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Old 06-09-2014, 05:13 AM   #1
guitarfreako99
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Question should i leave my band i need help and advice please

Should I quit my band? And how?
WARNING: Really Really Long Rant ahead(I need to get this off my chest and at the same time hopefully someone would give me some advice)


There's this band that I'm currently in and we have been together for about 7 to 8 months or so. I have never been in a band before this and this is how it started..


There's this club in the school I'm studying in that basically plays music and you'll get to form bands with people you meet. There are bands doing different genres and I was looking to form a metal band. So there was this vocalist(screaming kind even though I preferred clean vocals) looking for guitarist to help in his band that wasn't metal. But I was desperate so I contacted him and we decided to start a new band after discussing our influences and our influences are kinda different but we decided to give it a go. We also found a drummer that was into some metal.


So there was a chance for us to perform covers so he grabbed the bassist from the previous band and a keyboardist(???) and told us to go learn a metalcore song which I personally am not a fan of. So now the band is a 5 piece band consisting of a drummer, guitarist(me), bassist, keyboardist, and that vocalist. So I suggested to do Walk by Pantera as we only had one guitar and we practiced both and finally decided to perform walk instead. There was also this original song that the vocalist wrote and after running through each cover only twice or so, he wanted to focus on the original. So he gave me the guitar parts and have me play it and same for others. Then on the day to perform, we screwed up the cover because the vocalist doesn't even know his lyrics and I was confused by him singing the wrong parts and then screwed up.(I still was able to finish off the guitar solo so I was feeling kinda achieved) and then did our original.


Then we went on and then the vocalist found a guitarist somewhere outside and told him to join the band(I didn't even had a chance to meet or know who he was until the day we were jamming). And it turned out that he clicked really well with the vocalist as they're taste are pretty similar. Soon, the bassist left and now the band is looking for a bassist and we have had several bassists coming in and out because the vocalist keeps asking people to come play bass for us and in the end the bassist didn't want to in the end. This was all the vocalist's decisions and he would add this new bassist to our band chat and tell us this is our new bassist without even having our consent. And I feel that the band is kind of anyhow since its just the vocalist assembling a band of different people of different taste without knowing each other and we're gonna play his genre now cos he has the other guitarist supportive of his tastes.


As of today, we have a few originals that are okay to me. This first one was the one I mentioned above and the second one was all me since nobody but the vocalist was making active contributions.


And the thing I dislike the most about the band is the way we compose our songs. With the first two being an exception, the procedure we adopted was me and the other guitarist coming up with a few riffs, then the vocalist also come up with his riffs, and then we mash them up together into a song. The problem is the other guitarist seldom has any riffs and the vocalist's riffs are either really horrible or sound catchy but doesn't sound metal. Either way, he would ask us to pass him our guitar and he would show us his riffs with a very excited and enthusiastic face expecting a good reaction, which I didn't know how to turn him down. And on the other side, my riffs are more metal sounding and faster(not trying to sound like a douche but I honestly feel my riffs are far superior).


This is the headache part. The way we put the riffs together is a real pain in the ass. Either the riffs transitions okay or the riffs are totally of different feel and the way we link it is to have a pause in between and we are doing it for so many riffs that it has come to the point where I don't even bother trig to fix the link of the riffs anymore. I'm sick and tired of this band especially when the vocalist keeps showing his riffs.


Instead of the band deciding of how to put the song together, the vocalist would name the different riffs we have on a board, and give us a song structure and ask us to play it. Then he would do some random screaming over it. To me it sounds weird and off. But he seems to be okay with it as long as he can scream over what we play. The vocalist keep telling me what to do and keeps having weird and ridiculous ideas. Example being we would cover a thrash metal song that I really love, then he's gonna tell us to add a breakdown in it for him to jump around and stuff. I feel ****ed up for ruining my favourite band's song but I have no say as the vocalist will just say 'just try'And when we try, he will give that excited and enthusiastic face again expecting to say 'holy shit that sounded great as ****' But in reality I'm like **** this shit man.


Also another problem I have is that after we are done with a song, he write the lyrics himself and never even show it to the band for feedback or anything unless we keep asking for it. And then later on he will text us saying okay the name of this song will be 'xyz'or whatever he has come up with. And because he screams the lyrics, and I don't know what he wrote, I don't even have any feelings when I perform it. To me it's not like 'let's play this song or that song' it was more like 'let's play the first set of riffs, or the second set of riffs or the third...' we have done a couple of gigs but none was a great experience for me since after all the music we write are not the kind that I enjoy. And there's something about the vocalist that he will always find a way to get us to play what he wants to play.


