think it would be better to leave it at "have ever learned".

Keep it up!
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Old 08-19-2013, 12:25 PM   #3
seventh_angel
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^I agree with him. It's the only part that made me stumble a bit upon reading; mentioning school doesn't seem right in this. Everything else is lovely.
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Old 08-19-2013, 01:28 PM   #4
hippieboy444
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i may agree; i guess for me it connected with the idea of evolutionary fact - biology class was always about that.
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Old 08-19-2013, 02:55 PM   #5
jiminizzle
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I leave this thread inspired... maybe more upon returning but it's off to the notebook first if you'll excuse me
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:09 AM   #6
SubwayToVenus
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that second paragraph hit a real nice stride, and i think it was because you played the evolution-religion dichotomy much more prominently there. i appreciated the subtleties of that part as well in comparison with the part that came after it, which i felt was where the theme of religion was a little too explicit for my tastes. for me, i loved the ideas and concepts but the execution of them worked very well in some places and not as well in other places.

i look forward to reading more from you, man.
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