Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 05-27-2014, 11:04 AM   #1
Bleed Away
th.
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
nPP

Code:
An itch you can never scratch is all you will ever have/ the revelations of another life & its ungrateful pleasures & its forgotten friends & its forsakened God, merely lost [within a new translation]: My 18 year old self would rather die than become me.
__________________
Mulbery

Last edited by Bleed Away : 05-27-2014 at 11:06 AM.
Bleed Away is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2014, 03:26 PM   #2
21wickwing
wick2107
 
21wickwing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: USA
I may be stupid, but I am unsure as to what the message is. Is it about resisting growing up or conforming to society?

I would perhaps expand upon it and add a middle verse that brings in more detail.
21wickwing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2014, 08:26 AM   #3
Bleed Away
th.
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
Quote:
Originally Posted by 21wickwing
I may be stupid, but I am unsure as to what the message is. Is it about resisting growing up or conforming to society?

I would perhaps expand upon it and add a middle verse that brings in more detail.


It has some element of both, but I am intentionally making the meaning, behind this piece, to be both subtle and ambiguous in its nature.
__________________
Mulbery

Last edited by Bleed Away : 05-31-2014 at 11:13 AM.
Bleed Away is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2014, 10:04 AM   #4
doubtfulsalmon
______________
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
This reminded me of "the city refuses to confide in me and there's no one left to care". I love these short, raw pieces you write: they really get to me.

One question, do you intend this to only be presented as a poem? I was just thinking that these would make some killer lyrics if you decided to use them that way.

My only slight niggle is that "an itch you can never scratch" is a bit cliche, but the context does carry it well.
__________________
Words

Noise
doubtfulsalmon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2014, 10:06 AM   #5
hippieboy444
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
i remember as a kid, i used to say itch as a verb and a noun; as in, i have an itch to itch.

anyway, i think this is quite nice. the repetition of F-words towards the end of the first stanza could be broken up (unless it was intentional). it doesn't hamper anything particularly, but it doesn't strike me either.

the ending is really great. such a strong sentiment to end on, it makes the ambiguity of the preceding stanza stand well.

i really like this piece. i hope things have been getting better with you. thanks for the read.
__________________
wild blue yonder
hippieboy444 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2014, 03:30 PM   #6
Bleed Away
th.
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: the alley at dawn
Quote:
Originally Posted by doubtfulsalmon
This reminded me of "the city refuses to confide in me and there's no one left to care". I love these short, raw pieces you write: they really get to me.

One question, do you intend this to only be presented as a poem? I was just thinking that these would make some killer lyrics if you decided to use them that way.

My only slight niggle is that "an itch you can never scratch" is a bit cliche, but the context does carry it well.


Wow, it always amazes me when users of this forum can relate my newer pieces to some of my older ones. Did you specifically remember the poem "London" as you were reading this piece?

The "My 18 year old self..." part is references "Norther Atheist" and "To the Slums". I wrote "To the slums" when I was 18, and "Norther Athiest" has the line: "It reminded me of my 18 year old self after an unrelenting night vigil".

And, yes, I wrote this as a poem - I don't think I know how to write song lyrics anymore

Thank you for reading, guys
__________________
Mulbery

Last edited by Bleed Away : 05-29-2014 at 08:45 AM.
Bleed Away is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2014, 11:46 AM   #7
vintage x metal
Brown-Thighed Girl
 
vintage x metal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
This is so honest and stark. No bells, no whistles, no long conjecture. You're writing has changed much.

I like it, it's very beautiful, but I hope you're okay.
__________________
GOODBYE BLUE MONDAY



Quote:
Originally Posted by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to alaskan_ninja
vintage x metal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2014, 03:09 AM   #8
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
 
culex-knight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
Ah, man.

This hit home a bit.
__________________
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching
culex-knight is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:14 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.