I feel like I'm just his puppet for him to do what he wants and I'm really sick of the band. I have made up my mind that I want to quit this band. However there are some problems.


1) The vocalist keeps pushing a new original one after another

2) The vocalist keeps signing up for new gigs and stuff and I can't stop him unless I tell him I'm quitting

3) we still have a few performances coming up which I will still help the band out in the case where I quit

4) the members of the band are really excited in the future of the band and keeps talking about releasing an EP or album or whatever.

5) if I leave, the band is basically screwed as they will take a huge blow to their writing process since they would need a New guitarist willing to learn the previous songs before even writing anything new.

6) I don't know when to tellthem I'm leaving. Should I tell them after the big gig that we are having soon? But there will be a chance they might talk about the new original which I do not wish to do anymore.

7) How do I tell them?? We have been through a lot and they are great guys to hang out with outside the studio and they are very enthusiastic about the band's future and I will really piss them off or disappoint them greatly.. I'm really confused and helpless some please help me.


I don't have the passion for what we are doing in the band even though it is fun to hang around and jam with these guys but the song writing process really frustrates me every time and furthermore, I have 2 friends from young and we recently found another pair of old friends and now we are forming this 5 piece band doing real metal that I like and have a burning passion for instead of the other band. And I don't want to make them think that I am only leaving now because I found another better band. I want to leave this burden regardless of having another band or not. Also The vocalist is helping a junior band in school to cover for their bass But keeps emphasizing to us that his heart is with this band and he's only helping out for the other band. This makes it altogether harder to leave since it would really disappoint him.. sigh... I'm really troubled.


P.S Sorry if my English is poor and hard to understand.
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Old 06-09-2014, 06:48 AM   #2
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"I feel ****ed up for ruining my favourite band's song but I have no say as the vocalist will just say 'just try'And when we try, he will give that excited and enthusiastic face again expecting to say 'holy shit that sounded great as ****' But in reality I'm like **** this shit man."


Lol dude I died reading your post, but the answer to your problem is pretty short and simple. My advice would just to leave the current band you are in because it's pretty obvious that you're not happy with them and join the other band that's doing the thing you want to do. Music is about having fun not being miserable, but hey that's just my 2 Cents..





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Old 06-09-2014, 06:51 AM   #3
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Looks like it's time to leave.

Be plots and say that in a certain time frame you won't be contributing anymore, so just say 'this isn't working, here's my 1 week notice'. When/if the singer has a problem - talk about it. If a relationship is dead and you can't revive r - move on.
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Old 06-09-2014, 07:08 AM   #4
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Leave or try and turn the rest of the band against your vocalist, either way someone has to go.
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Old 06-09-2014, 08:44 AM   #5
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Do you know why you wanted to be in a band in the first place? Seems to me that this isn't the band for you. Your vocalist sounds self-centered to be honest. Your band lacks chemistry, which is why you aren't happy with it. Find another band you are happy with, and if you can't, why don't you go solo?
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Old 06-09-2014, 11:26 AM   #6
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Leave. The vocalist sounds like he's on a damn power play. You can't have a functioning band like that.

Join up with your friends and play what you want.
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Old 06-09-2014, 12:21 PM   #7
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You don't even really have your own songs (I agree with you that just a bunch of riffs thrown together aren't real songs). You don't enjoy being in the band and I'm pretty sure nothing will change. I would say there's nothing to lose. Just leave.
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Old 06-09-2014, 02:15 PM   #8
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Stay. It sounds like it is your first band. One thing you will have to learn, is how to manage personalities. There are so many diverse elements to a band, and leadership and non leadership types. Whether you stay or go, the band isn't going to make it anyways. So just go along for the ride. Don't latch on to this from a "we are going to be someone" point of view; you're not. You will slug it out, trudge along, learn give and take along the way, learn to broaden your own mind and attitude, enlarge your horizons, fight, and play music. Then the next time you have a band opportunity, you'll have a whole lot of little lessons and skills that you've picked up along the way to apply to your next band.

What I am saying is we've all had starting out band experiences similar to yours, don't by pass them, go through it and learn. Use this to learn how hard it is to make a band work, and do your part to learn to talk things out with people, assert your own thoughts and ideas, and how to make things work as a group, and how to manage your own attitude, and figure out the best way to make the situation work. Because in the end it's all just a big ride anyways.

Best,

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Old 06-09-2014, 06:38 PM   #9
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Sean's advice was really good but I don't think it is as simple as "stay because you will learn from it" sure that is true but you should also flow to where the good vibes are.

