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Old 05-25-2014, 10:25 AM   #1
Trivium fanboy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Berlin/GER
BorderlineCORE. [GP5]

Hey guys,

this is another song I've been writing for my band.
It's entitled borderlinecore so far, cuz it draws from elements of traditional metalcore, as well as some post-hardcore or post-rock influences.
Lots of acoustics are included as well.

I'm rather happy with it, but still open for suggestions, so feel free to express them.

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Old 06-21-2014, 08:34 PM   #2
From Your Grave
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I liked a lot of aspects of this, but there's a couple things I didn't like. I think the intro should be 8 bars before "Rise" instead of 16. Feels kinda like it drags on for how the rest of the parts are more concise and direct. The pre-verse and verse were far too -core for my tastes, but for what they are, I actually respect them, especially since all the parts around it are decent.

I was disappointed when I saw the first chord for the intro, not because it was bad but that is the second time I've seen it in a song in the last few days since I wrote a riff with it as the basis a couple weeks ago, thinking I had something fresh.

Going back to the intro actually, it's not bad, but it's not exciting or very interesting either, which is why I think it should only have the 8 bars before the next instruments come in.

Pre-chorus wasn't bad. Again not real interesting but decent, and good for bridging to the next part. I liked that the bass notes were 7 3 5 instead of 0 8 7, you didn't fall into the trap. I think you should cut bars 55-58, and MAYBE make the last part of the pre-chorus riff one repetition, speaking of which, the drums don't flow as well here. It's kinda fast, then just goes to half-time feel, then all of a sudden the chorus kicks in.

Even for your extensive use of 0000 in the chorus, I thought it was really good. You've taken a lot of -core elements and actually made something decent from it. I think Metalcore really had a chance, but bands kept being unoriginal ****s and killed it entirely. Songs like this would have helped keep it strong, in my opinion.

Solo and interlude were decent. I would cut out two bars of the sustained 000 though. And probably start the eighth note riffs on guitars 1 and 2 on the last four bars of Acoustic II's riff, and remove four bars before solo. This is just an idea, I haven't tested it. And definitely if you record this hold out that last note of the solo for a little bit into the final chorus, or cut a few notes from the solo so it has another measure to be held.

Upon first listen I didn't like that verse and pre-verse were just there in the beginning and then you had multiple choruses with no revisit to it, but then I saw the outro and it validated it's presence in the song for me.
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Old 06-21-2014, 08:47 PM   #3
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edit: wrong chat
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Old 06-26-2014, 05:57 AM   #4
Trivium fanboy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Berlin/GER
Hey, thanks a lot for that profound critique.
I'll definitely be looking into the aspects you mentioned and work around them a little.
If there's anything I can critique for you, feel free to tell me.
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