I do think that if the music you were playing with these guys made you feel passionate then stay but if you are not enjoying the jams and you don't even know what the songs are about then what is the point.

Unfortunately you are experiencing a band Nazi, it happens very often and you should have nipped his attitude in the bud when you started jamming together, called him out on the way he influences the song writing process, had band discussions etc etc.

Learning to deal with people is a very important part of being a musician so you would do well to stick it out and try and learn from this experience. Perhaps try and do this without losing some decent friends in the process (they sound like ok guys).

Maybe there is a way you could play in both bands for a while. Discuss with the vocalist your desires as a musician, remind him of your influences and maybe tell him you would like to take a back seat on the riff writing. Then maybe you can write riffs for your new band and be part of another decent band.

If you can manage your time correctly then this could be an amazing experience for you. Try and approach these things with optimism and how things could be better rather then just running from what you don't like.
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Old 06-11-2014, 06:44 AM   #10
guitarfreako99
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Isit possible to delete this thread as i dont want by any chance that my band members read this
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Old 06-11-2014, 08:09 AM   #11
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^^^ Don't worry - there's nothing in your post that be used to identify you, your band or your bandmates.
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Old 06-11-2014, 08:44 PM   #12
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Your first band is always your worst.

And it doesn't sound like you have much of a band going, anyway.

Chemistry matters most in these situations. If it doesn't click, it doesn't click. Find people you enjoy jamming with. You'll know right away when you've found people who share your musical direction.
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Old 06-12-2014, 01:55 PM   #13
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I don't know anything about being in a band, but having had to make decisions, I'd say the thing is to get as much advice as you can- but then make your own mind up. Nobody knows the situation as well as you do, and no-one knows you as well as you do, either. There's a fair chance you already have a gut feeling as to what you want to do. And there's a fair chance that that gut feeling is right- at least right for you personally. (And obviously it doesn't matter if it's not right for someone else as they're not in the situation.)

My own experience (and you may well be different) has been that the hardest wrong decisions to live with were the ones where I felt that someone else made the decision for me- sure, it's hard to take if you decide to do the wrong thing by yourself... but it's *really* hard to take if your gut was right but you went with someone else's advice because you thought they should know better than you do (because they have more experience or whatever).

Of course, that's not to say that you should ignore everyone else, either. But yeah, take the advice on board, but then make your own mind up.

Tossing a coin can sometimes help, too. Not to make the decision, but to see how you feel- a lot of the time if you toss a coin you find yourself rooting for one option over the other. It's not foolproof, obviously, and you can overstate how useful these little tricks are, but you don't really have anything to lose, either.

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^^^ Don't worry - there's nothing in your post that be used to identify you, your band or your bandmates.


How do you know his real name isn't guitarfreako99?

(Sorry, that was terrible )
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Old 06-12-2014, 03:13 PM   #14
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Think of a band as a combo between friends and business. (Yes, at this stage in your musical career, it's more on the friends side. In any serious band, the business side should ALWAYS come first. But you're young; don't worry about that.) So...you're having issues with the singer. Bad for business, but maybe you can stay friends. If you say to your band, "Look, I'm just not having fun", then they should understand. If they don't, **** them.

Now, in regards to jamming with your buddies (and forming a band with them), I say do it. But make sure everyone takes it seriously enough that you can actually have a functioning band. Yes, you need to have fun. But if you're playing through a song, you can't have the drummer stop and start picking his nose or some bullshit.
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Old 06-12-2014, 05:38 PM   #15
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But if you're playing through a song, you can't have the drummer stop and start picking his nose or some bullshit.




Is that a common occurrence?
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Old 06-12-2014, 07:45 PM   #16
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Is that a common occurrence?

I hope not. Never happened to me.


Point was, everyone should be focused on the song.


Fun is great and all. But, you know, no nose picking!
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:47 PM   #17
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i didnt read all that shit but yes, quit
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Old 06-13-2014, 03:19 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Dave_Mc
How do you know his real name isn't guitarfreako99?

(Sorry, that was terrible )


Sure was. I should ban you just on principle.

TS, I didn't read all of what you wrote, but if you have that much reason to quit, you should quit.
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Old 06-13-2014, 11:08 AM   #19
Dave_Mc
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I hope not. Never happened to me.


Point was, everyone should be focused on the song.


Fun is great and all. But, you know, no nose picking!




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Sure was. I should ban you just on principle.


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Old 06-13-2014, 05:09 PM   #20
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Definitely leave. You can't put their happiness before your own.
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